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 At times you annoyed me but I realized you were only concerned of my well-being. I think of our old friendship daily and can't believe how badly this has effected me. We had a lot of good times together. Too many to count. You were always there to encourage me and were eager to hear about my day. If I was feeling down, you'd up lift me with Bible verses and tell me it's okay. Man, I miss you. Why did we have to grow up? 

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Dear xxxxx (real life),

 

THANK YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL FRIENDSHIP WE HAD. :) I will not count the last 1.5 years I guess you understand. I've enjoyed greatly experiencing so many things together with you (uni, church, small group, CU, common friends, common soulache etc etc.). You have been a great listener & counsellor to me. 

Today I realized that our friendship is over. I guess it's actually very good that you put the finish line and not I. I am not heartbroken but I accept it as God's leading and I am SO happy that we can finish peacefully. You have changed a lot and I can't empathize with why you do or don't do certain things anymore. I know that you have so many struggles and insecurities within you which are the cause for these inward & outward changes. And I want you to know that I will continue to pray for you and I wish you the very, very best for your future. & most of all that you'll walk so closely with & committed to God. I don't know why you died your hair in blue, it really doesn't look good or friendly and I miss your elegant, female style from the past years. I really hope that you will find yourself very soon & also that God will give you a husband that suits you when you have gone through your personal struggles and that you may live happily ever after. :) It helps me to let go of you now and thanks for saying no when I asked you to meet. Did you know that I just asked God for his guidance concerning you & me, so shortly before we talked? I see him in this. If you are still praying for me, please pray that I may be able to accept the many changes he has for me in this new phase of life. That I'll see his guidance, walk into them carefree & be blessed & inspired by new friends, new ministries and the new work environment.

Please forgive me everything where you think I have failed you.

 

With much love: BE BLESSED.

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Gosh, you're a better friend than I'll ever likely realize and if I weren't committed to being single I'd marry you (unless of course you said no which would probably be wise). Which leads me to apologizing because that sentiment probably bleeds through way more than I think it does.

 

You're also a great friend and I'm sad that you and I are heading different directions. But I'm sure you'll nail whatever you choose to do and maybe we can meet again when we're both rich and have our millions.

 

Finally, I'm not sure how long it's been God, but man am I glad to be back "in the fold" even if someone had to force me there. I just live in terror of the day when I once again forget who you are and you hand me over to my own desires for another year.

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You are lovely. Beautiful inside and out. I am so blessed to have you as a friend. Actually, I'm just blessed in general. Can I say that? I'm so happy to be here in this place. I'm happy with my career choice. Everyone at this school is lovely and even when I'm absolutely swamped with work (... end of the year. It's coming.) I can't help but have a smile on my face. God works in wonderful ways and I am so thankful to him for showing me this path. For giving me the strength and ability to pick up and try something new. It's a good thing.

Hmm... well, it's nearing the end of May. I have about two months left in this house considering the 10 days I will be 'across the pond' in June.... So, sir, I'm gonna try to be brave. Honestly? I kinda doubt I'm you're type. But... I'm pretty sure you were at least at some point interested in me and I'm pretty sure I accidently made you feel like you we're creeping me out.... So now I'm gonna creep you out. Because I want a summer adventure buddy and even if you aren't interested you seem like a cool guy. And dang it, I refuse to let anxiety and this idea that I am not capable of doing romantic relationships hold me back. It's all in my head. It's all in my head. Now, granted, I say that and then I'm gonna choke up when I see you in person but I don't care... If I make it irreversibly awkward I'll just flutter off into next year and not see you again and it'll be funny and a bit sad but ok. So yea. What do I have to lose? Like really. *lame game face*

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You're right. Things shouldn't be like they are. They should be like that. I'd like nothing better. But they aren't. And I honestly can't say if I believe they'll ever be that way. 

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if I'm brutally honest with myself, I miss being head over heels in love. Not with you, or you specifically, but, in general. My life is lacking euphoria and dreams of cuddles.

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Jesus still loves you. No matter how many times you think you've failed Him...He's there. I just wish you'd realize that, instead of making excuses.

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Do me a favor?  Stop telling me that I shouldn't be with my boyfriend.  Seriously.  The majority of the time, none of you have even the slightest bit of a good reason to say such things, and the rest of the time you see a small picture of what our relationship is and you honestly have no idea what you're talking about.  Do he and I have problems sometimes?  Yeah.  Are we the "perfect" couple?  No.  Not at all.  But we have the ability to fix things when they're not right.  Stop acting/talking as though he's a horrible excuse for a person just because of stupid little things that bother me sometimes.  Just stop. -_-

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I told you I was completely supportive of what you're doing, but now the more I sit back and watch you risk your life like this, it's really killing me on the inside... Please come home :( 

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You're really lucky I don't open my mouth and put you on blast...*sigh* Self-control..

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Rest in Peace

 

Tuhan adalah Gembalaku

Takkan kekurangan aku

Ia membaringkan aku

Di padang yang berumput hijau

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I don't know why I'm hesitating so much here. Why I remain somewhat indifferent. Why I can't move past being fond of you to falling for you. Two days ago, while your eyes met mine shyly and your words slurred slightly, you told me you loved me. And I hesitated. I told you that I liked you a lot, but that I couldn't say those words back to you, not yet. And you said that was fine but later you looked sad, in a moment of awkward silence, and said you felt like crawling into a hole. Why? I asked. "Because I'm tipsy, and talking to much and I'm sorry and I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable... and I'm sorry... again." Oh sweetheart, please don't be. I'm sorry. Sorry I'm flitty and don't know what I want. Sorry that, for some reason, I'm always poised to run. Gah. Just give it time. It'll resolve itself one way or another.

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It's been 4 years, and now you re-enter my life.. I'm not sure how to feel.

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I'm going to be completely honest for a bit. M'kay?

I am a Pentecostal Christian. I believe in the miraculous. I believe that God can and will heal people. I believe that demons are real and are more prominent than we think. (Myself included) I believe that our faith is powerful. I believe in the supernatural.

I know that in the past I have tried to defend Pentecostalism and failed spectacularly. But I still believe what I do. I believe it's what is true. I do not know how to back up my beliefs, but that is simply because I have not yet learned. Not because it is impossible. I am not okay with how I have convinced myself that talking about my faith on here is stupid. I may not be able to convince most of you, but I might be able to build my confidence.

Does this mean I will start cramming my beliefs down your throats? Absolutely not. But I need not be ashamed of my faith anymore. Does this mean I will start openly bashing other denominations? No. I really respect some of you for having so much faith in your beliefs even though they differ from mine.

I just really needed to say that. I don't plan on becoming "Crazy Pentecostal Guy" but I just need to stand up for my faith. That is all.

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I'm going to be completely honest for a bit. M'kay?

I am a Pentecostal Christian. I believe in the miraculous. I believe that God can and will heal people. I believe that demons are real and are more prominent than we think. (Myself included) I believe that our faith is powerful. I believe in the supernatural.

I know that in the past I have tried to defend Pentecostalism and failed spectacularly. But I still believe what I do. I believe it's what is true. I do not know how to back up my beliefs, but that is simply because I have not yet learned. Not because it is impossible. I am not okay with how I have convinced myself that talking about my faith on here is stupid. I may not be able to convince most of you, but I might be able to build my confidence.

Does this mean I will start cramming my beliefs down your throats? Absolutely not. But I need not be ashamed of my faith anymore. Does this mean I will start openly bashing other denominations? No. I really respect some of you for having so much faith in your beliefs even though they differ from mine.

I just really needed to say that. I don't plan on becoming "Crazy Pentecostal Guy" but I just need to stand up for my faith. That is all.

I am non-denominational. I don't know everything about what Pentecostals believe, but I agree with everything you just said. My grandmother was not Pentecostal, but told me to pray like a Pentecostal. "They have a powerful way of praying," she always told me.

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Your perfume stinks and makes me feel sick. Please stop wearing it.

And yes, the departmental memo sent out today was about you!

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None of these are CTF:

 

1) Now my early years of university are part of the distant "nostalgic period" too? Maybe I should buy or make more things as "timespotters" for this period so there's something more when it becomes nostalgic in the future.

 

2) So after all those years of you having your own Christian forum and posting all the time in defence of the Christian faith on that video game forum, you've now turned to the dark side. Is there really nobody who's secure?

 

3) The current way this country is traveling is not sustainable in the long term, but the ordinary people would be outraged if you tried to do anything about it.

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I'm in a missing mood today. I miss the basement-man and I miss my friends back in TX that I've failed to keep up communication with. I miss my high school youth group and I miss what it felt like to be assured in something. I'm just in a missing mood and I think it's because of the rain.

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