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Found 3 results

  1. I was twelve when I first realized I was attracted to girls. I didn't want to say or do anything about it--what was there to say? Who could I tell? I thought the feeling would go away eventually; that it was just a phase, like everyone would usually say. It isn't, though. I'm seventeen now and I'm sure about my feelings more than ever. I like girls, and I don't think I've ever liked anyone of my opposite gender. Yes, I've had a few boyfriends every now and then.. and a girlfriend, twice. I'm currently not in a relationship with anyone at the moment but looking back then, my feelings towards the two genders were definitely different and I can't pinpoint what exactly it was in the relationship that made it different, but it just was. I saw something in girls that I've never seen in boys. My feelings felt more concrete, more real. I like girls and I don't like boys, not at all. I feel so much happier, so much lighter, so much more of myself whenever I'm with girls. It's never felt right with a boy. But I don't know if it's a good thing or not. My fear has been eating me up inside and I don't know if it's right. I don't know if it's okay, being Catholic and also being homosexual. I don't know if I'd be accepted the way I want to be accepted, I don't know if I'd be looked at the same way if I ever told anyone. This is who I am, this is who I've always been, and I don't think this is a phase. I don't think it has something to do with "finding the right person". I know I haven't found my true partner yet but I know I won't find it in a man. I like girls, but will I be damned? Will God look down at me, call me a fool? Will He talk to me in a condescending tone for being both a firm believer of His Word and a lover of people of my own gender? Is it wrong?
  2. cookiesncream

    Feeling Alone at Church :(

    Hello friends I'm new to this site and I joined hoping to meet new friends and hopefully grow in my faith. To start off, I am 16 years old and have started going to church nearly every Sunday for the past 9 months. I never went to church before that, not because I didn't want to but because I didn't have the chance. Both my mom and I are new to our church community, even though we've been going for 9 months it doesn't seem that long. Our church is HUGE. About 10,000 people attend our church. It's not one of those small chapels, it is very large. My mom and I do not attend the same service. Our church is divided into; English Service (adults), Youth Service (13-18 year olds), Children, Nursery (Babies/Toddlers). So obviously, my mom is attending the adults and I'm attending youth. Being new to a church community is like being the new kid at school. I have never been a new kid at school however. The first time I switched schools was when I transitioned to high school, where I still got to see my elementary friends do that doesn't really count. I feel like I am experiencing what it's like to be a new kid for the first time. Not to mention, I suffer from social anxiety disorder so it is extremely hard for me to get out there and meet someone new. When I first came to my church, one of the pastors led me to 4 people the exact same age as me to make me feel welcome and told them to sit with me in service and get to know me and all that kind of stuff. The problem is, they go to the same school together. They've known each other for YEARS and I barely know them. They talk about stuff that I don't even know about and don't share interests with me. Whenever we're together they all talk about stuff and I'm just sitting there awkwardly like the "fifth wheel". Sometimes, I don't even sit with them in service. I only do when I see them. And even when I do see them, it's more like, "Hi!", sits in service and listens to pastors talk, "Bye!", then one week later and the same thing happens. There has been times where I sat completely alone by myself at service. And for someone who has social anxiety like myself it is excruciatingly embarrassing. I hate being SEEN alone. I don't hate being alone. I hate it when people SEE me alone. I think that fear comes from the fact that I don't want people to judge me I don't want people to think I have no friends and think I'm a loner. Every week, I get major panic attacks about having to sit alone at church and feel humiliated. I know to most of you, it seems like I'm worrying for nothing but for me my anxiety is so intense that I lose control of my fear and I start crying. I also know a lot of you might tell me I should just meet new people but I feel like the people are the same at school where everyone is divided into their own group or "clique" and they exclude everyone else. It is super awkward for me to randomly go up to that person over there at the wall and just say "hi". There is no way I can do something like that and that is also considered to be very creepy. Sorry if I bored you over this long essay. I want to be able to attend church so I can learn more about God but I also can't because I have so much anxiety and feelings of loneliness and just worshipping all alone. I feel very alone. I have no friends at church. I need help. Thank you to everyone who wants to help me! Also please feel free to send me a message I would love to meet new people considering the fact that have no friends at church.
  3. But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wing's as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31) Okay, so I’m riding my first rollercoaster on Monday. Or so I think I will. The thing is, I don’t know if I will be man enough to do it. Imagine the bus ride. Anticipating all those heart throbbing rides. I can’t begin to tell you how my heart dropped when I watched Youtube video versions of these roller coasters at the Theme Park Carowinds. The Bible tells us that if we trust God, He will strengthen us. We will run, and not get tired, and overcome any issue we have. Now I can’t guarantee that in my metaphor situation I won’t faint, and the idea of flying on eagles wings makes me fearful. But in reality, when we are anticipating a major event, or when we are fearful, we can trust God. And that trust will bring us through more than scary thrill rides.
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