hey guys.

i was just wondering how often to you confess to an accountability partner or mentor or friend or small group?

background:
i meet up with my youth director once a week and i try to keep him updated on how i've been doing (sexual purity-wise including pron, masturbation, etc.) but sometimes i just don't have the guts to bring it up again. i'd rather just forget and move on. i'm a pretty ashamed person, i guess. and i convince it's not necessary.

confession i think is a big deal though. i mean, when we keep it to ourselves sometimes we pretend it never happened. but is that so bad? as long as god knows we're sorry? aren't really only accountable to god?

but still. i feel like i should always be open and honest with my mentor. so i feel even worse when i don't tell him. so i guess i found my answer there: i should tell him.

well. yeah. what do you guys think?

I think the most important thing is to do whatever works for you and gets you to stop sinning or to do whatever you should.

Thats the most important thing.

If confessing doesn't help you(I assume it does for you specifically) then theres no reason to confess just for the heck of it.

Also sometimes you should confess to certain people because they deserve to know the truth.

I got drunk on Monday and on Wednesday for the first time in a very long time.
The guilt is killing every single bit of my being and my heart feels like it weighs a billion pounds.

I really needed to tell someone that. Even though this thread isn't for that purpose.

A good thing to do is meditate on these verses.

1 John 2:1 "My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for our's only, but also for the sins of the whole world."

Romans 8:1 "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

Make sure you are truly repentant to God, and not just grieved you didn't meet the standard you have set for yourself. I'd also suggest not drinking anymore. God always provides a way out when we are tempted, but if we continue to put ourselves into a place where we will be tempted He won't.

This post has been edited by MrSugar: Oct 10 2009, 06:03 AM

Sam, notice the bold part in that quote...
There is not point in confessing unless you are trying to stop.
If you quit, you wouldn't need to confess....
But I understand it's hard.
But read that bolded part of the quote and think.

thanks for the replies. but really, what do you guys do personally?

Talk to myself...

I don't confess to anyone at the moment, just God. Sad I know. But nobody was ever there when I needed someone to confess to.

I dont confess. If it's something worth confessing about, the guilt will usually drive me to quit whatever it is i'm doing. So far cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, sexual immorality, and a few other things has godly guilt gotten rid of.

Bad thing is, everytime you go to pray, and you have to ask for forgiveness over and over for the same things, it feels kinda hypocritical, like I'm being dishonest with God....

interesting. i was pretty much taught that confessing and being accountable to someone is kinda important. or at least i think. well. i'm confessing cuz i know it was wrong. and yeah i do want it to stop. for me, the struggle has been lust. and i feel a lotta the times it is like an addiction. i wanna stop but i can't seem to. so having support and having someone who knows my situation is something i thought i'd need.

but being open with people sucks for me. it's so embarassing, and i have really high standards for myself that i can't even achieve. so that makes it even worse.

Bull.

James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed."

Sin leaves you hurt, even if you quit sinning. It's like taking a flame to your hand—you have to remove the flame, but then the burn has to heal. The Bible says that confession to the Church is part of healing.

This post has been edited by Yves: Oct 11 2009, 07:26 PM

Probably motivates you to want to quit that much more though huh.

yeah dude. i've heard stories of people admitting some pretty terrible crap to the church, i guess publicly or whatever. and it seems like it turns out awful. haha. but i don't know. it seems respectable to be that transparent but some people can't take it. like, they judge you and you find out that they're really the one with a problem. you know what i mean? thats part of my problem: sometimes when you get to transparent with someone it's like the relationship can't take it and it only hurts more. it's not my current issue, but it's happen to me in the past.

I confess and keep accountable almost everyday or every other day. I do confess whether I did something I shouldn't have or not. It has greatly helped me and I am thankful these guys(accountability partners) are there for me as I am for them.

Not to stray off subject but in the Support Forum there is a sign up or looking for sheet for Accountability Partners.

Oh, I'm not suggesting that you spill the beans to every Joe on the street. Clearly, it takes some careful thinking and insight to decide on who to confess to—which is part of why I like the Catholic priest system. In any case, I'm just saying that confession should be part of the process, however tactfully conducted.

Also, bear in mind what I was responding to.

This post has been edited by Yves: Oct 16 2009, 06:30 PM

alrighty. understood and agreed.

Coming from someone who's dealt with similar issues, I'd say confessing can be important in that it helps you stay accountable. Whenever you're about to do something, remember that you'll have to fess up later, even if it's just to God.

But I gotta tell you, this guilt you're carrying is dangerous. I'm not saying what you did was okay - it was wicked and against God. But I know how you're feeling - you know you gotta stop, and you feel like if you make yourself feel guilty enough maybe, just maybe, you could make it up to God and pull yourself together.
But the Holy Spirit is meant to convict you of your sin, not to make you dwell on it. Jesus said He didn't come to judge the world, but to save it.
This is how Satan works: he dangles sin in front of you, and when you take it, he makes you feel so bad about it that you can't go back to God. That is not true. In dying on the cross Jesus has wiped you clean of your sins, permanently, forever, period, even if you make them over and over and over. I know you want to stop so bad, but realize that God loves you infinitely now. He loves you, so why would He want you do hate yourself?
I'm not telling you to pretend you're sinless, but realize that God is going to purify you when you go to Him, so the mistakes you're making aren't permanent. Focus on Him and His amazing love, and when you screw up, don't hide from Him, but run to Him immediately.

Sorry if that was all irrelevant, but when I saw you were feeling guilty about things, I wanted to help you understand that your desire to stop sinning may be so strong that you don't understand that Jesus has covered up your sin. God is even bigger than your guilt - don't indulge in it to the point where you forget about his goodness.

yes, thanks. it is all very relevant. but i've also heard it before and said it myself, it's just hard to believe it. or to feel it or implement it, what that means or looks like. but i believe what you are saying.

I don't really confess but sometimes, I talk to my best friend about the problems I face. It helps when to talk about your problems sometimes. But at other times when I really need to talk, Its seems like no one is there for me. So, I don't really confess.

I absolutely believe we are accountable to God but also to the people we hurt through our sins, certain things only hurt ourselves while others do hurt others very much. If you feel that it helps to confess to friends to help keep you accountable then thats fine as long as your holding your standards to God and confessing to him and asking forgiveness, not just your friends.

I think you should only have one teacher, God.

Confess your sins to Him only if you feel this is right.

I'm going to give you some advice,
when you confess to God, make sure you do your best not to do the same mistake.

God will forgive you yes, but He will know the split second you think about playing with His heart.

Stay true to yourself and go to the root of the problem. LUST.
Draw yourself away from naked bodies. Don't watch pornography. Don't think about it either. Don't masturbate if you think that is impure.

Take it from me, after I gave myself up to God, I have not touched pornography ever since. I've thrown away anything that could provoke me. I'm closer to God.

Maybe you should do the same too.

Getting away from pornography and sexual thinking is extremely hard in American culture. If you listen to the radio for ten minutes or watch tv, look at billboards.. everywhere there is sex..the whole attitude towards sex has changed so much..I had a conversation with a friend (girl) who would very willingly pose for playboy because "its a prestigious magazine that has help many peoples careers" ..you take your clothes off and they take picture..a lot of guys buy it and think back to it every time they see you, the person is being sold, their body is.

I was sitting in a college psychology class today and the professor mentioned that the number one choke hazard for toddlers is hot dogs..everyone felt it was hilarious.. I was left thinking that theres something wrong with people when they start thinking of toddlers and sexual innuendo...

kevin, good advice though i think we have many teachers. and with peterM, i agree.

if i threw away everything that provoked me there goes most of my city, my computer, and my body. hah, i know that's not what you meant exactly. it's definitely more complicated than that though.

Well. I think there's a good balance between confessing to a mentor or accountability partner and confessing to God.
Some stuff I think is just between you and Him. Most stuff, though, I think I do need to be held accountable.

I try to talk to my accountability partner at least 2 times a month.