Hey you all. Most of you probably don't remember me but i havent been on CTF for months. I use to be here all the time but somehow i got away from it. I need help. Im so depressed right now. About so many things i dont know where to start. Im just tired of my life and my situation. I feel that God doesnt care for some reason. I know he does but i feel like he doesnt. My life was running pretty smoothly all the way up til my sophmore year in highschool. Now i cant remember the last time i been happy. I've went through alot, some of the things were my fault some wasnt. It just feels like that statement about "i can do all things through christ who strengthens me" is not true. Ive always had a dream of, becoming a McDonalds all american in highschool. ( i play basketball) skipping college and going pro. That didnt happen. I always wanted to average 30 points a game. That hasnt happened. I know this is small stuff but theres alot more things that I've seriously prayed and worked hard for that never came to past. and it feels like my life has been meaningless all the way up to this point. im 19. a freshman in college. I have the craziest dreams and goals i want to achieve but i dont how there going to be achieved, i want to one day to make it to the NBA. i want to have my own TV show one day like Will Smith did. I want to help millions of people around the world, in someway, wether its entertainment or something else. I just don't know how this is going to happen. I just want my dreams to come to past. I know God hears my prayers. Im a good kid too. Im not a saint or anything, but i dont drink, i dont smoke, have sex, and i still feel like im behind. I only got offered 1 scholarship in highschool. i was ranked top 10 in my state, and i only had 1. alot of kids that i was better than got scholarships over me. i always feel that i never got what i deserved, i always felt like i was cheated. Like i live in a small area were basketball is not big, so players here get overlooked by the players in the bigger cities. I felt like i was cheated in that situation too. It's just alot of things. I could have went to a University straight out of highschool but i failed my math class, by like 2 percentages, my teacher wouldnt pass me. That was partly my fault cuz i didnt work hard. And sometimes in basketball i didnt play hard. Now i promised myself that i would never make the same mistake again by not studying hard or playing hard. In highschool i spent most of my time playing basketball i didnt used to hang out with friends, i was kind of anti social, but i just wanted to play basketball cuz thats what i love to do. I never really talked to girls, or hang out with them i was really shy. Til this day i never even kissed a girl or dated one. And I feel terrible. I feel like im the only guy who hasnt did anything with a girl. Guys ask me sometimes about girls and stuff, and i just get quiet cuz i have nothing to say. i dont even have a girl number in my phone! I just feel like less of a guy. But i always tried to respect girls, and not just sleep with them like most guys do. no sex before marriage. But sometimes i get mad cuz i never had a girl.It feels like girls dont even know i exist. I just think to myself i really try to be a good kid, i pray, read the bible, and not have sex, or do drugs, so why does this ###### stuff happen to me. Sorry if i cussed. but why? why dont i get what i deserve. I should be at a university by now, but im at a junior college. Like i said earlier, its like my life is meaningless. I havent made in impact on the world like i want to. I just get so mad, it feels like prayer does nothing. it feels like god is so far away he doesnt hear me. I get so mad and depressed i feel like crying.... im just tired of being lost, confused and unfulfilled. i want my life to take me beyond my wildest dreams, i dont want to live an average life. i want it to be fun, unpredictable. my life feels the complete opposite. i just want to be happy. If i dont make the Nba one day for some reason, i just want to be happy in life. and i havent been happy for quite some time now. i just feel mad at life, and i feel like im so far away from god, it feels like i have no relationship with him. thats probably the most frustrating thing of all that it feels like i have no relationship with god. i want him to talk to me. i wish i could just talk to him like im talkin to you guys right now, and he talks back and tells me everything i need to do, or should do... Im sorry this is super long, i just wanted to tell somebody on how I feel. theres more stuff but i would be typing forever..

I will be praying. I think you just need to set back, and be still and know GOD IS GOD! He knows what is best. Proverbs says we make plans but God directs are way. God loves you.