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Shady

A Reason And A Way to Fight For Purity

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Shadyjames' compendium of useful stuff to help your quest for purity!

I would like the mods to somehow make this post editable forever? Because i'm going to be taking additions and suggestions forever, I don't want to put a limit on the amount of information i can include in the compendium! I'm not very well read in the bible so all scripture submissions for chapter 2 are encouraged, as are personal discoveries, motivational techniques, experiences etc. I want to turn this into a community thing ;)

So without no further ado, i give you a free mans helping hand for those he was once trapped alongside.

Although they don't know it and never will, i'm dedicating this to all my friends, who helped me through this from day 1, and will never know they did.

Chapter 1: Sticky situations.

The battle is entirely psychological, as you well know. Its a battle of your minds willingness to go on between your biological urge to give in. However theres an important difference between this battle and the rest of the battles you will face that you have to know.

You cannot win this battle.

The longer you think on the matter the more wrong thoughts and wrong chemicals will build up in your mind, meaning that from the moment the battle starts, you're own a downward slope to failure. Therefore, if we look at the human instinct "fight or flight", this just leaves flight, which is the only way to get out when your back is against the wall. When you find yourself tempted, you have to simply do something else. For those of you familiar with it, its like the mindvirus "the game" (which you just lost, by the way). The only way to win is not to think about it, and entirely forgetting is the ultimate goal. This isn't to say that an unwinnable battle isn't helped by weapons, quite the contrary. There are two things that i've found to be a sure-fire cure.

ONE: Adrenaline.

I would like to make an amendment to my previous statement about this being an entirely psychological battle. That is a reference to the losing battle which you hold in your mind each time you are tempted. This here is the battle inherent in evading that psychological battle, and for reasons i don't feel necessary for explaining here, adrenaline is an essential tool for getting out of temptation. There are three main sources of adrenaline OTHER than scaring yourself or slipping down the stairs.

The first is exercise. This also works well because it immediately removes yourself from the environment in which you have the privacy and tools to screw up, and furthermore it releases a certain amount of endorphins when you get moving, including but not limited to by any stretch of the imagination, adrenaline.

The second is pain. I cannot tell you how many times i've been saved by biting my fist when I get tempted. However I'm not in any way encouraging cutting (although why you'd do that i have no idea anyway).

The third is caffiene, which hasn't been tested by me personally because i'm on ritalin which is a whole other story. If anybody is a coffee addict and wants to test this out for me go right ahead, make sure you PM me telling me to edit this part once you have an opinion.

TWO: Mind food

I don't really know what name there is for this category, but this is the bit where you're seriously thinking about getting up and going to the toilet, or typing in www.pornlolololol.com (not a real website(i hope) for all you unintuitive people out there), techniques for clearing your mind.

1. Friends.

This is entirely a personal thing, and may not work for you, but it'd be against everything i believe to keep possibly useful information from you.

I personally have some very close friends (girls), who i always try to be the best person as possible around. Its often said that they're glad they know me or else they'd have some horrible stereotypes about guys, and that I've always been one of the few guys to consistently break them. I've always tried to be the best person i can be when i'm in their presence, and it would absolutely break my heart to have to tell them face to face that i've been fighting masturbation for however long and have failed. I haven't cried this year, but i think i would in that situation. And when I'm tempted, i imagine that situation, and have the strength to go on.

2. What you have to lose.

If you're on day 9, entering the most difficult week of the battle just before it gets easier again, look at how far you've come. You can be strong once, just once, and make it to day 10, or you can fail, and be strong 10 times to make it back to where you are. Before you screw up, remember that the fight doesn't end when you do it, it starts all over again. You DO have something to lose, and you'll do well to remember that.

3. What you have to gain.

You will never be totally free of temptation, but at day 50, i go for three or four days at a time without it even crossing my mind. Its no longer an all-consuming battle. It may not be total, but it may be enough. Its enough for me.

You can be free.

Chapter 2: Preventative measures.

As has already been discussed in the official quest for purity thread, there is no substitute for simply keeping your mind clean. A great number of failures happen right after watching TV, simply because theres so much boobage used to sell half the shows and products on there that it can pose a great difficulty to keep yourself under control afterwards. So theres the first technique, and it didn't even need a heading, but i might put a retrospective heading just to make it look like i thought this through beforehand.

ONE: Avoidance

Just don't let anything get into your mind. Thats about all there is to it.

TWO: Mindset

There are certain situations in which its a lot harder to become tempted, simply because you're in the right mindset. If you've been spending all day working in a worldly environment, or talking to people who make "fap" jokes on a regular basis, it can be a lot harder to fight the battle when it comes to you. A mindset, not just thoughts, are what you need to pay attention to, because a mindset it a lot more permanent. Motivational chants, and music are some of the most powerful tools i've discovered for changing your mindset. A great motivational speaker and Australian of the year "Glen Gerreyn" taught me once, admittedly not directly but as part of an audience, that what you tell yourself you will believe, and what you tell yourself will change what you are. So try telling yourself the truth:

"I am strong, too strong to stop."

"I can do all things through christ who strengthens me"

"I have come too far. I will not fail now, not now and not ever."

Thinking about the right things will take you places. Motivational chants, as above, thinking about your friends, as discussed, thinking about your girlfriend or thinking about God, thinking about whatever works for you. Also soppy songs work wonders. I kid you not, try getting tempted while listening to "heartbeats" by jose gonzalez on loop back to back with "Half-life 2 song 23 suite song" (although not many of you may have access to that one, you can ask me and i'll email you it if you're THAT curious. Actually no, i won't, i'll tell you to BUY AUDIOSURF for $9.99 US dollars over the steam distribution network at www.steampowered.com and then you'll get the orange box sound track for free! and it will INCLUDE Half-life 2 song 23 suite song.)

Sorry i just lost my train of thought there o.O

Oh right! I was saying, when you're in a position or about to enter a position in which you have a history of being tempted, listen to one of those slow songs beforehand, everybody has them, and they all go by different names, but you know which ones i mean for you.

THREE: Know your enemy

When you're faced with the decision, your mind will twist everything every which way. You are no longer an inhabitant of reality but an inhabitant of a half-true world that your mind is burying you in, clouding your judgement, manipulating your decisions. You can say "I will do better next time", but the fact is every single time you are the same person, with the same mind, and the only way to avoid the mistake you made last time is to recognise what it was and react to it, fight the lie during your moments of strength so that in your moment of weakness you can recognise it and banish it from your mind.

Common enemies

1. You can't win anyway

Nonsense. Day 53, and i can yell it from the rooftops without shame.

What one man can do, another can do.

2. Its ok to masturbate/There is no point to fighting this battle

You will not have to live with the guilt of each time you fall. You will never again be a slave to your sexuality, and how much easier do you think it'll be to not be tempted by a woman when you have already overcome this battle with yourself?

DAnd some scriptural references. It may not explicitly say "Thou shalt not ****", but i'm pretty sure everybody felt it was wrong their first time from the inherent knowledge of good and evil we all have, even if some have been desensitised to it over the months and now don't know where they stand.

I'd like to thank zatch, who supplied me with these scriptures and DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE DID IT, how pro is that? Also the bibles public domain so he can't own me for stealing what he found >=D

Corinthians 6:18-20

18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

3It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4that each of you should learn to control his own body[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, 5not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 5:3-7

3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.

3. You're too far gone to be saved.

I fought this battle for a year, and i gradually got worse and worse. I can remember how horrified i was after the first time, and how i got more and more desensitised over time. Eventually after a slow deterioration over two years I did it so regularly that i contemplated that it would be easier to convince myself that it was ok, and just run with it, than it would be to try make myself stop. One night i actually DID make that decision.

Then i told myself i was going to make one last final run, gamble my soul, if you will on one last try.

If i made it, i made it. If i failed, i would go back to my ways forever, and simply try to bury the shame.

I WON

A week into my final stand was when i discovered my weapon discussed in chapter one, part 2, subsection 1. Two weeks after that i found christian teen forums, and a week again later, on day 30, i found the mens section and made my first post in the quest for purity thread, with the comment "Day 30. Love is a powerful weapon."

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dude this i freaking amazing! thank you so much! this guide is gonna be so useful. plus when more verses can come up on it too!

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Nice work!

All I can say is maybe a bit crude, and fix up the grammar. :P Other than that, PERFECT! Thanks for this, mate.

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Yes i find it very hard to emphasise my points on a christian forum....*edits*

Also, the forum didn't put stars over the cow poo, i did, i wanted to keep it nice while still letting people know exactly what was under it xD

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Awesome bro! Congrats!

And I like my Christian talk more crude than most Christians would think...it ads realism :P

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Awesome bro! Congrats!

And I like my Christian talk more crude than most Christians would think...it ads realism :P[/b]

I'm with ya on that! Better to be straightforward and crude than to beat around the bush and sweeten it up.. :)

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Shadyjames' official swearing discussion thread

Yeah i agree, swearing is no inherent crime. Its not like the bible says "Thou shalt refer to appendix B for an alphabetised list of all words in all languages over the ages EVER that its a sin to say", therefore the problem simply lies in the effect it has on other people. So if you swear amongst people who don't mind, you're all right in my opinion.

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NO SUGARCOATING ALLOWED.

Yeah. Good stuff, shadyjames! :)

You might add in there that instead of focusing on your problems, you should try focusing on God instead. (You usually end up doing/being what you focus on, regardless of whether you want to do/be it or not.)

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I totally agree, however i don't think any mods have read this thread yet because none of them have replied, and this thread is neither editable to me, nor stickied. It looks like its set in concrete till i can find a sympethetic admin xD

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I did read it, i'm a mod, I commented, I'm pinning it for a while at least, its good stuff. I changed the title, if you have a better one that is still descriptive tell me and I will change it again.

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H4X!! H4X! I'm the author of a sticky!

Nom nom nom <3

Yeah i like the new title, sounds more official anyway, good stuff man. Shady wubs you.

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I don't think I ever commented about how useful this is. I actually copy/pasted/printed it out and have it in my desk drawer for quick reference. One of my buddies in high school (kind of awkwardly) asked me about it religiously speaking (we have religious talk days once a week), and I handed this right over to him. He was really greatful for it too. ;)

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Lol! You should! It's really helped me out and gotten me to go 20 days as of tonight. It's the most successful thing I've read (including books), and the most helpful.

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Thank you very much, especially for the bible verses.

I have been fighting for over 10 months, since i became a Christian and have fell many times, but your pointers and help have really shown me that with the strength and wisdokm of God, and some simple techniques this can be won.

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I'm GOING TO DO IT... I KNOW I CAN!! PURITY HERE I COME!! SHADYJAMES YOU ROCK!! MY HEART IS SO PUMPED!! THANKS SO MUCH!!

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Thank you Shadyjames for posting this. It is very encouraging. I wish I started to see my own mistakes earlier. I have been struggling with mine for 4 yrs. now. But i am so glad i am working on my purity right now. God has opened my eyes wide and has put other people in my life to help me. And I definitely speak of my own father when I say this.

I have more versus for you to help each and everyone of you. I suggest you right them down. It will be really helpful. And memorize them too. It will help you fight for Purity.

Romans 12:1,2- "I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, which is good and acceptable and perfect."

Ephesians 5:1-5- "Therefor be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. But do not let immorality or any impurity or greed even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God."

Matthew 5:27,28- "You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery;" but i say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has commited adultery with her already in his heart."

Mark 7:20-23- "And He was saying, 'That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man, For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All thes evil things proceed from within and defile the man"

Romans 13:13, 14- "Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts."

James 4:7,8- "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."

Romans 6:12-14- "Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body that you should obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your memebers as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law, but under grace."

Romans 8:12,13- "So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh-- for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if the Spirit you putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live."

I John 1:9- "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I John 2:1,2- "My little children, I am writing these things to you that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world."

Hebrews 2: 17, 18- "Therefore, He had to be made like His brethren in all things, that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make propiation for the sins of the people. For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted."

Herbrew 4:15,16- "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathsize with our weakness, but one who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore draw near with confdence to the throne of grace, that we may recieve mercy and may find grace to help in time of need."

And shadyjames you left out a few versus on I Corinthians 6: 18-20. I will show them too you. Those versus go along with 18-20.

I Corinthian 6:13-17- "Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord; and the Lord is for the body... Do you no know that your bodies are members of Christ. Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? May it ever be!..."

I know that these versus probably leave you in a bit of a depression. I dont want you to Memorize all of them at once. Take one at a time and memorize it. Look over it for one month and then write a sumary of what you think of it. Take your time!

I will pray for each and every one of you. I also ask for you to pray for me.

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