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  1. Hey everyone! I'm back again with another update. Last time I left off with the basics. So to sum it up, I had feelings for a girl, things went badly, I moved, I went a whole year with no homo feelings, and now they are back. Just 6 months ago I was crushing HARD CORE on a guy. Then almost overnight, not kidding, overnight, the feelings towards him went away and now he almost... grosses me out. It's crazy I don't understand it and I don't expect anyone else to either. Softball is in full swing now (no pun intended) and tonight actually was out first Region 2A game. We won! I love playing a sport that requires social interaction with the other girls in order to succeed Its a need really, because I am such a talkative person. haha. I got a job refereeing at the YMCA and it starts soon. I will be getting payed $15 an hour which is AMAZING compared to my last job at a crappy restaurant where I only made $7.25. Im taking the AP spanish exam soon and It shouldn't be to hard for me because I lived in Central America for 3 years as yall know (from my previous posts). Enough with the little updates. Lets get to the real stuff now. It's so incredibly difficult to look at her and tell myself that she isn't flirting with me. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to convince myself of. I just stare into her eyes and pray that God takes the feelings I have towards her away. I am actually trying to channel my romantic energy into another source. Writing. I have tried to write books before but have gotten writer's block by the 3rd chapter and quit. This time I think it will be different. Everytime before I had just been writing for fun and just a spur of the moment decision. This time it is for a real purpose. I'm writing a romance novel. It sounds stupid but It really works. I get distracted by the beauty of the man and women relationship God designed for humanity so I forget about my queer feelings. Its insane that everytime I see her in the hall, I feel the need to say something. I try to tell myself to shut up but when she says something first, my heart flutters and my stomach gets all twisty. It's not okay! I want God to speak to me. I want him to just lay it out plain as day what I am supposed to do. I dont think thats how it works though, haha. All I can do is continue to pray. Thanks for reading! -Trapped in my journey
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