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HopeCline

Confessions

11,407 posts in this topic

Once it hits the point where I basically just assume that you are going to let me down, I really don't see the point in investing any more of my time on you. 

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Stop calling me. I don't work for you anymore. Perhaps, if you had shown this interest in my work and my clients when I still worked for you, I'd still be your employee. 

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Why are you back in my life? I'm glad that you enjoy my company. I'm glad that we're on good terms but really don't you get it? I can't say no to you. Worse, now that you're closer I find myself wanting to check up on you. Did you get that thing you need for work? Have you settled in ok? It's pathetic and I hate myself for it. You've done nothing wrong, of course, but at the same time it's hard to believe you're really that emotionally illiterate.

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Stop. Just stop. For the love of God everything just stop and let me get my bearings. I didn't plan for this, I didn't know I should have planned this. No one ever told me that post-graduation I'd be working three jobs. I didn't have a plan B and now I feel as though I'm slipping away into a void. I'm losing myself. When I'm not at work, all I can think about is working more to cover these expenses and I feel I can't ever truly wind down because something else needs my attention. When I'm at work I think about better paying jobs, or the job I was trained for, the job I SHOULD be working right now. But no. I sell paint 40 hours a week and interpret another 3. It was SUPPOSED to be the other way around. I didn't spend 20K on a degree for interpreting to sell paint. I didn't waste 5 years of my life jumping through hoops and working my donk off to work 2 retail jobs. 

And when I tell others how I feel, they just tell me to just trust you. Well, I'm getting kind of tired of "just trusting" without any results. I'm getting tired of being called to things only to feel like I've been led on a wild goose chase.  Where the heck are you in all of this? You made me and you know I can't just sit  still and wait for you. I need action and I need it yesterday. My bills won't stand for that, I won't stand for that. If feel like you gave me really crappy directions, like a map with half the turns missing. I'm running on empty, running on fumes, running on coffee, high on stress.  What about all those dreams you gave me? Those aren't going anywhere.

I'm running out of time and have no resources to fix that. Where is my breakthrough? Why aren't you keeping your promises? Where is YOUR end of the deal? 

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It's not that I don't understand where you are coming from. I get the point you were trying to make, I won't argue with that. 

The words you selected in making that point were hurtful and unnecessary. The whole thing never even needed to be said. I won't apologize for having feelings and wanting to be treated with respect. 

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I am done every time something gets a little difficult I am always the problematic one. You say you love me then you bite my head off. I can't really handle it, okay. I'm done with it.

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I spent so much time on here when I was younger, my first username was Techno_Panda. Was fun then when I was a wee child christian.

I came back couple of years later because I still had an account and I was bored as heck, wanted to see what was new, but man, you guys really know how to drive people away. 

This place is dead. :twisted:I'm gonna rant. 

So. trump and his america and his obnoxious racist followers. Then there's the followers who decided their concerns were more important than common decency so they ignored the fact that trump has always been a batty crazy hypocritical ignorant hateful old creep. I was initially wrong about him, I thought he would waltz into the office and realize he was out of his depth and waltz back out to avoid drowning. 

I was wrong guys, look like trump's so delusional he's dragging america into the deep end with him. We're all going down. 

Thanks for that, I legitimately hated trump voters and actually yelled at my own mom because of her initial leanings towards voting for him. (not sure who she ended up voting for.)

I'm a little better now, I talked to a few level headed trump voters and they explained their initial decision but it didn't really curb my disdain for the morons who voted for trump purely out of dislike for Hillary, that was petty and childish, I don't know why they expect anyone to take them seriously. 

This election was really bad.

My mom and I don't talk much anymore. My dad I haven't yelled at mainly because he used to beat us around and I don't really want a broken nose. However dad knows I'm angry at him for his partisan crap. He's just too much of a jerk to really do anything about it other than wait for me to "come around". It's like he doesn't realize I'm his daughter. 

As for your religion, here's some thoughts.

Christianity's unchecked unacknowledged flaws have turned it into a burgeoning cult.

You people like to play victims while kicking other religions in the teeth. 

Then when you're called on it snide little remarks are made because you don't care what other people think so long as you have your "loving" god on your side. 

Some of us grow out of religion, Surprise! mental health is a genuine thing and you people would be a lot happier and healthier if you actually invested in it. I'm not talking about your half backed church counselors. Trust me I did that and it's about as useful as... well saying "I'll pray for you." Cop out. You guys are psychologically lazy.  

You promote insidious life styles, you reject provable science, you're condemning people you have no right to condemn and you're trying to impose your faith on this (for the moment) free nation.

I'm not saying another religion should replace christianity, but dang some of you people are detrimental to society, acknowledge that your religion has atrophied and requires a reboot or move the heck on. (lol do whatever the heck you want, this is a rant.)

CTFers, first couple of years were great -good balance of level headed christian kids and weirdo fanatics, after that tho, you had a lot of self righteous brats and annoying holier than thou apologists who honestly thought their debate skills were better than they actually were. Kinda grinds my gears when I'm talked down at like I don't deserve a say in something because I'm not a christian. You guys aren't winning points by making people think you're too mentally ill to have a normal conversation. ;)


 Pielette/MadameCaptain - Boogles - Marley - Logos - Towr - ebonyrose - fireintheeast - Josh - comedymusichistory - curryjacket - AquinasD - Foofer - Jakob - slycooper - (I'm sure there's others, it's just been a few years) You guys were fantastic and I respect you. Some of you were downright decent examples of consistently non-judgmental christianity (captain was cool all around and I think fireintheeast was a diff religion, don't remember but she's been gone for a long time.) don't take my word for it, I'm just some random on the internet you never really knew, it's a compliment not a brand.

Maybe I was too standoffish? Probably. 

Oh yeah, Wesker, man I hope you're not as hard on yourself as I remember. I hope you're doing okay, I was worried but didn't know what to say. I'm sorry. 

The rest of you, eh  I don't care. Have a nice life. 

There I'm done. Now I'm off to never return

*mods, if you find any of this offensive you have my consent to delete it ;). And delete my account while you're at it. :naughty:this is called closure. I'm working an audit and I'm stressed as heck and tired. I came back out of curiosity.

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