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TeenLeaderTom

How to keep mentally pure in a relationship

26 posts in this topic
So I've been getting to know this girl really well, and we haven't kissed or anything, but you know just once and a while a thought might pop in my mind that I don't want to think about and dwell upon, how do you guys combat these thoughts and how do you help prevent them. Thanks dudes :)

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steps:
1) keep 20 yards away from her
2) force her to wear as much clothing as possible Every bit of skin covered.

On a serious note, focus your attention on Christ. Keep focused on your relationship with God, and if you feel like something would affect your relationship with God negatively, do not do it. Its not about how far you can go before you sin, but rather how much more do you want relationship with God than a girl.

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[quote]steps:
1) keep 20 yards away from her
2) force her to wear as much clothing as possible Every bit of skin covered.

On a serious note, focus your attention on Christ. Keep focused on your relationship with God, and if you feel like something would affect your relationship with God negatively, do not do it. Its not about how far you can go before you sin, but rather how much more do you want relationship with God than a girl.[/b][/quote]
ok anyone know where I could send her to buy some puritan clothing?


lol


Well your advice is good, but its not exactly what i meant. I'm not so much afraid of doing anything bad, I'm simply afraid of thinking something bad about her...its part of my ocd issue but I believe it can also be a lust issue as well. Basically I'm looking for advice on how to keep mentally pure, cuz the brain is a tough bull to wrangle.

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Pray anytime you think such thoughts or feel the urge to think them. I don't really have a problem with lusting after the young woman I like, I just daydream of being with her [i]a lot[/i], she is constantly on my mind. I wouldn't say this is a bad thing, but I should be focusing on God more.

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[quote]ok anyone know where I could send her to buy some puritan clothing?


lol


Well your advice is good, but its not exactly what i meant. I'm not so much afraid of doing anything bad, I'm simply afraid of thinking something bad about her...its part of my ocd issue but I believe it can also be a lust issue as well. Basically I'm looking for advice on how to keep mentally pure, cuz the brain is a tough bull to wrangle.[/b][/quote]


But if you are focusing on your relationship with God, that will take care of your thoughts.

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You can:

1) Punch yourself on the arm as hard as you can.

Or...

2) Read The Word that is derived of God. Who, in fact, [i]is[/i] the purest thing known to mankind. Read it, know it, love it, digest it, read it again, know it some more, and love it to the point where nothing else matters.

Good luck and bless you. ^_^

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have a predecided turn-off thought so whenever a bad thought comes replace it with that thought.

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Scripture that helped me through allot not sure where it came from.

"Drawn near to me as the clothes are to your skin, and you will not want to satisfy your selfish desires."
Selfish desires = Bad thoughts... Keep close to God, keep him more important than her.

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With the girl I've been most seriously involved with (read: emotionally, not physically as she wished to be pure for her husband) that was never an issue. You might just find that, even being extremely attracted to her you might find most of your thoughts focused on just how great it is to spend time with her. Particularly if she is also a Christian.

Apart from that, remember to give yourself some leeway, don't go looking for thoughts or "feed" on them, but accept that sometimes things like that will happen. Don't relish them but don't look at them as the end of the world.

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Keep strong brother.
I was in the same predicament as you were,
all I really did was to focus my mind on other things.

I also worked out alot.

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How do I personally get through these situations?

Horribly painful electro-therapy and a photograph of Nigel Havers I have in my wallet at all times.

[img]http://www.nigelhaversalliance.com/pics/nigel_havers_president.jpg[/img]

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[quote]How do I personally get through these situations?

Horribly painful electro-therapy and a photograph of Nigel Havers I have in my wallet at all times.

[img]http://www.nigelhaversalliance.com/pics/nigel_havers_president.jpg[/img][/b][/quote]

If your being serious, I want to meet you because that's hilarious and courageous. :P If not.. it was still funny.

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Well, firstly I realise that there's absolutely nothing wrong with these sorts of thougts and that the best thing to do is to just go for it and act of them. It makes you feel good and it makes her feel good. :)

Josh

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[quote]Well, firstly I realise that there's absolutely nothing wrong with these sorts of thougts and that the best thing to do is to just go for it and act of them. It makes you feel good and it makes her feel good. :)

Josh[/b][/quote]

Well, I highly disagree with what Josh says, but he and I always disagree, ya know? ;) :D

On the thoughts of having the girl dress as a Puritan...that cracked me up...lol. One doesn't have to wear THAT much clothing to be modest. Simply not having tight clothing, shirts that go too low or pants that are too tight can largely assist the guy in not having thoughts about her body or other things.

Also guys, one thing that actually does work when a girl is wearing tight clothing or something like that....just look away, lol. Its not like you have to stare at the girl. If you look away right after realizing the type of clothing she's wearing, and don't look back at the clothing she's wearing, you're far less likely to have these kinds of thoughts about her.

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[quote]Well, I highly disagree with what Josh says, but he and I always disagree, ya know? ;) :D

On the thoughts of having the girl dress as a Puritan...that cracked me up...lol. One doesn't have to wear THAT much clothing to be modest. Simply not having tight clothing, shirts that go too low or pants that are too tight can largely assist the guy in not having thoughts about her body or other things.

Also guys, one thing that actually does work when a girl is wearing tight clothing or something like that....just look away, lol. Its not like you have to stare at the girl. If you look away right after realizing the type of clothing she's wearing, and don't look back at the clothing she's wearing, you're far less likely to have these kinds of thoughts about her.[/b][/quote]

The Bible says that we are to bring every thought captive. Puritan dress is not the issue, nor tight clothing. Paul wrote about thought control because a girl can have on a moo-moo, and if you are in the right zone, your thoughts will still get the best of you. The fact is that you have to choose to think on something else. Philippians 4:8. That is how you remain pure. Thoughts come and go; it's what you do with the thoughts that create the problems. We like them, so we entertain them, i.e. build on them.

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When a lustful thought pops into my mind, I pray that God would help me to keep those thoughts out of my mind, and to give me the strength to fight them when they do pop into my mind. Also, from experience, it doesn't work to just try to get rid of the thought. If you try to just get rid of a thought, then it leaves your mind empty and vulnerable, and you probably won't have a choice of the next thought that pops into your mind. It works best to replace the thought so that you are thinking about something else.

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Remember what Jesus did when he was tempted in the wilderness: He quoted verses.

I'm guilty for not memorizing enough verses, but I truly believe it's our best defense against lust and other powerful temptations. It's something I think we all need to work on, amiright?

[list]2 Tim 2:22 (CWB) [i]Run from youthful passions; look for what's
right and [b]focus on faith, love and peace[/b]. Help those who are doing
the same, serving the Lord with pure hearts.[/i][/list]

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[quote]It's hard.. Facts show that a man has a "lustfully" thought every 52 seconds.[/b][/quote]


OOOOMMM SILLY STATISTICS NOMONOMNOM RAAAWWRRGH THAT CAN'T BE REASONABLY TESTED YOMYOMYOMY NEEEEARRRGH *eats*

Yummy =3


Anyway actions determine attitudes and habits, and those determine thoughts, therefore you should begin by acting purely, i.e. by not having sex, by not masturbating, by not choosing to indulge in pornography, etc.

Once you do that, there's not alot you can do about feeling guuuud about women. So just accept the feelings and the fleeting, uncontrollable thoughts. Once you accept them as reality, you'll realize that the feelings aren't your decisions and that you don't have to let them control you in any way shape or form. And when you figure that out, you'll stop feeling guilty for having emotions shared by every male who ever lived, and that will make you an altogether healthier person <3

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[quote]So I've been getting to know this girl really well, and we haven't kissed or anything, but you know just once and a while a thought might pop in my mind that I don't want to think about and dwell upon, how do you guys combat these thoughts and how do you help prevent them. Thanks dudes :)[/b][/quote]

Remind yourself what you're in this relationship for. Constantly.

Personally I say do some soul searching, find out what you want. And act on it. Refuse to slake your thirst for intimacy by keeping your distance emotionally and physically, or embrace that you want to get with her and hope to high heaven that she wants to get with you too... And then get married or whatever the correct procedure is in that situation.

[quote]It's hard.. Facts show that a man has a "lustfully" thought every 52 seconds.[/b][/quote]

... Pardon?

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[quote]It's hard.. Facts show that a man has a "lustfully" thought every 52 seconds.[/b][/quote]

It makes me wonder how they ran that survey. I'd imagine some sort of button some guy carried around throughout a normal day and pushed it every time he had an inappropriate thought. In that case I can only imagine the following scenario:

Oh gosh darn. *push button*
Goes about doing task.
[ 52 seconds pass ]
Oh, what was this button for again?
Oh yeah.
[ Loop back to top ]

Lesson being: don't count. Don't keep record. Just push the thoughts away.
[list][b]James 4:7[/b] [i]Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.[/i][/list]

[quote]Well, firstly I realise that there's absolutely nothing wrong with these sorts of thougts and that the best thing to do is to just go for it and act of them. It makes you feel good and it makes her feel good. :)

Josh[/b][/quote]

I respect the fact that you're no fundamentalist - but honestly, how convenient is it that your "true" interpretation of the Bible doesn't contradict anything you want to do?

You may be in a fort of intelligent words and proper english, but I worry [about you - mod edit]

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If I may, I have had a similar problem and it is indeed quite difficult. Specifically, I would have, as I call them, "impulse thoughts" where someone would say something and I would have an immediate, yet lustful and inappropriate, thought. I would filter it out, and say whatever is socially acceptable.

And it is horrible because, as much as I try to persuade myself that my spoken words are actually what I want, I know my original thought. And its devastating.

Solution? I would say prayer. Controlling your arm muscles, you lungs, you legs, well that is easy. But controlling your mind is entirely different. And something that with God, can be accomplished. For He can do anything.

:)

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