USAOutlaw Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 So I have put myself in a very sticky situation and I really just need someone to tell me I'm not crazy. I have been dating a wonderful girl for five months now, she is amazing and is truly just the most awesome person I have ever met, I love her. Sadly she was raped two weeks before we started dating, we were friends at the time and I had been trying to get up the nerve to ask her out for quite a while, I was just too fearful of rejection. Before I go on let me say she has some issues, past sexual trauma, past self harm, former lesbian, thankfully all of that garbage is in the past. Anyway, continuing on. She went to the beach with some friends for spring break, at the time she thought she might be interested in this girl that went with them (An apparent side affect of the first rape). The girl brought a male friend along who proceeded to get my girlfriend drunk, then the guy raped her while the girl watched, my girl friend was unconscious while this happened to her. One night, about a week into our relationship and almost a month after the event she confessed to me that she had been raped and that her "time of the month" was late so I took care of her, I bought pregnancy tests (They turned out to be negative) and let her know that I was there for her no matter the result. Now after initially telling me it was rape she is questioning whether or not she was raped, she is confusing me by telling me that maybe she had let him do it because she was drunk and can't remember much. Honestly I can't deal with it, to make matters worse I have to see the guy around the college I attend, he is a freaking Saudi foreign student here on government money! I can barely control myself, everything in me screams "Break him" and I could do so easily considering my far superior physical conditioning and the training I have received. I don't even know why I'm posting this, I guess I'm just trying to distract myself. So, any advice? Anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justinh Posted August 21, 2010 Share Posted August 21, 2010 my advice is try to styay away from him and keep a close eye on her make sure she is ok and doesnt go near him either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest searching4truth Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 Pray for her and let him know if you here of him doing anything of the sort again, you will break him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alyosha Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 First of all, she was raped. If she was 'let him do it' when she was drunk, then it means he took advantage of her while she was intoxicated. Would she have had sex with him if she was sober? No. If a guy has sex with a drunk girl who doesn't understand what's going on, it's sexual exploitation, i.e., rape, even if there was no struggle involved. You should encourage her (gently, don't push her if she's not ready) to report this guy to the police. He's a Saudi. No one will be on his side. If you report him, chances are he'll get deported back to Saudi Arabia very quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sausagecat92 Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 First of all, she was raped. If she was 'let him do it' when she was drunk, then it means he took advantage of her while she was intoxicated. Would she have had sex with him if she was sober? No. If a guy has sex with a drunk girl who doesn't understand what's going on, it's sexual exploitation, i.e., rape, even if there was no struggle involved. You should encourage her (gently, don't push her if she's not ready) to report this guy to the police. He's a Saudi. No one will be on his side. If you report him, chances are he'll get deported back to Saudi Arabia very quickly. Firstly, it's not rape, she is responsible for herself when she drinks, if she said "yeah, let's have sex" when drunk, then she's giving him permission. If she wouldn't have sex with him while sober, that's her choice, it has nothing to do with the actions of the man in question. If she is passed out, that's rape. If she is conscious, but just drunk, it's her choice, she still has the capacity to reply "no". If the roles were reversed and it was a drunk man who a woman had sex with it wouldn't be rape. Would it? Secondly, there's no need to bring race or nationality into the issue, it has nothing to do with it. Why does it make a difference where he's from or that he's on government money? Would the situation be any worse or better if he was a rich American? It's completely immoral to get somebody deported on the basis of race, which is racist, for something that nobody involved seems to be clear about, least of all you, a guy from the internet. Aside from this, to the OP, how do you know that he's actually on government money? How do you know his circumstances, how do you know he doesn't have US citizenship? You shouldn't make such assumptions and judgements unless you're on personal terms with the guy. Finally, on topic, if your girlfriend keeps changing her story, it is likely that she was not raped, but just has regrets or feels guilt about the sex, she says she was drunk and can't remember then you have to take that into account. However, it is also a distinct possibility, and it's completely up to you whether or not to trust her. She is your girlfriend, and you know her better than strangers on the internet. Bring the issue to the forefront with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jordo001 Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 Firstly, it's not rape, she is responsible for herself when she drinks, if she said "yeah, let's have sex" when drunk, then she's giving him permission. If she wouldn't have sex with him while sober, that's her choice, it has nothing to do with the actions of the man in question. If she is passed out, that's rape. If she is conscious, but just drunk, it's her choice, she still has the capacity to reply "no". If the roles were reversed and it was a drunk man who a woman had sex with it wouldn't be rape. Would it?Secondly, there's no need to bring race or nationality into the issue, it has nothing to do with it. Why does it make a difference where he's from or that he's on government money? Would the situation be any worse or better if he was a rich American? It's completely immoral to get somebody deported on the basis of race, which is racist, for something that nobody involved seems to be clear about, least of all you, a guy from the internet. Aside from this, to the OP, how do you know that he's actually on government money? How do you know his circumstances, how do you know he doesn't have US citizenship? You shouldn't make such assumptions and judgements unless you're on personal terms with the guy. Finally, on topic, if your girlfriend keeps changing her story, it is likely that she was not raped, but just has regrets or feels guilt about the sex, she says she was drunk and can't remember then you have to take that into account. However, it is also a distinct possibility, and it's completely up to you whether or not to trust her. She is your girlfriend, and you know her better than strangers on the internet. Bring the issue to the forefront with her. I agree with just about everything, but if a woman is leglly intoxicated (over above some point, I can't remeber) she cannot LEGALLY give consent fo sex. This whole race this is COMPLETELY irrelevant though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USAOutlaw Posted October 31, 2010 Author Share Posted October 31, 2010 First, sorry I have yet to reply, I got caught up with life and forgot about this post. To all who have doubts, It was rape. The same guy was bragging about raping another girl so my girlfriend finally took some action using some evidence she recently found, there is also evidence to believe she was drugged. Now, Sausagecat92, you should be ashamed of yourself! The girl in question is Jewish and that brings with it some very different circumstances. My anger has nothing to do with race and everything to do with the fact that my government refuses to help a woman who was raped (brutally might I add) by a student who was brought to this county with money from my university and my government. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paper Towels Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 My advice: encourage your girlfriend to report this guy to the police and be there by her side to support her. Its not just about moving on so to speak but this guy could be victimizing other women in the future, best to report him to the authorities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaintPeter Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 when my mom was in college she got raped by two Arab foreigners, anywho, sounds to me is that she is trying to convince herself that it wasn't rape and try and stay away from him also if possible keep your friend that got raped away from the saudi AND the girl she went on spring break with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USAOutlaw Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 SaintPeter-I'm sorry to hear that, it really sucks. I have kept her safe thus far and will continue to do so, I'm really a rather intimidating figure and on the one occasion when I had to see the filth in public he stayed as far from my girlfriend and I as possible, I could smell the fear. -L- I tried to get her to go to the police but she has little physical evidence and the process of reporting it to the University we attend was more than traumatic enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Power Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 -L- I tried to get her to go to the police but she has little physical evidence and the process of reporting it to the University we attend was more than traumatic enough. If this guy actually raped her, then it's her duty to report it. Failing to do so will allow for this guy to continue to sexually assault women. Yes it's going to suck, and she will have to relive this traumatic experience, but that is better than letting it happen to someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USAOutlaw Posted November 2, 2010 Author Share Posted November 2, 2010 If this guy actually raped her, then it's her duty to report it. Failing to do so will allow for this guy to continue to sexually assault women. Yes it's going to suck, and she will have to relive this traumatic experience, but that is better than letting it happen to someone else. I wish she would report it, honestly. Sadly she refuses to go to the police. This happened to her before, when she was a child and she was vilified for reporting a rape to a therapist who then went to the police, the criminal was never punished but my girlfriend was harassed, taunted, threatened and emotionally crushed throughout the process. Because of the first incident she has needed years of therapy (even intervention in highschool). I have pushed her to report the latest incident, but I just can't bring myself to push her any harder, her body is badly scarred and almost every scar is self inflicted, she has too many scars to count ranging from her shoulders to her fingers and while she has been stable and has not cut, starved or burned herself for a very long time (Well prior to the latest incident), I just don't have the will to push her and take the chance of causing her to relapse. The rape was brutal enough, the physical trauma was bad and the emotional trauma is worse but she thinks that involving the police at this point would only make things worse as she is sure the guy would get away with it even if she were to report it. I want revenge but that is overridden by my desire to see her safe and and psychologically well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
author_within Posted December 29, 2010 Share Posted December 29, 2010 USAoutlaw, If your desire for revenge is truly overridden by that desire to see her safe and psycholigically well, that is an EXTREMLY good thing. Honestly, I kinda just want to hug her right now and tell her everything will be okay. I sorta live by this motto: "Be the change" Cliche , I know, but you could litterally be the very thing that keeps her sane. By you always being there for her and always loving her NO MATTER WHAT (Even if she hates you and stops talking to you) You could be the very thing in her life that says with your actions that there is good in the world. It sounds like she's been through so much. I just hope that you love her despite anything. Always be there for her. If she has a nervous breakdown, be there. If she gets sick, be there. Be the change. I hope things turn out well you you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunner Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 1. Accept her and don't worry about it. To get rid of a memory or thought you have strong emotional attachment to, you have to bring it up, then let it rest having removed the emotion. Recapitulating them to get rid of their negative emotional effect. 2. If he gives you an excuse, destroy him. Revenge is useless really but if it's your thing, well, I understand. There's a lot of people I have ought against but it's been quite an experience just not worrying about them. (People that have stolen from me, broken my trust, literally robbed and jumped me, etc.) Meh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts