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HopeCline

Confessions

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Don't ask me what's wrong with such a clueless voice...

I was awake.

I hate you right now. I can hear you.

That was ours... you ruined it.

Just stop talking.

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1. I'm glad to get away from you because you were abusive, but I still love you. God loves you, too, and I hope you live life the way He wants you to.

2. I wish we could talk more often.

3. I'd find you much more attractive if you found yourself a little less attractive.

4. What you did when I was little caused a lot more damage than you think it did.

5. Whenever I hear you cry, it breaks my heart. I want things to be better for you, and I know they will be.

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What on earth have I been thinking the things I've been thinking for? It's not what I want. I wouldn't dream of it. last night I dreamed I was hugging you again. I don't dream of dropping you liek a hot potato. but sometimes the thought comes and I'm scared. There's nothing WRONG with you. I am trying so hard not to listen to that selfish, self-seeking, self-gratifying voice that says I will be better off with someone who doesn't care about the type of movie I watch or the length of skirt I wear or the types of things I put in to my head. The voice that says I'll be better off with someone who doesn't have convictions, I'll be able to live the way I want. The voice that says no disagreeing at all is best, that I want to be smart without having to be sensitive about it, that I should yield my will to no one. Where is that voice coming from? I have an idea, and it's certainly not God.

Do we have our disagreements? yes. But I look at them, and they are NOTHING. we are so similar, SO similar... I see something so small and I hone in on it and freak out about it until it's giant. "I'm calling it a mountain but the truth is it's a molehill/ it may just be some garbage but in my mind it's a landfill"-(me). I can't see you for the amazing human you are because I'm so busy freaking out about nothingness! I need peace... but I run away from God too, it's funny how when I'm running from God I'm running from you, and when I'm close to you I'm close to God. (except when we get distracted and lose focus). I talked to Him today out under the stars for 15 minutes... He's there for us, I could feel Him reassuring me that He's Love, and the only thing that can give us Love is Him.

If I left you, I'd be running back to you a day or two later. Or maybe a month or two later. When I picture my house, it has you in it. It has since before we were dating, before I LIKED you, you were there. The first time I leaned back on your shoulder and looked up at your face, I knew that was the view I wanted for the rest of my life. The day I held your hand was the happiest day ever....

Now it takes faith... so much faith... I'm so near giving up, don't let me go... we're too far away. I don't see you, I hardly know you. I notice your flaws because they show up more obviously when we are only able to communicate through words. And we know each other, and see the worst in each other. Goodness knows what flaws I'd see in ME. And yet you love me... and are patient with me... and bring me closer to God.

Stupid emotions. "The heart is deceitful above all things" for suuurreeee.....

I'm still scared that I'm making the wrong choice by choosing to love you. But I do. Because... why? If it's merely my own strength, I'd have failed long ago. But I think God's behind us, cuz I don't know that it's possible not to love you. Even with all my faults, all your faults. What are they again? I forgot... When can I see you? I miss you :'( We just need to hang out, and chill with each other, and be comfortable with each other, and that will remind me that you are the guy I love and that I don't need to freak out about this as much as I am. I was never scared when we were together.

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You seem to have issues; I'm not sure what should be done with you. I don't know.

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The fearful captain of the U.S.S. Whipped, pretending to man the helm, but we all know the engineer knows exactly where we're going across the sea of insecurity.

Goodness, you really know how to ruin what was a perfect evening. I'm so amazingly ticked off at you guys right now. I can't even go to bed without you guys lecturing me about something I TOOK CARE OF. It sickens me, honestly. I wasn't told about it. I thought I was doing good by you guys. And you just rip me apart. I don't even feel like trying with you guys anymore. Remember when I was graduating? I wonder if you still mean what you said then, because I haven't changed.

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I wish I could take the past two days back.

I wish they never happened.

I feel torn apart from the inside out and weak.

I'm so angry and frustrated about how stupid I've been.

I wish I could say that I've been sleeping but I know I'm not. I'm alive, awake, and well.

I just wish I could take it all back.

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i wish people would just send me a message everty now and then sayhing hi how am i or something its not like im dead i mean it annoys me that most of you guys have dropped contact with me oh well back to being a stranger again

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I'm just about done. Seriously. If this is the kind of crap that's allowed to float around, then I don't want anything to do with it. >.< It ticks me off more than anything. It's a path that I do NOT want to be anywhere close to. So. If I vanish, that's why. <.<

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I...you...

you told me I could get mad.

Throw things.

Scream til my voice gives out.

Cry until my eyes run out of tears.

I've never felt so free. All these years of stuffing emotions inside...

You set me free. and we just met....

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^ I know how you feel. I have no words that in my mind would help, but don't give up. Regardless of hope, the future is coming.

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I love you and all...but you have THE WORST timing ever. >.<

didjoo miss out on the epic skeaping last night, too? ;-;

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