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ray16

A Virgin that is TOO sexual?

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Perhaps I am. I feel like I might be. I am a virgin but by no means am I pure. I'm a very sexual person but only to myself. I never show that side to anyone. I have regular sexual fantasies about all kinds of things. I recently had one about an orgy with a bunch of different women. I am 17 and trying to stay pure but it's not working. I'm wondering If I am TOO sexual? If there's such thing. I don't know how I'm like this. All the guys and girls I have known (my friends, random students, etc.) have all talked recklessly about their sexual escapades with no shame at all. I'm not uncomfortable with what their saying but I usually fake being relaxed about it. It's actually shocking to hear the actual accounts of what happened. They do things that most people don't do well into their 20s! I tell them straight up I'm a virgin and christian and haven't really done anything. I have no shame in this. But everyone is usually sort of shocked. That's when I get wondering about myself. How can I be THIS sexual and still a virgin? I have peeked inside the karma sutra plenty of times, I have seen porns, and masturbate regularly. Perhaps that is why? I like anything on TV or Films or in Books that involve sex. Idk but I am so lost and confused about myself. I am a contradiction. I claim to be virginal and seem really innocent in school, but I also am deeply sexual inside and always thinking about sex and having sex fantasies. But at the same time, I am extremely spiritual. I have a good relationship with the lord I swear. I try to pray everyday and I pray for ANYTHING. If I am scared about something - I pray, if I am stressed or troubled - I pray, when I am too angry inside - I pray. I'm deathly afraid of going to hell. Most of my un-christian friends think it is all a joke and live care free. I know different and I think about it everyday. When I am in church, if the pastor is boring me, I read the bible religiously. I just am a walking contradiction and I don't understand it. Help. Thanks!

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First of all, I want to say that you aren't going to go to hell for this. What you're going through is very common among teenagers, Christian or not.

You're not that different from other guys with your fantasies and sexual feelings. I would recommend staying away from the porn and anything that might be lustful to you.

If you want to contact me and talk about anything, feel free to send me a PM, IM, or e-mail.

Hang in there dude, you're going to be just fine. ;)

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Perhaps I am. I feel like I might be. I am a virgin but by no means am I pure. I'm a very sexual person but only to myself. I never show that side to anyone. I have regular sexual fantasies about all kinds of things. I recently had one about an orgy with a bunch of different women. I am 17 and trying to stay pure but it's not working. I'm wondering If I am TOO sexual? If there's such thing. I don't know how I'm like this. All the guys and girls I have known (my friends, random students, etc.) have all talked recklessly about their sexual escapades with no shame at all. I'm not uncomfortable with what their saying but I usually fake being relaxed about it. It's actually shocking to hear the actual accounts of what happened. They do things that most people don't do well into their 20s! I tell them straight up I'm a virgin and christian and haven't really done anything. I have no shame in this. But everyone is usually sort of shocked. That's when I get wondering about myself. How can I be THIS sexual and still a virgin? I have peeked inside the karma sutra plenty of times, I have seen porns, and masturbate regularly. Perhaps that is why? I like anything on TV or Films or in Books that involve sex. Idk but I am so lost and confused about myself. I am a contradiction. I claim to be virginal and seem really innocent in school, but I also am deeply sexual inside and always thinking about sex and having sex fantasies. But at the same time, I am extremely spiritual. I have a good relationship with the lord I swear. I try to pray everyday and I pray for ANYTHING. If I am scared about something - I pray, if I am stressed or troubled - I pray, when I am too angry inside - I pray. I'm deathly afraid of going to hell. Most of my un-christian friends think it is all a joke and live care free. I know different and I think about it everyday. When I am in church, if the pastor is boring me, I read the bible religiously. I just am a walking contradiction and I don't understand it. Help. Thanks![/b]

A walking contradiction huh? You're not alone.

First things first: God designed you as a sexual being. He created the sexual act to be pleasurable, fulfilling, fun, and in order to procreate. This is a good thing. However the hard part comes when our desires--the sexual ones, the deep ones, the ones you never tell anyone about--start to go wrong. This happens because we are sinful beings. We have a sin nature--we desire to sin. BUT, God says we must control our thoughts, our actions, and our desires, keeping them pure to live a Christian life and grow closer to Him. He says this because doing that will lead to the best possible life we can have--and not doing it will wreck our lives.

You need to start cleaning up your mind. Once you start doing this, your desire for sexual material will wane--as it should until you are married. It won't go away, but the point is to not give it fuel, keeping it under control. Cleaning up your mind involves not listening to anything God would not want you to (obscene jokes, risque stories, raunchy music, etc), not seeing anything along those lines (porn, men's magazines, erotic books, and no sex manuals--i.e. the kama sutra--). This isn't meant to stifle your sexual self, but rather to control it, and fulfill it the way God commands: through one wife only. Get rid of the sexual material you live or put yourself around, and you will find things becoming easier.

Cleaning up your mind also involves controlling your thoughts. You said you fantasize a lot. This needs to stop. Controlling your thoughts is harder than simply getting rid of outside triggers, but it is doable. Again, this is for your own good--God wants you to live for Him in ALL of your life, not just one part or one day a week. Try reading and applying a book called The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer. It will help you control your thoughts.

Another thing you need to do, based of your thought life (i.e. your sexual fantasies), is to stop masturbating. This one is probably the toughest one, I bet. Why should you stop? Because it makes you desire a sexual life that God created you for when you are ready--married. Also, you seem to lust over things, which often goes hand in hand with masturbation. Quitting this will help you gain control instead of lusting. You'll find yourself thinking more clearly as well.

Believe me, I've been where you are. It's good that you pray regularly, but there's more to the Christian life than that. You won't begin to grow in God until you give up everything that displeases Him. Christianity isn't designed to be compartmentalized; it's designed to be overflowing and active in every area of your life to the fullest. God will help you--He wants to help you--but only when you want help, and try to start doing your best for Him. He allows baby steps, and He knows we're human. You can live a fuller life without being so cluttered up by rampant sexual desires.

Again, let me stress this: sexual desires are good. They only turn bad when they turn to lust and become out of control. This is what it seems like you're going through. God created you with those desires for a purpose. He won't take them away, but He expects you to control them. He understands what you go through and what you struggle with.

If you'd like to talk to me, feel free to PM me. You might try reading Romans 1-8 (Paul was a walking contradiction too--see chapter 7), 1 Cor. 10:13, 1 John 1:9, and 1 John 3.

God Bless, and I'll pray for you.

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First of all, I want to say that you aren't going to go to hell for this. What you're going through is very common among teenagers, Christian or not.

You're not that different from other guys with your fantasies and sexual feelings. I would recommend staying away from the porn and anything that might be lustful to you.

If you want to contact me and talk about anything, feel free to send me a PM, IM, or e-mail.

Hang in there dude, you're going to be just fine. ;)[/b]

How can you honestly tell him he's not going to hell? You, a human being, cannot say that truthfully. There is no objective way to determine who is going to hell or not.

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How can you honestly tell him he's not going to hell? You, a human being, cannot say that truthfully. There is no objective way to determine who is going to hell or not.[/b]

"No objective way to determine who is going to hell or not"? We have an objective King who has laid down laws. If we transgress those laws, we can look at His objectivity and say "X will lead one to hell, therefore this person will end up in hell unless they repent".

Likewise, if we do what God says to do in order to saved and stay saved, we can also look at His objectivity and say: "As long as this person repents of their sin and maintains their salvation, he is going to heaven and be with God".

Furthermore, if you mean absolute, 100% objectivity in a human being, you would be correct. However, neither our world nor our beliefs run on absolute, concrete, objective knowledge. This is simply because we are unable to have absolute knowledge. Instead, we work from a high degree of reasonable certainty for our faith.

Regarding sexual sin . . . because God has said so, I can say that unless one repents and pursues God instead, one will most certainly send themselves to Hell for that.

1Co 6:9-10 GW

(9) Don't you know that wicked people won't inherit the kingdom of God? Stop deceiving yourselves! People who continue to commit sexual sins, who worship false gods, those who commit adultery, homosexuals,

(10) or thieves, those who are greedy or drunk, who use abusive language, or who rob people will not inherit the kingdom of God.

and likewise:

1Jn 1:9 KJV

(9) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

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I'm a 21 year old virgin and there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm perfectly content with never having sex. Sex is just another experience. It's no more significant than any other experience, especially when you consider just how many stupid disgusting people have sex everyday.

There is no reason to fear Hell. If you're anything like most people, no amount of religious living will ease your mind if you accept the notion of eternal suffering. Logic (and God's nature) supports Annihilationism. Your fear is a choice.

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Human sexuality is complex, and it is from God. There are three major things you have to remember about yourself. First, you are 17, and for the next several years you will have double the normal surges of hormones going through your system. (The average guy has seven surges per day; yours is more like 14.) Second, we live in a sexually charged environment with more leisure time than any other culture before us, which means, guys have more time to think sexually much earlier and for many more years prior to marriage than years before us. Finally, you are not expected to be more than human which why we are given sufficient grace. Feel free to email or chat with me anytime you have questions about anything.

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Perhaps I am. I feel like I might be. I am a virgin but by no means am I pure. I'm a very sexual person but only to myself. I never show that side to anyone. I have regular sexual fantasies about all kinds of things. I recently had one about an orgy with a bunch of different women. I am 17 and trying to stay pure but it's not working. I'm wondering If I am TOO sexual? If there's such thing. I don't know how I'm like this. All the guys and girls I have known (my friends, random students, etc.) have all talked recklessly about their sexual escapades with no shame at all. I'm not uncomfortable with what their saying but I usually fake being relaxed about it. It's actually shocking to hear the actual accounts of what happened. They do things that most people don't do well into their 20s! I tell them straight up I'm a virgin and christian and haven't really done anything. I have no shame in this. But everyone is usually sort of shocked. That's when I get wondering about myself. How can I be THIS sexual and still a virgin? I have peeked inside the karma sutra plenty of times, I have seen porns, and masturbate regularly. Perhaps that is why? I like anything on TV or Films or in Books that involve sex. Idk but I am so lost and confused about myself. I am a contradiction. I claim to be virginal and seem really innocent in school, but I also am deeply sexual inside and always thinking about sex and having sex fantasies. But at the same time, I am extremely spiritual. I have a good relationship with the lord I swear. I try to pray everyday and I pray for ANYTHING. If I am scared about something - I pray, if I am stressed or troubled - I pray, when I am too angry inside - I pray. I'm deathly afraid of going to hell. Most of my un-christian friends think it is all a joke and live care free. I know different and I think about it everyday. When I am in church, if the pastor is boring me, I read the bible religiously. I just am a walking contradiction and I don't understand it. Help. Thanks!

Ray, I hope I am wrong but something tells me you are not telling us the whole story. For someone to be so obsessed with sex in this way there has to be something behind it as it is not normal.

You have either had some trauma earlier in your life or else you are being influenced by a spirit of some kind. That being the case, and the two might be linked, you need to figue out what is happening inside you to make you like you are.

The people who are saying it is normal and there is nothing to worry about, I can assure you it is something to be very worried about. Dig deep brother and see if you can isolate reasons for the way you think or are. There may be a history of something in your family that has been passed down.

Purity of thought is essential for the believer if he is going to remain in victory which is what Christ wants you to experience. Confusion does not come from God.

just remember it is the truth that sets you free, not denial.

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I'm wondering If I am TOO sexual?

First to answer your question. Yes, you are. Along with me and most guys out there.

Also no, if you have a good relationship with god you won't go to hell but if you let this take over your life you very well could be led astray from the path he wants you to be on.

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I'm going through the same thing my friend. but today i made the first step. i told my girlfriend about my addiction and also arranged to meet up with an older, respected mentor and dropped a hint it was about this. The problem normally isn't the masturbation. Thats normally the symptom of a problem. I have realised that this my problem is self hate. i dont/didnt love myself. this may have been started by bullying but idk it was a long time ago. but what you need to do is draw closer to God. be intimate. You cannot have a pure relationship while this happens. I've moved away from God so much. But now im coming back. I have hope. I have come back to the foot of the cross and laid my life down again. Today i have hope. But i now need to work hard and draw closer to God now so i can start to love myself.

I pray you will reach the same place with God. Email me or whatever.

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