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...like you are going insane?

I don't really know how to describe my life. Especially right now. It feels like my emotions are getting me and just hugging me. Like it hugged you that night? Ugh, don't remind me. That night was heck worn over. I'd rather not go back to when that ended. You do a lot, though. You do it more than you know. I know that and I'm sorry. There I go again, apologizing for crap. Then don't. I can't help it. Why not, why can't you help it? I don't know... I think you can. I think you're just scared to. Or are too nice. The latter being more correct. Though you are scared. Very. I've seen you scared. I hate it. So much has happened this year, for you. Yeah... It has hasn't it...? Would you take it back? No, I would not. I'm excited to see how the rest of the year is going to go for you. Yeah... I guess I am too. Scared. Mhm... He knows you love him, you do know that right? *Sigh* He's just... Complicated, I suppose. Well men sometimes are. Heh... Agreed... Why did you fall? Hm? Oh... I've just never been treated that way before... Like ever. By anyone. Ever. You didn't know, have any idea you would though right? Not even a spec of a clue... I wish I did, though. The day grew colder, as my heart grew warmer. Needless to say, that is by far the best Birthday I have ever had... Oh I hope next Summer is a reality... That's not as white as some you've been to like in Florida... Yeah, but that's okay with me. It's sill pretty. Mhm... So what are taking in school next month? Various subjects. Elaborate, please. Pre-calc, some type of complicated Chemistry thing. So you truthfully have no idea whatsoever. Nope. How's your dog doing? He's doing good, that bump on his shoulder's a knot. Oh. How'd he get a knot? Dunno. Okay then. Author's Note: Okay, I bet you are wondering by now what this is and why I wrote it. Well, I'll tell you. It is me talking to my head. My mind, really... And I wrote it because... Well, to be completely honest I don't really specifically know WHY I wrote it. My guess is, I just needed someone to talk to. Heh... Don't we all? More coming soon...

...What would they find?

I love you. Those are just three words. You are one of the few. That I have said them to. I'm going to tell you what I told so many before: You are all I want and nothing more.

The Human Mind/Inside My Head The human mind is a very interesting and confusing thing. Our mind tells us when to wake up in the morning, when to solve complex problems, and when to judge whether a person is bad or not, amongst other things. The mind is like a file cabinet full of thoughts. Or, at least, it is to me. File cabinets A-Z. All in rows of 5. A-E, F-J, K-O, and so on... Choose to read that anyway you like. Doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter to my mind. My mind is what keeps me breathing. These thoughts in my head, they won't go away. Some of them are very beautiful... "I love him. So, so much..." Some of them are in anger... "Why did he have to go and break my heart..." Some, even in reassurance to myself... "You will find yourself again...". It has never really occurred to me that my mind was... A syndicate, of sorts. Used to, I would walk around, not thinking anything. That was a long time ago... Right now, at least, my mind is calm, full of "I love you"s and "I haven't been this happy since January..."s. I love my mind. Abosolutely love it. My dreams in my head at night are so bizzare, so odd and pretty... They aren't surreal at all, just odd in the least... It's why I love to dream. Dreaming, and daydreaming, is my escape from this harsh reality I am in... The world in my head, it is my playground. I like it, in my head. I made a world for myself there. Where everything is good. No pain, no hurt, no sadness, no death... Thoughts of me, in a new way, a new form... Whoever said daydreaming during class is bad... What else do you expect us to do when you teachers are blabbing on and on about chromosomes? Us daydreamers, we live in our heads... Because that is where we go when the real world gets too bloody and bruised... Author's note: I didn't really know what to title this one, as it shifts in subject. Oh well.

Weary, shaky hand to blank, white paper. "What to write" thoughts go through my head as I think endlessly, only to come up empty-handed. I would write 24/7 if I only could, but alas, I cannot. So these thoughts in my head are trapped, only to be released like a calming storm when I feel so. I do not get bursts of inspiration often. Only when certain things come to mind. I could write about anything, and everything. So I do. When the thoughts get jumbled up with no hope of straightening themselves, that's when it becomes a Freewrite. I try to find something to write about every day. Whether it be an essay, a Freewrite, or even a poem... I try to write at least once every day. I do not think I could write more than 3 times a day... Not enough inspiration in the day for that. At night is when I feel inspired, but by that time I am too tired to write a thing. If I could build myself a writing room, with nothing but pen, paper and computer, then I would. I would store my works on bookshelves, to be seen by wondering eyes. That is my dream. To have a writing room, and maybe a library for my reading. However, I would also like my works to be published one fine day. That is one of my biggest dreams about being a writer... To let the world read my works, and let them see the world through my eyes. Written by Me - April 11, 2011 at 3:00 PM

The goal of this is... Well, to Freewrite. Anything and everything, basically. I'll be posting some of my Freewrites... A selective few I'll keep in my surrealist maniac head. =p What is a Freewrite? A Freewrite is basically where you have a pen and paper (or in this case, a keyboard and computer) and you just write down what you are thinking and/or feeling without stopping. (Until you feel you are satisfied/run out of crap to say.) Who can Freewrite? Anyone with a mind and thoughts to think. However, if you lack that then... Well, get off the internet. What are Freewrites supposed to be about? Anything and everything. Why Freewrite? Well in my personal opinion, Freerwiting is a way to release all of those pent-up emotions you are/have been feeling. Thus, getting them out. You can even Freewrite when you have reports due. I hear it really helps. But your thinking process has to be on that specific subject or you will fail that class... Greatly. Any more questions? Just ask! *~Freewrites from me coming soon~*

Why do I feel this way? How do I control it? It hurts so bad. The anger boils up inside of me, too afraid to be let out. Or am I just caging it in? Is the cage gonna break soon? I don't know. All I know is it's going to break.

My head is full Full of emotions That I can't be rid of Slowly, slowly Going completely And utterly Insane I feel like There is a wall Between my mind And reality A glass wall A very thin glass wall Yet I can't get through it I try and I try and again I do try But I only grow More and more afraid Of this insanity