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HopeCline

Confessions

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Well, the admins are actually quite lenient. They really only step in and wield their admin ability when there's actual rule breaking. Everything else is a bit of a free for all though. I'd apologize for your hesitancy except it's really something you'll have to come to terms with on your own. People on here are not pillars of reason in the slightest. They're just young adults and kids who find a philosophical debate about random things help them in their daily walks of life. Or they're silly enough to believe that their religious views are the one and only correct way to live... Don't hold it against them if it seems like they'd like to jump down your throat, I think most of them are practicing for some grand debate they think they'll participate in at some point or other. And to give credit where it's due, the majority of people are delightful when they're not taking themselves so seriously.

Thanks for clearing that up. I know it shouldn't really matter if I say something or not. I'm working on it slowly. I just find it ironic that I'm more comfortable with actually talking to people than commenting here even though you can.be judged and ignored in both cases.

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I really might just dye my hair an outrageous color and suffer the perils involved.

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I really might just dye my hair an outrageous color and suffer the perils involved.

Do it! Do it while you're still a teen and don't need to interact with the adult world!

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Do it! Do it while you're still a teen and don't need to interact with the adult world!

 

Alas I've been an adult for a while. 

 

Which is why perils are "consequences" rather than perils... I suspect perils would be more fun. 

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Alas I've been an adult for a while. 

 

Which is why perils are "consequences" rather than perils... I suspect perils would be more fun. 

Ugh... I understand your struggle. I feel similarly a fair amount. 

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When you engage in street preaching and start talking to someone, you need to engage in listening as well. Spending lots of time talking, barely giving me a chance to speak, and then interrupting me before I can finish a sentence, is not how it should be done. 

 

***

 

When I was in my first years of university I wondered if in the future the time would be another "period" of nostalgia. In a sense. Maybe in years to come right now will be a separate "category" as well. 

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It's just a never ending cycle, I'm happy for a few minutes, hours, days, weeks and sometimes even months and then I remember...and slowly I sink into this pit of depression which feels like I will never get out of. Eventually though I manage to somehow pull myself out by forgetting...and I wait...for the next time I'll be pulled back into the pit...sometimes I think it would be best to know for sure...but I know what the likely outcome will be...so I pray...asking God for help...but it never works...

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1) It's been many, many years since I even thought about CTF, and sadly many years since I last thought about my relationship with God.

2) I have allowed my physical health, or lack there of, to get in the way of my spiritual health. Something that I need to change.

3) I am LAZY. Like seriously lazy. I know I can't do much physically, but come on!

4) I am secretly angry that the person I selected to help me in my spiritual life, and support me through the ups and downs of living in this broken world has turned their back on me, and has ignored all attempts to get in contact.

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Do it! Do it while you're still a teen and don't need to interact with the adult world!

Zabby!! You're still here!!

Confession -

I may well be randomly posting '*insert name here* you're still here!!' numerous times over the next few weeks.

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Lol I'm not allowed to call someone directly out on their passive aggressive pouting so I'll just preemptively apologize here.

Sorry being polite or chill in general is a problem for some of you.

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I'm starting to think that I shouldn't be allowed to have friends because I either befriend terrible people who I talk to all the time or amazing people who I always forget to talk to.

Maybe the whole friendship thing isn't for me. Not right now, anyway.

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I'm not nearly as on top of my game as everyone at work and school thinks I am. I haven't given up yet but I feel like I'm about to let a lot of people down one way or another. 

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i could only come up with 3, about my brother. His nickname is twister.

1) I love you twister

2) you're my little love

3) I love it when you babble about tech and video games

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Wow. What a day.

I'm so sorry I've been such a [MOD EDIT] to you. You truly did nothing wrong I just had conflicting emotions and handled it poorly. I really hope we stay connected this time.

---

You're an idiot and I'm done defending you. But I love you so I'll stick with you. The ones that are the hardest to love are the ones that need it the most, right?

---

You're sweet but honey, you have no chance.

---

You and me till the end of time. I will always have your back. Always.

---

Respond faster. I have a total friend crush on you and slow texts aren't making it any easier.

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Brain. Brain Plz. Brain STAHP!  :(

 

First day of work tomorrow. Cue the crippling anxiety. It'll be ok once were a few weeks in, I think, but for right now it's shaky hands, unfocused eyes, shallow breaths and sleepless nights. Ack. I'm an adult dang it. Done with school. Real job now. I mean I'm the FREAKIN PSYCHOLOGIST. I can't be doing this all the time. Its not ruinous. I'll show up. Stumble through my first few workdays and collapse into a puddle when I get home but I'm just so.... frustrated with it all. 

 

I finished. I have my certificate now. I'm official. But there's still paperwork and start of the year things and stuff with the house and the fact that there's clutter EVERYWHERE still (sidebar: When did I get this darn sensitive to clutter?) but I got my certificate! Research is done, presentation is behind me, and I still can't stop thinking about it. 

 

And it's just such a cliche. Cops are aggressive and psychologists are all crazy themselves. 

 

Darn stereotypes. 

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ugh.

 

Why 

 

 

do 

 

you 

 

all 

 

suck 

 

so much?

 

Is it that hard to be ... decent?

 

welll honestly, Maybe I'm not normal. I did learn to shut a lot of things off like immediately. I grew up taking care of my immediate family. The priorities... ugh. I feel sick. 

 

But honestly. you all suck... so much. It's disgusting. Maybe I'll learn enough to satisfy my boyfriend's standards and socialize with you scumbags for a little while so he doesn't feel bad. Then I'll just disappear because... you all.. .are really freaking wretched. Just unbelievably gross. I don't feel emotions like I know I've learned I should and I still know... the majority of you, you're just awful.

 

CTF has some really messed up kids. 

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Sometimes I wonder why you did what you did and whether I deserved it or not. Maybe I did, maybe I'm all at fault. I don't know.

 

Sometimes I wonder if you ever truly cared. Or if I was always unwanted by you. You sure had a heck of a way showing you cared if you really did......but oh well. What's happened is in the past and what will happen, will. So, might as well wait for it.

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Why can't I stop? I don't want to do it anymore! I don't want to seem fake! I want to be for real!

 

Lord I pray for help with this. I pray for guidance in this matter. I need your help. Show me the way out!

 

Amen.

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Dear clients, today has been an extremely difficult day for me. Working with you today, seeing the progress and positive changes you are making, while knowing that I need to say goodbye soon, made me very sad. I know most of you think that we are only in this profession for the paycheck (which isn't much of one), but I do care about each and every one of you more than you can know. i still have hope that you can turn things around and be positive members of society. Please don't prove me wrong. 

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How do you afford such a nice house in a nice area when houses are so expensive?

***

Does anyone give you feedback? 

***

Can't you people just get over it and move on with your life? 

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Once it hits the point where I basically just assume that you are going to let me down, I really don't see the point in investing any more of my time on you. 

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