Ok, we`ve all heard it.

"I can`t hate gays; I have gay friends, but gays are..."
"I can`t hate Muslims; I have Muslim friends, but Muslims are really...."


The group of people will vary on the subject being discussed, and is used when the specific person believes them to be an abomination and use these statements to make their other comments not seem rude.
You can probably tell my answers to the poll on this.


Was wondering what your thoughts were. I see these types of phrases used a lot...

This post has been edited by Rave87: Nov 1 2009, 06:58 PM

What is a "disparaging" remark?

I was trying to sound intelligent because many here seem to be under the impression that if you use large English words, you are smart.


To disparage means to ridicule, mock or demean. So a mocking, belittling, rude remark.

If someone says: "I have ______ friends. Therefore, I cannot hate them." then proceeds to make disparaging comments about that group of people, does this exempt them from being called out on being rude?

No.

Do you find this statement than many use to "protect" temselves annoying or effective?

Eh...

Is it disparaging to say "I believe homosexuality is a sin?"

No. I mean more along the lines of:

"Homosexuals are filthy vomit piles and can be likened to rhinoceros sweat. But don`t get me wrong; I have homosexual friends, therefore I do not hate gays."

This post has been edited by Rave87: Nov 1 2009, 11:33 PM

I think it's a cop-out to talk junk about another group of people, but still having that secure feeling.. That person might not even have gay friends, or Muslim friends, etc....

Get what I'm saying?

I most often see this used when someone makes a racist joke. They end it with: "my best friend's black/asian/other so I can say that."

lolwat?

Yes. That is how I feel as well, though some seem to think its a sound argument.



Ehh... I was trying to provide an example of someone dissing other people...then trying to cover themselves and I was using gay people as the example. I was awfully tired when writing that and I suppose that was a rather silly way to word it.

I do not think that homosexuals are rhinoceros sweat-like vomit piles, just so we`re clear...

o_O

This post has been edited by Rave87: Nov 2 2009, 06:20 AM

Bwahahah, brilliance!

I hear this all too often and it grinds mah gears! D:<

LOL! nice XD

I think that sometimes it can pass off as not being rude, depending on your personality, the context and what you actually say. Some people like to tease, while others are just jerks.

And I think that taking the cover of someone who has some of those ridiculed as friends is quite an effective way to protect oneself against the crude reality that we have racist tendencies. Its an effective way to deny the reality that we fear so much. Its a defence mechanism. Although it is effective on your ownself, its not the same thing for the audience who just think you are being a jerk or know that you mean no harm.

It's still rude, it's very annoying, but unfortunately it seems to be effective with most people.

Um... yyyyeah, hard to justify that xD But even when the joke is mild, I hate that excuse. It just reveals a guilty conscience.

But then, I don't have a problem with most harmless Polock/blonde/gay jokes anyway. We're all a bit stupid. We might as well learn to laugh at ourselves.

This post has been edited by Yves: Nov 3 2009, 01:31 AM

I think it really depends. If it's like "I really like this group of people but this one little thing annoys me." If its "I really like this group of people but hate everything they do, but no really! I don't hate /them/." then ya it's an excuse. To me, it's the same as talking bad about an individual friend to other people.

I'm not sure if that made sense, I'm very tired. ((((:

I definitely agree that this statement is just used as a cop-out. It's pretty meaningless, and it's hard to disprove.

I don't hate atheists, I have atheist friends, but it really annoys me when they stamp on anything I say that's remotely spiritual in nature.

I dunno, I guess it depends on the point the person complains about. You can't use it to protect yourself if you say something like "I have gay friends so I'm not homophobic but every time he touches me my skin crawls," coz that's obviously homophobia talking whether they know it or not. So I took the safe middle path and voted sometimes and it depends on the situation, coz some people are reasonable about it while others are being blatantly offensive.

I don't feel like asserting any opinions right now.

Generally. I don't care enough about people individually to give a crap about what they believe.

In that same sense, I also cannot muster even an inkling of self pity... I think I might just choke and die on all my complacency.

It's a given that I'm lying to myself and it's not really complacency. But it's not remotely elitism either.

I generally hate everything right now. lol

When people say stuff like that, I generally just think about the phrase, “With friends like you, who needs enemies?” I also despise it when people think that because they know a person of that particular race, ethnicity, gender, orientation, etc. they feel they are experts on the subject or that their “friend” is an authoritative reference on it.