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ray16

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About ray16

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  1. Perhaps I am. I feel like I might be. I am a virgin but by no means am I pure. I'm a very sexual person but only to myself. I never show that side to anyone. I have regular sexual fantasies about all kinds of things. I recently had one about an orgy with a bunch of different women. I am 17 and trying to stay pure but it's not working. I'm wondering If I am TOO sexual? If there's such thing. I don't know how I'm like this. All the guys and girls I have known (my friends, random students, etc.) have all talked recklessly about their sexual escapades with no shame at all. I'm not uncomfortable with what their saying but I usually fake being relaxed about it. It's actually shocking to hear the actual accounts of what happened. They do things that most people don't do well into their 20s! I tell them straight up I'm a virgin and christian and haven't really done anything. I have no shame in this. But everyone is usually sort of shocked. That's when I get wondering about myself. How can I be THIS sexual and still a virgin? I have peeked inside the karma sutra plenty of times, I have seen porns, and masturbate regularly. Perhaps that is why? I like anything on TV or Films or in Books that involve sex. Idk but I am so lost and confused about myself. I am a contradiction. I claim to be virginal and seem really innocent in school, but I also am deeply sexual inside and always thinking about sex and having sex fantasies. But at the same time, I am extremely spiritual. I have a good relationship with the lord I swear. I try to pray everyday and I pray for ANYTHING. If I am scared about something - I pray, if I am stressed or troubled - I pray, when I am too angry inside - I pray. I'm deathly afraid of going to hell. Most of my un-christian friends think it is all a joke and live care free. I know different and I think about it everyday. When I am in church, if the pastor is boring me, I read the bible religiously. I just am a walking contradiction and I don't understand it. Help. Thanks!
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