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Mmmph... this is making me nervous. >.< I want the happy, fluffy, sunshine and rainbows feeling back. ;-; Not that I doubt anything... the more I think about it, the more I know that this is just a normal part of the cycle. But...still... Is it wrong of me to want to feel good about it all the time?

Well, right or wrong, our situation needs to change soon. It's getting hard.

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~I honestly thought we were friends. I really did. It's freaky how quickly you turned on me. And over something so stupid. It's nuts and I'm tired of hearing about it. Please, just leave me alone for a little while. =[

~What's going on? Where did these feelings come from. Uhhh...I didn't think it'd ever feel quite like this, and I kind of like it. And then I kind of don't? Feel's like emotion and common sense are having a tug of war, and I'm the rope. Crap.

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Very happy right now, and somewhat overwhelmed. Yay! I'm gonna do this! I got in! I got in! Lord, Thank you, I'll give it my all. Promise. ^_^

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*Hey. You. Marry me. :P

*Oh, how I wish that people wouldn't talk badly about each other in public. At least, not pointedly so. This is a place for anonymity and release for whatever, but um...if I haven't been here for a while and know exactly who you're talking about, everyone else does, too. And that's just awkward for everyone else. Plus, you told us exactly what the other person was tactfully not telling us. We didn't need to know...it's kind of like roundabout gossip.

Oh drama, how I have not missed thee.

*I don't know what to do. You're my best friend, and I can feel you slipping away from God and me. Why doesn't life make you happy? Are you that desperate for a partner that life is so joyless you need to drink alcohol all the time? And your attraction to women is hard for me, too. I know this is something you've struggled with all of your life. And no matter what you do, I'll always be your friend, but I know that I make it hard for you, since you're attracted to me, too. >.< You want me to have the magical answer to fix feelings that you think are wrong, but I don't know what to say. I've never dealt with this before, and I feel like if I tell you to pray, you'll be too ashamed. This cycle is so destructive. Maybe we should go back to that happiness idea and talk about that first.

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I realize that I was only gone for two days.. But there's nothing I missed about this place except for my dog and, believe it or not, my bed. :3 I didn't miss being constantly ignored, and your over all attitude toward the people of my generation. Yes, I went there. I mean, you guys are family.. and I love you. But you could at least respect my cousins/sibling and I as the human beings that we are. Sure, we weren't born in the 40's and stuff, but we can't help that, can we? Yeah, I suppose we are your kids, but seriously.. My friend's parents/aunts/uncles treat them SO much better than you guys treat us.

Anyway.. Back to my problems with living in your crappy house. As I before mentioned, I'm sick of being ignored. I hate standing there saying your name for 5 1/2 years before you finally even notice I'm there. It gets kinda old after a while.

And honestly, what's the point of getting mad at me for EVERYTHING, and then saying if I cooperated, life would be okay? If you hadn't noticed, I TRIED THAT.. for a YEAR. I've pretty much given up on that. I've pretty much given up on any hope that I'll ever be good enough for you. NEWS FLASH! I'm a human. I'm not perfect. I can try the best I can, but it's never gonna happen. Seriously. :3

I'm sick of pretending I'm okay. I'm sick of pretending that I have a good life at home. I don't. I'm sick of covering up my entire life so that you can look good. I'm sick of not keepin' it real.

Speaking of not keepin' it real, I'm sick of being a "perfect little pastor's kid." I mean, seriously. As I mentioned before, I'M HUMAN. Perfect is NEVER gonna happen! I mean, you wonder why I avoid that church like a plague? It's 'cause YOU PREACH THERE. Of course, as soon as I tell you that, I'm an insecure little girl who can't get over what happened in PA.

Which brings me to yet ANOTHER thing that annoys the crap outta me. The fact that you always use that crap that happened out there against me. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, and I'M NOT MAD AT HIM FOR IT. Why can't you just listen to me and GET OVER IT? It's not like you were involved in any way. :3

I guess the bottom line would be, I wanna go back to Judy's. And this time, for good. :3

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How do you people manage to damage DVDs so much? Were you trying to?

**

Lol. You didn't believe me when I told you those video games were bootlegs. If you end up selling them, you may have some unhappy customers.

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There are precisely three lovely ladies in northern Idaho I wanna huggle. D:

<3

*Meeting you was freaking awesome! <3 I wish I had had more time to spend with you and your friends, but what time we had was still amazing. (Though I shudder at my ugliness in those photos on Facebook. XD) NEXT YOU HAVE TO COME TO IDAHO. K? K.

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Am I not worth listening to because I'm different? Moderate? What is it about me that makes my thoughts ignored?

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*And now for an edition of "Things I Wish I Could Say to People...and Might at Some Point Anyway Because I Have No Filter"*

<.< You. You're whiny. And annoying. Shut up. Whether I agree or disagree with homosexuality is irrelevant. I'm beginning to wonder if you chose that lifestly because you LIKE to play victim. Good grief, all you talk about is your oppression at home, and how NO ONE accepts you. ;-; Cry me a freaking river. Everyone has their problems, and yours isn't really any worse than anyone else's. >.< Seriously, I've never had a conversation with you that wasn't about your gayness. It gets old. In fact, I've been avoiding contact with you because you irritate me.

Oh, and...no one cares about the cute guy you wish would call you. Even if you were a female, no one would care about that. You sound like a teenybopper. <.< Which is pathetic because you're my age and a dude.

Sh.

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<3

*Meeting you was freaking awesome! <3 I wish I had had more time to spend with you and your friends, but what time we had was still amazing. (Though I shudder at my ugliness in those photos on Facebook. XD) NEXT YOU HAVE TO COME TO IDAHO. K? K.

THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN. AND I WILL BE THERE. <3

______________________________________

Stop being so amazing, my old heart can't take it. :P

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- Y'know... I kinda like you.

- Your text messages make my day, really. I love the sarcasm. Absolutely hilarious. For real.

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Sounds like likely events! I should buy an umbrella, just in case.

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-IT'S A SIGN FROM THE HEAVENS! >:o

-Argh. I'm...getting sick of catering to your schedule. >.< Seriously. I have better things I could be doing than waiting around for your to finish the level you're on in some stupid game. I mean, of all people, I understand how distracting things like that can be, but come on. It's getting ridiculous, and it's starting to really irritate me. Blah. I stay up really late waiting for you, I set aside specific time in my day for you, and I've even skipped out on some things I wanted to do for you. Because I know that's the kind of stuff it's going to take... and I'm beginning to wonder if you realize that. >.<

-No, folks. Not everything is always perfect in paradise. <.< Believe it or not, we have problems too. We just don't go broadcasting them on facebook, and typically, it stays between us. It's none of your business, and we don't need outside strain. O_o I just don't understand the human obsession with other people's problems.

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IRL:

You and schoolwork just have to make sure this spring break more frustrating don't you? Ok, when I said I wanted you to come up to my house to go skiing I didn't expect you to expect a 5-star experience. We CAN'T be out every day... We CANT rent your special-so-and-so skiis. I'm sorry! Quit complaining cause its gonna be fun if you can just quit expecting endless luxury.

Chemistry... I hateth the...

Considering giving up CTF and Facebook for lent... Sorry RPGs... but I think most of you can do with a once a week checking right?

I'm glad your coming really I am... But I always feel like such a rotten catholic in comparison to you! I know its irrational and I know I'm an anxious wreck but still... Gah! If God wants it to be this way, so be it. But I'm childish, and part of me wanted this to be just me...

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IRL:

You and schoolwork just have to make sure this spring break more frustrating don't you? Ok, when I said I wanted you to come up to my house to go skiing I didn't expect you to expect a 5-star experience. We CAN'T be out every day... We CANT rent your special-so-and-so skiis. I'm sorry! Quit complaining cause its gonna be fun if you can just quit expecting endless luxury.

Chemistry... I hateth the...

Considering giving up CTF and Facebook for lent... Sorry RPGs... but I think most of you can do with a once a week checking right?

I'm glad your coming really I am... But I always feel like such a rotten catholic in comparison to you! I know its irrational and I know I'm an anxious wreck but still... Gah! If God wants it to be this way, so be it. But I'm childish, and part of me wanted this to be just me...

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