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Launch Man Group posted a topic in God, Church & Faith2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Our ability to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" determines our quality of life and effectiveness as Christians. Taking every thought captive means: Knowing the Scriptures - Ask God to share with you a study plan (John 14:26; James 1:5). He will! Be careful about looking to others and copying their plan. When it comes to spiritual development, God doesn't cut and paste (2 Corinthians 3:18). He sees you as a special unique individual and meets you right where you are (1 Corinthians 9:19-23). Don't let anyone guilt you into three-hours-a-day or make you think the plan God does give you is somehow not "good enough." Follow God. Know the root of your pain - Remember, there's nothing wrong with being hurt or angry (Ephesians 4:26). We only sin when we allow bitterness, unforgiveness, retaliation, etc. to take over. How we react or what we say when angry or hurt can tell us what scriptures we should believe in, memorize, and recite (this is our spiritual warfare!). There are six basic human needs: nurture, acceptance, security, competence, independence, and impact. When we're angry or hurt, we need to ask God to show us in which of these areas (there could be more than one) we've been wounded, and apply Scripture there. For instance, if someone did something that triggered you to think, "I'm stupid," that could deal with acceptance, security, competence, and impact. A great scripture that could target one or more of these areas is, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)." I battled feeling inadequate for much of my life. Believing in, memorizing, and reciting this scripture helped heal my heart! Get support - These forums are a great tool. Sometimes we need help (probably most times) to heal from things that happen to us. Hearing the experiences of others can help us feel understood, have our feelings affirmed, and give us a road map for how to walk through the storm (Revelation 12:11). God doesn't promise we won't go through nasty things in our lives, just that if we hold on to Him, we'll make it through (Matthew 7:24-27; John 16:33)! Follow your plan - Faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). If you want to get free and stay free from damaging thoughts, then you must continually feed upon the Word of God and apply it (Philippians 4:6-8; 2 Timothy 2:15). There is no other way. There are other factors, but this will definitely get you started! Feel free to post questions and I'll do my best to address them. I may recommend a resource you can use or link you to someone smarter or more experienced than me Either way, I'll be here for you to the best of my ability! My best, Marius
God bless you guys. I'd never though I'd feel like this in my life. I'm 22 years young, so I guess I'm still a baby to life. I'm feeling like my life isn't making sense right now. I feel like I'm somehow lost. I'm seeking God through this stage, but I can't help but feel depressed, lonely and hurt. I've recently been separated from my girlfriend of almost 6 years. My pain comes from this loss. We've planned everything we wanted for our future together. She decided to move on, as she told me she was praying and she felt God told her it was necessary to do so. I have to admit, I have strayed from the faith in the past, I have changed, I have sinned knowing it was a sin, and I have repented. My walk with God is not what it was 2 or 4 years ago. I'm not the same as before. I loved her. I loved her with everything I had. I sacrificed so much for her. I cared for her. It wasn't enough. I wasn't spiritual enough for her, as she told me. She has a point in a way. I was low in my faith for too long, I didn't show her the leader I should have been. We've been arguing to much. It was all a burden for her, and me as well. But I couldn't accept that separation would be an option. I loved her too much. I still respected her desicion. It's been a couple of weeks since that moment. My heart was in pieces. I felt cold. My strength was drained. My apetite shrunk. My heart would race. I couldn't sleep. My thoughts wouldn't stop. The twisting pain in my stomach wouldn't let me live normally. Thoughts of worthlessness would creep up on me. I felt so rejected. I didn't deny her, but she did deny me. I would promise to change, but it wasn't enough for her. Thoughts of her with another man, another family, another home, with other children, being intimate with another man would be the biggest torment in my mind. I've been waiting so long! Yet, we still lusted after one another, which happens, but my God... Maybe God wanted this to happen. I'm not suffering now what I've been suffering 2 weeks ago. Slowly my pain is lowering as the days go by. I beg and plead to God to help me, to not leave my side, to have mercy on me, to heal me, to hold me, to guide me. I'm desperate for acceptance. I'm desperate for love. I thank God always, even through this process, I still kneel to Him and He takes my pain away. He hasn't left me, yet I still feel like my life is now left to feel without purpose. I had a purpose to work hard for us to marry. That motivation is gone. What now? I feel stagnated. I want to focus on the Lord, but I can't help but feel this void in me. I feel like there is no progress in my life. I can't help but think, "Will I find someone that will love me?", "Will I find someone that will love God and want the same things I want for the future?" I've wanted these things since I understood the goodness of being a family man, a father, a husband, since I was younger in my elementary school days. I still hold that dream, but it feels shaken. It feels blurred. I can only rejoice in the fact that the Lord has held me. I can only rejoice that God still takes the pain away when I pray to Him. It keeps coming back however. The pain doesn't stop crawling back in my heart. I have to constantly keep begging God to heal me from this. I don't want to suffer this pain anymore. She said she loved me. She said she wanted to marry me and have children. She was so beautiful and unique. She was the woman I wanted to be my wife. "You're not spiritual, Kevin, you're not." For some reason any time I see something that resembles her or her congregation on FB, I feel as though a fiery arrow pierces my soul. I can't bear the thought that everything is dandy with her. I cannot see a picture of her without feeling such a pain. I still see brothers and sisters of the congregation that I don't visit anymore that post pictures that don't have her in them, but I fear I will see her in one of those pictures one day. It's somehow torturing. I feel like deleting those people who are generally in her circle for the sake of my sanity. I've done what I could to get rid of everything that has to do with her. Her sweet smell on my clothes would torment me. It reminded me of her room, so girly, so comfortable, so sweet-smelling. That Haiku perfume set I bought her, that's where that smell came from. I loved that smell on her, I would wrap myself around her and devour her in kisses, that's how good of a scent it was. Now, it only torments me. It reminds me totally of her tenderness. Somehow I couldn't detatch myself completely from that. Maybe it was the last physical thing I had left of her. She returned my love letters, I re-read them. I even read her love letters over again. She was madly in love. WAS, being the correct term. I can't help but admit how her love grew colder for me as time went by. This was someting very noticable in her letters. They started by hailing me for being her shoulder to cry on, her example of a mature person in her life to help her become a better person and how patient and gracious I was with her but then they usually started to sound like thank you letters. Thank you for being there and God bless you kind of letters. Very short, non-romantinc letters. They seemed more and more forced and hurried as I read each consecutive letter. It's all gone now, along with letters I poured my heart for her. I even made myself laugh at how genuine I was when I wrote her this letter that she gave back along with the rest: To Elisabel. Everything Has Its Time To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven. And now, a love letter. The muscle that provides the necessary blood-flow in my sanguineous system produces a chemical reaction that alters my hormones with dopamine each time my person comes together with yours. The experiences and adventures with one another have created a constant neurotic manifestation in my cerebral cortex in an undefined area because I have no knowledge of it every time your memory comes to my mind. In other words, my heart races when I am with you, and my mind wonders when I think about you. Io te amo. - Kevin Her vocabulary was very simple, so I decided to intentionally write her a love letter with very fancy words that I knew she wouldn't understand. At the end I simplified and expressed how I felt about her. Gone, trashed. Another favorite letter of mine, because I remember how I was feeling at the time, because I poured my sincerity out to her said: Although it's nice to write love letters, sometimes I feel like writting how much I love you doesn't explain it quite as well as showing you my love through my actions. My love for you is God-given. I love you Elisabel, through it all, no matter what happens, no matter how bad a problem between me and you; I will always love you and always have my arms wide open to receive you. I truly love you. I've made custom drawings of her as I'm very talented in fine arts, I've written poems and really did everything to show her my affection. As I've told her, I've tried my best. Deep down I know I will have the chance to meet someone who will cherish me in the future, and that I will apply what I've learned from this grieving experience and past relationship to fear God. Right now, it all seems somewhat improbable. I feel like I must have a good car, a home, and a great job to feel like I'm worthy of receiving a woman in my life even though that is a materialistic mindset. She was tired of fighting for the relationship, as she said. She was tired of not being able to see me at church because of how busy I was at work. I needed to pay rent and food for myself because I live alone. I couldn't afford seeing her. She expected me to act out in "faith" to go to church anyway, risking my week's gasoline, risking that I would not be able to go to work 25 miles away with the faith that God would provide. I was criticized because of my conservative attitude. She was fed up with me not changing for her, not understaing her behavior. It didn't feel fair for me, however, many times I didn't understand her behavior. I can go on and on, but it feels like this is vain already. I'm struggling right now. I lack self worth at the moment. I really thought I had a bright future with this woman. I truly loved her unconditionaly, I poured my heart out to her, and she, as a good christian, saw that I was being a burden to her faith, so she let me go. I can't knock her for that. It's too painful, specially when she would look at me with those wide open eyes, embrace me and speak so softly that she wanted to marry me. This haunts me. Will I find someone beautiful like that again? I don't want to compare, but then again, she was like a diamond to me. She was so beautiful inside and out. I miss her cat-like behavior. She would purr in my ear. She would cuddle against me. We would share our fanaties and wildest dreams about eachother together. I didn't ask for more. She did. Now I'm broken.
The beatings that I've had By people I've made mad Hurt me so very very much I still can't seem to find a crutch When the tables have been turned By words I am most easily burned I wish you to look in my eyes See these tears, hear my cries I'm now almost fully grown It's time to learn things on my own When I feel I am afraid Just think of me, and what you've made A scared little girl, crying at night Don't underestimate my height So here I stand, tall and brave All these tears I will save To combat me, in my fight To make you all see the light All of this you have done to me Now with these words I am set free. I really really do not do well with vocal scoldings... Online or offline... At all...
Going about the day I have no trouble with talking to the various people I see on a daily basis. I'm there and I see how they act in situations and I can learn about what kind of person they are based on visual and verbal cues i receive from them. However when you have an online friend who isn't comfortable with webcams and doesn't always talk on voice you miss those cues and when a word is typed it's hard to judge the emotion that may be behind it. My relationship with one of those friends has been a struggle cause if there is something wrong going on I miss it and I make stupid judgements on what could be going which when you do that there mostly wrong. It's been hard cause I want to be there for him cause I really care and that's prolly another problem. He says I care way too much and I don't know how that works honestly. It's hard for me to back away without totally ripping myself apart from the person and that just backfires. I'm not sure how to manage this honestly. I know I should give him some space but I just miss a time where I had quite a few close friends to talk to but now due to certain life situation there all busy. I'm not sure how to cope with this honestly. It's been going on for a while and I'm wondering if I need anxiety medication or something...