Hey guys, i'm wondering if you could help me out here. Having been brought up in the same church my whole life, i am close to a number of friends in my youth group. Earlier this year I developed a crush on one of my friends, but didn't follow it up because i was skeptical as to whether she felt the same way. It's also mega awkward telling somebody you've known for your whole life (18yrs) that you have feelings for them. Unfortunately a few weeks back my best friend, a lifelong buddy who is one of the main guys heading up my youth, confided to me that they were both seeing each other. I didn't know what to say or do, i've prayed about it and even chatted to my best friend about how i feel. He wasn't freaked out and thanked me for my honesty, but i cannot shake off how i feel about her or the fact that i didn't take my chance to ask. It seems that they are serious about it as well, so it's not likely that this will be a short-term commitment. It gets me down and I regularly see them which makes it harder. She's amazing and I want to tell her how i feel but i'm fairly certain that now that they're together it would turn out to be a suicide mission. I've never had a girlfriend so this isn't something I have any life experience in. What can I do?

I don't get why, if they are both close to you, they didn't tell you earlier that they were dating.

In my opinion until she decides she no longer wants to be with your friend, you aren't in a position to ask her to be your girlfriend.

As for whether to wait until they break up or move on, I don't know. If I were you I'd just wait and see what happens. Maybe you'll find someone else and get a crush on them and stop having a crush on your friend.

You can however, tell her how you feel nonetheless. If it will make you feel better to just let it all out, go for it. But make sure you don't get angry at her if she rejects you and make sure she knows you are just telling her, not trying to make her make a decision between the two of you, or date you.

If you do talk to her, there is a small chance she might decide to give up on your friend and want to be with you, even if you don't ask her to. If that happens though, you can be almost certain your friend is going to be mad at you.

I'd personally just wait it out.

It's too late man. The ship has sailed and you missed it. I would really recommend not telling her about it. That's going to confuse her, and most likely your buddy will be upset with you too.

There was a girl I knew for a long time and after a while my other guy friend asked her out. They've been together for 3 years now. I have nothing but happiness for them, but I was a littttttle tiny bit disappointed he got to her before I did. But, as i said, I'm really happy for them now.

Relax and back off for a bit would be the best. You're out of the picture from what I can tell and it wouldn't be at all considerate to mess things up for them.

Thank you for the replies guys.

Kon - They weren't officially dating until about a month back, you're right the fact that he didn't tell me earlier was a bit of a shock. They'd been unofficially going out and it came out of nowhere to my eyes, although he did say that he'd only told a couple of people before me. I'm probably just gonna have to leave it, if I truly express how I feel I know I would lose at least one friendship.



Easier said than done, but I agree it would just be wrong to mess things up for them. I want to honour God in my friendships and relationships, so as much as I want to jump in there and challenge his love for her i've gotta keep my head screwed on and pray. As I said I've known them for a lifetime which is kind of different to two people I just met - her and I weren't together at any point but that doesn't stop me feeling extremely disappointed that I have infact, missed the boat.

Thanks for hearing me out.

i feel you bro...
i had a similar situation, i went out with this amazing girl for a short while then she broke up with me, and one of my good buddys asked her out not to shortly after, to tell ya the truth ive always been kinda sad inside after that.

I know how much it sucks to really have feelings for someone but you dont have the chance to be with them. You just have to take your mind away from that person and realize its not the person you should be with and look for the right person. Be happy for what your friends have found, they were both your close friends long before you liked this girl and you should place your friendship before indulging you feelings for a girl you cant be with.

kill the guy with poison brownies and bake your special girl real brownies. shell appreciate your thoughtfulness during her mourning and wont be able to resist your hawtness

Just try not to be selfish is all I can say. (I know it's hard not to be at times, especially when you have these types of feelings.) Think of how your buddy feels for this girl, and take that into account as well...

Thanks, i think that needs to be what i aim for. She definitely knows now which has made things a bit more awkward. I have moped about for a bit but doing so isn't changing anything.. still trying to trust God and move on. Our friendships aren't the same, but I think that's largely down to me.

dude - poison brownies! why didn't i think of that? ;)