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Shadow Child

... I need prayer over me ...

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okay. I've been having more problems lately then usual. for one. This huge blowup with a friend. which we have forgiven each other over, but it will never be the same. never. I really trust him. I really do. Except I can never bring myself to tell him about what I've done, or thought about. Because lately, All I've wanted to do is cry. And I started to in school once already. not good. My friends all have their own problems, so I always talk with them. but it's so painful to be "happy" all the time. It really is. there's a switch between me. one on the outside, and one on the inside. The outside me looks so happy, all positive, and joyful. adventorous, daring. The inside me. Sad, miserable, depressed. shy, scared. I can't go on like this. I've contemplated suicide so many times. but I know it wouldnt be right. But my thoughts get to me. and also. I dont know why. but I'm getting sicker. and I hadnt been able to eat anything for the past week to a week and a half, or maybe two. and now, I can eat again. This has been happening for a while now. It hurts me, because my other friend is muchos concerned about it. She thinks it's because of all the stress. but I dont think that's what it is. I just have no idea. when I get mad, i dont know what to do. So i just read everything i've ever written, and I din't like what i see. today, my cat scratched me, and calmly, i went to my cupboard, pulled out my knife, and started going deeper. Please pray for me. I'm so lost and confused right now. And also, please pray for my friends, their going through hradship rightnow too, we all need all teh prayer we can get. please pray. thanks so much. SC

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oh believe me when i say SOOOOO many other people have been there. It gets better. keep praying and find ways to keep your faith alive. everytime you feel like you wanna cut yourself or do something harmful to your body, go talk to somebody. Your parents, or siblings, call a friend or your grandma, heck just call a random number and start talking,or Talk to God. you obviously need to get something outta your system. just talk it all out. Things do get better. Have Faith.

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you need to forget all of your doubts and put ALL trust into God. In the Bible, it says our faith should be like a child's, Children dont need to go searching for something to believe in, they know God is there and they believe in Him. Just Trust, put your walls down, God will take care of everything else.

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Father,

I ask that you bless SC. Please watch over her as she goes through this rough time, Father. May you remind her of your everlasting love. Advise her on the right things to do, and please let her know that harming oneself is not the right thing to do. It just makes one become even more lost than bfeore. Please, may she find her productive ways to let go of the emotional pain she is feeling. May she find someone to talk with about her problems, Father. Lead her in the right direction. Amen.

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Hey, Im praying for ya...... you will hurt until you ket go. Just tell your friend whatever you have done.. but I can only imagine what you are going through. Remember, suicide hurts others worse than it hurts you, and your life is worth more. :hug:

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The outside me looks so happy, all positive, and joyful. adventorous, daring. The inside me. Sad, miserable, depressed. shy, scared. I can't go on like this. I've contemplated suicide so many times. but I know it wouldnt be right. But my thoughts get to me. and also. I dont know why. but I'm getting sicker. and I hadnt been able to eat anything for the past week to a week and a half, or maybe two. and now, I can eat again. This has been happening for a while now. It hurts me, because my other friend is muchos concerned about it. She thinks it's because of all the stress. but I dont think that's what it is. I just have no idea. when I get mad, i dont know what to do. So i just read everything i've ever written, and I din't like what i see. SC

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i understand you on these 2 subjects more than anything else you said. when i get mad, i feel like just going to beat up something- or someone. but God holds me back and i don't fight, the anger just becomes lyrics in my head.

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I did something terrible. :crying: I started cutting agian. I know it's wrong. And I hate that I've done it. I fel so dirty. I can't tell my friend. I honestly cannot. they just started to take anti-depressants, and they dont need anymore on top of that. but the friend thats concerened about my eating patterns, she doesnt need more either. there's so much going on with her. frick. I'm so mad. Ive been trying to let go. it's just hard. no, it's more then hard. I think it's unresolved stuff. all all of this secrecy? goodness. I am a phsycho

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I know exactly how you feel. I have been thinking about cutting myself lately too. I am stressed out and upset all the time. I have a fake simle that I put on day in and day out. I don't want to but I do. I will pray for you. I hope things work out for you.

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oh my word. You guys, I am petrified. Im geting together for a night on Thursday with freinds, which means, I have to sleep at night. I dont have long sleeve PJ's!!! :( I honestly dont want tehm to find out like this. They do NOT need this on top of everything else in tehir lives! :cry: I really want to go. and I think I will. But I have to find an extra long long sleeve tehn. and this just sucsk. I cant do this. I just cant. I dont know what to do...

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I dont know what to do...

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Pray, thats what you need to do. And you need to try to find someone to talk to about this, face to face.

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wow that suks. I'll be praying for you and remember that with God everythings possible!!Just put your burdens on Him and He'll carry them for you . Thats why he died for us

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easier said then done. I kept my sweater on the WHOLE time. very hot. and when we were making drinks, i had to roll up my sleeves, and I could barely do it. We went out in the rain. It has finally come. and I just stood there for a while a shed some tears. just staring up at the sky. and I was thinking. how many others... but tehn my freind came, because the rest were acting drunk, and she just walked with me.

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we kept on walking, and for some reason, I really wanted to get sick, so I undid my jacket and sweater, and just froze for a while. I didnt even get sick. In the morning she left, and I was stuck there. we made banana smoothies and did pixie stick *crack* .it was fun, but it wasn't the same. I act happy all the time. who am I kidding? the only one I'm trying to fool is myself! I'm tired of being what I'm not. I'm tired of everything. everyone. I love em all. but right now, all I want to do is sit in ym own desert. I can't deal with everything anymore! I just have no idea at all what I am supposed to do anymore. I'm at a dead end, and I'm in idle. what happened? where did I go wrong? thats what I want to know. What is wrong in life as we know it?

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okay. today, I felt so yucky in teh morning, like just OCULD NOT get up. so, anywyas. at school, it was blech as well. first two periods of the day (80 minutes) were blan. but tonight, Im doing an all-nighter. thats where we just stay up all night. but I cant eat, so I cant eat sugar. and I cant eat because I am getting that bloodwork done tomorrow. please, if anyone reads this, just pray that it will go well.

buuut. today at school. me and one of the other friends, we live fair distance apart, but guess what?! we planned this ALL day long! were leaving our homes at midnight, and then we are going to bike halfway adn meet eachother! this is a guy, but were not doing THAT sort of stuff. we're going to talk. and Im going to tell him. tell him (i think i will anywyas) everything that I have been hiding. or at least some. so it will be interesting. but in teh last period at school, then the other friend, a girl, lets call her, Suzy. she is very gloomy. and I get ehr to tell me whats wrong. she said this. that it felt like we were trying to exclude her in this. and I was shocked! like, me and "bob" live out in teh bush! we had said that next time we were going to go toblumenort. and see ehr too. but she shrugged it off saying that it wouldnt work anywyas. I KNOW it would. because she got up early one day just to see the sunrise. and noone noticed. so why not in the middle of the night? but yeha. I got to go now. this is turning out to be more like a journal. should I put it elsewhere then? I do not know. thanks for listening

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