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youuu really annoy me people who take the mess out of the fact i have dylexia annoy me too try and understand it is hard for me grrr.....

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‎"I'm not wishing such a thing on death, of course. That'd be just sad." - a quote from mine and bo's conversation about (justin bieber).

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Youuuuu annoy me. you must learn of the shift key, or I will revoke all your interwebs. Thank you, have a nice day. P.S. your posts stink of spam.

LAWL. You didn't capitalize your second sentence. :3 I find this immensely amusing.

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Confession time? Sure.

- You're confusing the CRAP out of me! Ugh. Okay, but I've given it to God. Maybe you're a mirror reflection of me, do one thing, say another? Maybe, I don't know, but it would make things a whole lot easier if you were honest with me about this... Plus, even if you did admit it, I'm sure it wouldn't work out. You're cool and all, and a great person, but we're two totally different people from two different worlds.

- I don't know what to say without making things weird. I'm sorry about what happened, and I'm here. x2

- You're lazy beyond comprehension. You can defend the faith like nothing and yet you're drowning in sin. You fool.

- Hi :) I dunno if it'll happen, but I don't ever want you out of my life. You're a special friend. If you left my life, Church wouldn't be the same, the other youth group wouldn't be the same, and my social life would take a major hit. I may be social, but I'm not close with anyone else but you, save my own family, and my cousin, which is because he's my best friend. But the point is, you're one in a trillion when it comes to being you. You're the only one in the youth group I can talk to about... well, just life stuff. I don't know if you know what it's like when you're not there. I can talk to people, and yet there's noone to talk to. I can chat, but I'd rather chat with you... ... ... ... Once again, if you left my life, things would get harder and less colorful.

Now... posting witout spellcheck :P

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sometimes i just wish that your family would back off at least im working at elast my family stick together and it upsets me that your brother stole your best friend i just want you out of there

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LAWL. You didn't capitalize your second sentence. :3 I find this immensely amusing.

LAWL. Stupid laptop, I tell ya. That's also why I type out the name JAel alot. :3

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Okay, seriously? I think it's time you let me leave... Again. Only, how about if we make it a little more permanent this time? Ugh.

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I don't think you'll ever read this, or even if you do, I don't think you'd care. I want to apologize. I shouldn't have tired to get your goat. I shouldn't have tired being a smart-alec and used an "i" to justify my lieing. Honestly, it was not a good idea. I'm a jerk, and I deserve however you feel about me. I should've handled it better and apologized directly to you, but as I've said earlier I'm a jerk and an idiot and a sinner, and the only reason I stopped is because of my conviction and a good friend. -sigh- Once again, I'm sorry. I wish I could be a better person, but that's one of the reason I gave up power. I don't care if you're here. I don't care about any of it because it doesn't effect my life at all, so once again, I'm sorry.

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I love you more than life. I don't think you realize the solidity of the love I have for you. I want you to show your love more; you don't. I need to have assurance that this 2+ year relationship is not going to falter. I won't let it, but you have to do your part. That would mean NOT being ok with your ex's writing flirty comments and emails to you. That would entail actually answering your phone. That would mean you don't yell at me and throw stuff. K? This is not you. The old you is coming back, I can tell. But when you slip up DON'T give up. Don't go back to your mean habits. Treat me with respect. I am not going to take crap like I did for months. I love you and I love you enough to say MAN UP.

I wish I could say this in real life.

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The excuses that you gave are the exact reason she has a hard time taking anyone of your kind seriously. If it's something you know you should do then you should be an adult and do it. Is it really a surprise that atheism has been such a positive thing to her when the Christians she comes in contact with hide behind invisible walls? She's not angry, just disappointed and a tad amused.

It would have been nice if you had let me know that you were going to pull that instead of leaving me hanging here for a month hoping you'd come back. Not sure what happened there and I'd appreciate if you eventually responded just to tell me what went wrong.

Glad you think the new website for you group is great and all, but you're still ignoring the fact that it's all a sham. Also, I applaud the fact that neither you or your friends could bother to respond to me blatantly calling your ignorance out.

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If this is how Bible-Believing Christians are, I need to find myself a better church.

GAH you were so beautiful today at breakfast. I just wish I had the guts to tell you so. u.u

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They're my friends too, jerk. I've done alot for you, and you have no idea, because you're too busy focusing on honest mistakes I've made YEARS in the past. After this, I'm done with you. No longer will I bend over backwards for you, let you dwell on yourself, and let you go down the self-destructive road you love so very much. The only reason you have friends is because they're sweet enough to put up with you for three hours out of the week. I have to live with you, and I'm sick of your crap. Just because you don't like me doesn't mean you have ANY right to disallow me from OUR friends. >.>

You talk about how hard it is for you. *You*. Have you ever thought about not doing it on your own strength? You talk to us all the time about giving it all to God. All of it. I want you to live by your own words there. I've tried it, and it's amazing.

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It really feels like no one cares about me, at all. Sure I have plenty of friends. They like to be around me I guess, at least sometimes, but it's not like I'm anyone that important or special to them anymore. I'm easily replaceable. What is wrong with me? I can't even take it anymore

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I keep thinking of you. I wish I talked to you more, but... perhaps you wouldn't have wanted to talk to me. But nevertheless I wish I could communicate with you now. I wonder if you still know what's happening here now, or what the future will hold. So many questions.

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You think I don't know that you were angry and hurt? Ever since it happened, it's been eating away at me, knowing how upset you were. You made sure to tell me about it whenever possible, too- I don't know how much of that is real and how much is just emotional blackmail, but it doesn't matter, the effect is the same.

But what's happening now? Just when you've given me hope that we can still be friends like we were before, just when life has gotten that little bit more bearable, you send me that email telling me yet again how angry you are, how awful I am and how you don't understand why it happened.

I know how it's been making you feel. You KNOW I know. And I explained why it happened back then, too, when you demanded to know. You KNOW how sorry I am about all this. You KNOW that I wish I could just turn back time to before this whole fiasco. So why do you insist on driving the point into me, again and again? What is it that you want from me? Do you actually want me to turn around and say that it was all a mistake, that I can take you back and somehow muster feelings that aren't there? Or do you just enjoy making me hurt like this? It's getting hard to see any other reason for what you're doing.

You'll never know this, but today was the first time I ever considered putting an end to it all. I looked down at the penknife and didn't see my trusted, harmless tool. I saw something that I could end my own life with. I've never even thought about that, ever, in my entire life. It seems stupid now, but still, what you said made me contemplate it.

What do you want from me? Is this it?

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Can you please just tell me that you love me? Why won't you? I mean, don't you love me? And what's with all of the other girls? I don't want to be one of those freakishly jealous girls that gets on your case if you talk to another girl but goodness...I would like to think I'm at least SORT of exclusive to you. Like "come on, those girls don't mean anything. You're mine." That would be nice to hear. But yet I have no idea how you even feel about me. DO you love me? Do you think I'm pretty? Am I nice? Do you just like me as a friend or what? Can you please tell me and stop making me sit here and guess and get sad because I think you don't really want me?

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Its been almost two months. And never a full conversation. Sigh. I've given up on the fact that people can strike up conversations without hesitation outside the realm of unlimited possibilities (AKA the internet).

I've got to thinking. Do I love more of the thought of obsessing over a boy, than I love your character? Maybe so.

Maybe thats what everyone does.

I'm too afraid of living alone and making the mistakes I've seen people made to give up on you just yet. But I hate how blinded I am to the fact that honestly, you are uninterested.

I feel obligated to humiliate myself into a conversation because you just don't want to talk to me. The more I find that blunt truth, the more I question your character (and mine as well).

The more I hear things about you, the more I question your personality.

Who are you anyways? And why am I led to believe that you are so like me in a way that we are destined to be together. That i would be in such a state to be unable to speak to you when you glance my direction (which, in fact, isn't very often).

And yes, I am a petty freshman girl. Who wants love, not a relationship. I'm a little obsessed. A little childish and immature. I blog about my feelings and hypocritically judge people.

But I have a heart and you should notice that since you give me at least a smidgen of the time of day to at least amuse yourself by at least responding to my absurd ways to talk to you.

I've led myself to believe that I need to wholeheartedly chase after your heart because thats what I want right? Your heart? But maybe I should give up, which obviously you have done already.

Freaking sigh.

But I want to tell myself! This guy is perfect for me! He's unique, and different, and sweet, and nice, and funny, and insightful, and smart, and attractive, and a great taste in music (how far that can go in my own book). But those adjectives are only the skin of the surface.

I want to know more about you but to know more I have to let myself out there. But I have a fear of rejection, and maybe you do too. And I'd say I'd see it in your eyes, but thats a lie. I want to see you happy to see me, and sad to see me leave. Because that's how I feel. I won't ever say I love you because I will not give up that uncertainty, that one day you will stab me in the back like everyone else did.

I would be sad because you left me in the dark. I would be sad because you left me all alone.

And maybe I shouldn't pressure you. Or annoy you. Or anger you. Or exhaust you. And maybe you do not care.

But I do.

I saw you at homecoming and thought: Wow, he's awesome. You had a smile on your face and red suspenders on your shoulders. I had so much respect without even knowing your name.

I feel so overly dramatic about this, but when you try and try and try for five months just to get a twinkle in a person's eye, you get tired of it.

RANT RANT RANT.

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Okay, what's wrong? You're usually really jovial and talkative. And you always tell me if something is up because you know I care & I'll try my best to help you! I understand that we all have our days where we're feeling down and we decide to shut up because we want to sort our feelings out on our own. That's normal. But this seems different. This is totally not like you at all. You don't have to tell what's bothering you if you don't want to... but I'm kinda sorta worrying, here. I'm not going to bother you or pressure you to talk to me. Whenever you're ready, I'm here. And even if you never tell me what's wrong... I don't care. Just be 'okay' in the end. I don't like to jump to conclusions, but... your attitude is scaring me. o_o

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