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somedude

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Hey guys new to the forum. I've been very close friends with this girl for a couple of years now. Care about her so much and love her to death more than i love myself. I am talking as a friend even though i did have deeper feelings for her at some point. The point is i care about her and always try to encourage her on the right path...God's path. she is a christian. Now this is the thing. I felt like I knew her in and out and I knew about her life and had a good idea of you know just about everything about her but yesterday she told me something that was absolutely shocking. She told me that she had in the past at one point in her life done some sexually immoral things(never went all the way but other things). she said she absolutely regrets it and hates that time in her life. i was completely shocked and was overcome with just feelings i cant describe. i mean that sort of thing came up and she seemed like she was completely pure so this just sent shockwaves. i was sad, dissapointed, angry and hurt. most of all i was just shocked and so sad that someone i cared about so much had made such an unfortunate mistake. i am a mess like all of us but never gone over the line in that realm before in my life and just i mean especially for a teenage girl just doing that stuff isnt right and clearly it had a negative affect on her. its that feeling of u did that...u know when u do that u r looked at differently because u know its something that is so sacred and private and meant for marriage. today was the first day at school after she told me and i just acted normal cause its a huge secret but inside i just couldnt look at her the same even though shes changed and regrets all of it. idk i guess its dissapoitment but its a terrible feeling. i love her so much and i just feel so angry that she has had that innocence taken away from her. idk wut to do i know im no better than her thats not the issue. its just how do i cope with this its horrible i wish she could be completely pure...even though she didnt go all the way its still not pure. please help.

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Hey guys new to the forum. I've been very close friends with this girl for a couple of years now. Care about her so much and love her to death more than i love myself. I am talking as a friend even though i did have deeper feelings for her at some point. The point is i care about her and always try to encourage her on the right path...God's path. she is a christian. Now this is the thing. I felt like I knew her in and out and I knew about her life and had a good idea of you know just about everything about her but yesterday she told me something that was absolutely shocking. She told me that she had in the past at one point in her life done some sexually immoral things(never went all the way but other things). she said she absolutely regrets it and hates that time in her life. i was completely shocked and was overcome with just feelings i cant describe. i mean that sort of thing came up and she seemed like she was completely pure so this just sent shockwaves. i was sad, dissapointed, angry and hurt. most of all i was just shocked and so sad that someone i cared about so much had made such an unfortunate mistake. i am a mess like all of us but never gone over the line in that realm before in my life and just i mean especially for a teenage girl just doing that stuff isnt right and clearly it had a negative affect on her. its that feeling of u did that...u know when u do that u r looked at differently because u know its something that is so sacred and private and meant for marriage. today was the first day at school after she told me and i just acted normal cause its a huge secret but inside i just couldnt look at her the same even though shes changed and regrets all of it. idk i guess its dissapoitment but its a terrible feeling. i love her so much and i just feel so angry that she has had that innocence taken away from her. idk wut to do i know im no better than her thats not the issue. its just how do i cope with this its horrible i wish she could be completely pure...even though she didnt go all the way its still not pure. please help.[/b]

First of all, if she was not molested or raped, her innocence wasn't taken. She made choices to do things. All of us have sinned and come short of the glory, including you. There is no sin different from another when it comes to God's forgiveness. If God forgave her, who are you to be angry and hold it against her. Furthermore, in the culture we are in, the more unchurched people that come into the church, the more likely girls and guys will not be completely without scars from sexual activities in their lives. You need to get over yourself, because right now you sound more like this about you instead of her. She trusted you enough to tell you something that intimate, you need to feel honored that she trusts you like that, and be grateful that you have such a great person in your life with whom you can be honest with each other like that.

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Hey guys new to the forum. I've been very close friends with this girl for a couple of years now. Care about her so much and love her to death more than i love myself. I am talking as a friend even though i did have deeper feelings for her at some point. The point is i care about her and always try to encourage her on the right path...God's path. she is a christian. Now this is the thing. I felt like I knew her in and out and I knew about her life and had a good idea of you know just about everything about her but yesterday she told me something that was absolutely shocking. She told me that she had in the past at one point in her life done some sexually immoral things(never went all the way but other things). she said she absolutely regrets it and hates that time in her life. i was completely shocked and was overcome with just feelings i cant describe. i mean that sort of thing came up and she seemed like she was completely pure so this just sent shockwaves. i was sad, dissapointed, angry and hurt. most of all i was just shocked and so sad that someone i cared about so much had made such an unfortunate mistake. i am a mess like all of us but never gone over the line in that realm before in my life and just i mean especially for a teenage girl just doing that stuff isnt right and clearly it had a negative affect on her. its that feeling of u did that...u know when u do that u r looked at differently because u know its something that is so sacred and private and meant for marriage. today was the first day at school after she told me and i just acted normal cause its a huge secret but inside i just couldnt look at her the same even though shes changed and regrets all of it. idk i guess its dissapoitment but its a terrible feeling. i love her so much and i just feel so angry that she has had that innocence taken away from her. idk wut to do i know im no better than her thats not the issue. its just how do i cope with this its horrible i wish she could be completely pure...even though she didnt go all the way its still not pure. please help.[/b]

My best suggestion is for you both to move on. Life is understood backwards but lived forwards (based off quotes from Kirkegaard and C.S. Lewis). Its like driving. While yes you do need to look in the rearview mirror occasionally, focusing on it rather than the road ahead will cause bigger problems. She messed up in her past. So what? God forgives. If she lives pure now, what difference does her past make? Was God shocked when the 'secret' was let out of the bag? No. He knew that she would mess up before she messed up. Did His affection for her change? Never once did His perfect love change for her. Why should yours? Do not be angry. Be loving. Accept her for who she is, and move on.

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Since you're clearly kept from sleep at night by the idea that 'your woman' could be less than 'pure', why don't you cut off all contact with each other and shower a few times just to make sure she didn't infect you with her sin. Perhaps you could stone her to death while you're at it for good measure.

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Since you're clearly kept from sleep at night by the idea that 'your woman' could be less than 'pure', why don't you cut off all contact with each other and shower a few times just to make sure she didn't infect you with her sin. Perhaps you could stone her to death while you're at it for good measure.[/b]

Brilliant...what's next? Kill all who have been sexually immoral?

No offense, but I don't even know why you posted, Egoleech. He's asking for advice, not stupidity.

Now, on to what she did...

It'll take time for you to heal and to forgive her, but the sooner the better. And its not something you can just say, but something that has to be a part of your heart.

I made mistakes very similar to her, but I went all the way, and now I regret it greatly. Granted, I am a male, so I'm affected differently emotionally than she is, but it still hits hard at times. By what you have said, its clear she is repentant of what she did; if she is, then there is nothing wrong with continuing to be her friend, if not more to her. And also, take into account that she alone did not do those things; there was also a guy involved, so she did not make the choices on her own, but shares the blame with him. And don't worry about the guy she did it with; if you actually meet him one day, you may actually whack him a good one(it may happen to me for what I did), but remember: just as the others before me(excluding Egoleech) have said, forgive her, as Christ has.

Also, on how you thought she was completely pure: it is actually quite honorable of her to have chosen to tell you. She could've never told you, and just lived a lie. And continuing this thought line, purity can be restored by God, and Him alone. If she has been repentant, as you've made it clear she has been, then God will no doubt restore that purity as she walks with Him. It'll be hard for her to forget what she did, if she ever will. The best thing you can do to help her, is show forgiveness and compassion, so that it isn't often brought to mind for her(I, on the other hand, have photographic memory, which is quite painful to have in my case).

And remember Somedude: though she made mistakes, she is repentant(by what you have said). If one is truly repentant, then God will restore the purity that was lost. Oh, and if you're still angry several years from now and you meet that guy, I wouldn't recommend it, but you might wanna give him a whack(unless he's military or police, lol).

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