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EmilyJ

Sexual desires

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Hi, Im emily !

Ermm I was wondering if other girls/women struggle with sexual desires as much as i do?

I mean i watch porn and I mastrubate quite a lot. Thinking about how much i do it makes me want to literally Kill myself , I feel discusting and vile after watching Video's on the internet. but I cant help myself , ive been struggeling with this for years now , as far as i can remember i watched erotic films on tv with my brother when i was younger , but i never knew that i'd be addicted to it for the rest of my life ! and sometimes , when i get a chance with a guy , when it seems like they like me and they go too quick , (ive never been as far as sex tho) But im always scared to say No, cuz I feel like im worthless anyway There's no point in saying No when i watch these things on the internet which makes me guilty of the crime anyway. and this is probably going to lead me to have sex before marriage , which is the only thing im still holding on to.

I think these desires have gone to far and there are days where I feel in my heart that its gotta stop and I tell myself I am going to stop but a day or so later I start again.

and because i feel so vile afterwards I usually have a cutting session, to Kinda make myself feel better , to make me equal if you know what i mean, to have as much pain as i had pleasure , i think.

But yeah. Do other girls feel this way as well??

Help please?

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What is "quite a lot"? Hormonal urges and those feelings are normal. You shouldn't feel ashamed about relieving them and engaging in them doesn't make you worthless. If you don't like the thought of looking at porn then stop, there are other ways to relieve those urges that don't involve porn. Whether you have sex before marriage or not is your choice, but I recommend (at least the first time) do it with someone that means something, not just a guy that gives you attention.

Admitting that you're cutting, on top of all these feelings of guilt points to your real problem being depression, not sexual problems. I suggest you talk to your doctor and see a therapist and/or perhaps get on some medication.

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oh emily you are NOT worthless. you are never that even if you feel so you are not. this is a problem that you need to take to God. this is an addiction that is not going to go away in a day. what you need to do is to replace that addiction with something else. prevent yourself from looking up thost things and letting your mind wander to such stuff. ask God for His help and it will be easyer. but listen to me, you are not worthless. you are Gods child. that makes you gold and not less than me or anyother girl here. the Bible says that all our sins are as filthy rags, that covers the porn to the little white lies, they are all on an equal level there. nothing you can do will make you worhless to Him or to anyone else.

and please do not harm yourself that is doing nothing but hurting yourself, not justifying anything or making things equal for what hs been done. it causes pain to god when you do such to yourself.

hold on emily, hold on to it with all your might and give it to God. you are better than that to let a guy take it from you. sin is sweet for a season, but it bares great regrets in the long run. dont let go, and give it to God.

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Emily, darling. Right now, stop and smile. You are beautiful, you are unique, and you are probably going to turn into a sex goddess some day. Ha. Seriously, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nothing. You are perfect exactly as you are in this moment, desires and all. Feeling bad about your desires is just going to make them stronger. At this moment, relax. Now, I'll address each of your points individually.

Masturbation is *not* wrong. Not at all. You can't tickle yourself, but you can pleasure yourself. Wonder why that is? Because it's completely and utterly awesome. Enjoy it, and don't let anyone shame you into thinking that it's wrong. Trust me, it's not, and everyone would do it if they understand the fact that there is nothing that makes it wrong. Nothing. It's the safest kind of pleasure you can receive. I mean, when was the last time you got yourself pregnant or broke your own heart? I'm suspecting never. Moving on.

Pornography, on the other hand, is something that I disagree with because of the way it objectifies women. In those films, we are turned from active members of a sexual act into a toy for men to use. Most of the time, female orgasm is completely and totally ignored, or faked. It is raising a generation of young people who think that that is what sex is supposed to be like. And it's not. If you still want to watch pornography, I would advise you to find some made by women, for women. It's about there, promise. It's it's so much healthier for your sexuality than that male-based crap.

Now, don't ever make yourself feel vile. Humans are sexual beings, and what you are doing is not immoral. To be honest, sweetie, it seems like you have a lot of problems with your self-esteem and your ideas about sexuality. I would advise you to stop doing anything sexual with guys until you reach a point of self acceptance. Until you know exactly what you want and why you want it, you shouldn't be involving another person in your pleasure. You want pleasure, and there is a way for you to get that: masturbation. Until you've reached a place where you can say that you love yourself, talk openly with your partner about your fears and your wants, and also take all of the repercussions of your actions into account, I would hold off on the guys.

Everything about you is completely normal. Smile, love!

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Look, Emily these things you are dealing with are very dangerous. These are very dangerous demonic oppressions and you need to be stronger than them, stronger than your flesh. Fight back with prayer, repentance and spiritual warfare. But if these demons have so much control over you now, their not going to give up easily, but you must fight back, fight back and don't give up.

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Hey, Emily. :) I just want to start off by telling you that you are absolutely not worthless. An almighty God who is far bigger than we can ever imagine thought you were worth dying for, and He did just that. He came down to our level so He could protect you from feelings of guilt, shame, and to prove how valuable you are to Him. He loves you more than our simple human minds can ever comprehend, unconditionally and perfectly. No matter what you've done, or what you're doing, He is always willing to help you. Never doubt your worth, and certainly don't let any guy define who you are. If he makes you feel like you're worth nothing because you won't give in to his carnal desires, he's not worth your time.

Secondly, I absolutely know what you're going through. This is actually something I've recently beaten...very recently. I got so caught up in it that it made me sick to my stomach. I knew it was wrong, I didn't want to do it anymore, but I did. Honestly, I can't remember a time where I felt more down on myself than when I was doing this kind of stuff. But it IS beatable. You CAN get over it. Sometimes it feels hopeless and impossible, and it isn't going to be easy, but it's absolutely possible.

If you let God take control and let Him be your obsession and desire, then everything else eventually starts to become meaningless. I'm not saying you won't be tempted to go crawling back to this mess, but when you have someone like our powerful God to protect you from those temptations and spiritual attacks, it makes things a whole lot better. I'll be the first to tell you that this is certainly not something I could do on my own. I've always prided myself on my strength, but when this found its way into my life, I couldn't get out of it. I was helpless and no matter how hard I tried, it just felt like I kept getting deeper and deeper into it.

Then one day, I just got fed up. I was exhausted, broken, and I just flat out sick of acting this way. So I started praying... I turned everything off and just spent some time ranting my feelings to God, and when I was done, I just sat there in tears listening. His voice is soft, so you have to listen closely, but if you do listen, you'll realize that He's been waiting for you to ask for His help all along.

When you let Him help you, He'll show you your value and His love for you. It's an absolutely amazing feeling of freedom. You don't have to be suppressed by your feelings of guilt anymore, knowing that our amazing savior has completely taken care of it. He came and died so you didn't have to cut yourself in order to alleviate the guilt. He suffered that pain for you, knowing that it was the only way to pay for our sins.

Sorry if I'm rambling, I could go on and on about how much God loves you. I'll be praying for you, girl. If you need someone to talk to, absolutely feel free to PM me.

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You have problems with depression, not sexual urges (which, as stated, are quite normal). Talk to a doctor, counselor, teacher, trusted adult, etc.

But since said person has not come back I question the sincerity of this topic.

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Masturbation is *not* wrong. Not at all. You can't tickle yourself, but you can pleasure yourself. Wonder why that is? Because it's completely and utterly awesome. Enjoy it, and don't let anyone shame you into thinking that it's wrong. Trust me, it's not, and everyone would do it if they understand the fact that there is nothing that makes it wrong. Nothing. It's the safest kind of pleasure you can receive. I mean, when was the last time you got yourself pregnant or broke your own heart? I'm suspecting never. Moving on.

Pornography, on the other hand, is something that I disagree with because of the way it objectifies women. In those films, we are turned from active members of a sexual act into a toy for men to use. Most of the time, female orgasm is completely and totally ignored, or faked. It is raising a generation of young people who think that that is what sex is supposed to be like. And it's not. If you still want to watch pornography, I would advise you to find some made by women, for women. It's about there, promise. It's it's so much healthier for your sexuality than that male-based crap.

Now, don't ever make yourself feel vile. Humans are sexual beings, and what you are doing is not immoral. To be honest, sweetie, it seems like you have a lot of problems with your self-esteem and your ideas about sexuality. I would advise you to stop doing anything sexual with guys until you reach a point of self acceptance. Until you know exactly what you want and why you want it, you shouldn't be involving another person in your pleasure. You want pleasure, and there is a way for you to get that: masturbation. Until you've reached a place where you can say that you love yourself, talk openly with your partner about your fears and your wants, and also take all of the repercussions of your actions into account, I would hold off on the guys.

I do not agree with this. I believe that any form of masturbation or porn is sexual immorality and is a sin. Nevertheless, this does not in any way keep God from chasing after you and loving you. He will wash you clean if you just ask, and turn from your sin. You have some dangerous chains on you: depression, low self-esteem, lack of self control, etc. It is important to ask God to free you from these chains. It will not happen over night. In fact, seeing as how deep you are in this, it will probably take quite some time to become completely free. I do not have experience with this and have not spoken with anyone who has, so I can't tell you how long it will take. But no matter what, God can get you through anything, and he will, because he loves you and wants you as his own.

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Blacknight, Skad and Rock4, I'm absolutely and entirely in love with your posts. I was nodding at your lines and found myself saying yes, yes, YES! in my head, because those are precisely the answers you are needing, Emily.

Emily, dearest, God cares about you, we care about you; do not, ever, think that you are worthless, cuz you are by any means a unique person woven and designed by Lord Himself for a purpose in this world. Yes, I know it's cliche and don't roll your eyes ^^. But that is the ultimate truth, and you as yourself is a blessing and miracle.

How old are you anyway? Just wondering. I'm 17, and it's gonna be a 240% lie if I say I don't have the same urges as you do. Those kinds of thoughts can and will be encountered by everyone our age not just from porn (just think about it, the slightest, seemingly innocent statement can trigger some unwanted stuff right? LOL), and it's very, very easy to daydream about it. Believe me I do, and there's no way you can just forget about it after knowing these stuff (that's why, innocence has always been an amazing thing, at least for me). Hormones are normal, and it's part of our body. Our perception, though, is what differs.

Mm well, I really can't give you any "wow" advice or anything, so I'll just share my opinion on this.

I told you I have the same troubles and I was thinking over this stuff for who-knows-how-long, but I came to the decision, just recently. I tell myself: if now, among my family and the watch of those who love me, I don't have control of my actions and responsibility towards myself and God, just how can I control myself when I go out there? To my university, to the outside world where we are supposed to be the light of the world? If I don't start now, then it'll be all too late; if I fear my parents but not God, how can I deserve to be called His daughter and fulfill my purpose? Yes, I very much agree with you in sex before marriage, cuz as I see it now, if I don't grow up now and be responsible to myself, that scenario have a **** high chance of happening.

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I've been dealing with a specific sexual urge for as long as I can remember, before I even knew it was bad to have such lustful fantasies. It definitely hurts to have it on my conscience. I wonder if I could find some sort of online support group for my specific problem. Well, I've read that many people who have it don't see it as a problem, but I feel it is keeping me from God. And I don't know how to say no to it, since I've had this for most of my life.

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you know, dreamsofsomeday, recently I've been struggling with lustful thoughts/desire to masturbate and I need someone to talk to. Maybe we could talk; we could be "accountability partners" of sorts. PM me? This would be longer but... I'm in a public place right now x.x

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I think we all deal with the urge to masturbate and/or look at porn or immoral things at some point in our life. I would agree with a lot of the posters that this type of activity is not safe/right/godly/acceptable. However, Emily...you are much better than this. You are a gem, made in the image of God. You need to grab hold of this and never let go. Definitely let me know if you need an accountability partner or if you want to talk more about it. Remember, Jesus is Lord, and if you look to Him, He will deliver you. It may take some time, but He is faithful. :) Have hope, you will prevail in your battle!

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Hey you guys.

Sorry its taken so long.

I thank you guys SO incredibly much for the replies.

you guys are amazing.

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This thread makes me really, really sad. I am a regular church-going Christian (catholic), but I do not share ALL the beliefs, and this example of this poor girl who's feeling worthless shows what aspect I hate about Christianity the most.

Short history: virginity was a bigger deal in biblical times because the men wanted to be sure of the paternity of the child if a woman got pregnant. Today, not such a big deal. NOWHERE in the bible does it EXPLICITLY say "no sex before marriage" (obviously, if that's your belief, that's perfectly acceptable; but it's only one way of INTERPRETING the bible). It also nowhere says no to masturbation.

My CCD teacher once told us in order to be good followers of Christ, we are allowed to QUESTION everything; we need to remember that the bible was written by humans, and although it is considered "the word of God", it did not come straight from his mouth. Who knows what could have happened in the 2000 years that passed from translation to translation?

Sex is so completely natural- having sexual desires is akin to wanting to eat and drink: it's just part of our physiology. It makes me disgusted that churches place so much emphasis on virginity that people end up having severe psychological issues later in life. You're gonna repress all those sexual thoughts until you're 30, then somehow, you're gonna flip a switch on and be sexual when you're married? Nuh uh. AGH (Ain't Gonna Happen).

Then again- I completely respect others who have decided to be a virgin for their OWN reasons, and not someone else's. I definitely believe there's a negative side to this myth of "purity" though- as seen in the case of Emily in this thread.

Emily- I am Christian and I think about sex a lot (then again, I'm in my 20's). If you're serious about wanting to kill yourself over this, I urge you to talk to someone. You sound like a very kind and beautiful person, and the world needs people like you here, even if you don't see it now. I used to be very, very guilt-ridden because I liked to masturbate like you. But what kind of God would create a creature that has the ABILITY to touch themselves, but then forbid it? Not any God that I'd want a part of.

My advice: keep masturbating, if you want to. Enjoy being alive! We don't have much time on earth to be beating ourselves up over this stuff. Enjoying your body and your God-given sexuality is NOT going to upset God. Make sure you continue to pray and be a good person. That's what matters to him, anyways.

Here is a good website for information about all things relating to female sexuality: http://the-clitoris.com/ It has a good section about feelings of guilt and masturbation. I suggest you take a look. God bless!

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This thread makes me really, really sad. I am a regular church-going Christian (catholic), but I do not share ALL the beliefs, and this example of this poor girl who's feeling worthless shows what aspect I hate about Christianity the most.

Short history: virginity was a bigger deal in biblical times because the men wanted to be sure of the paternity of the child if a woman got pregnant. Today, not such a big deal. NOWHERE in the bible does it EXPLICITLY say "no sex before marriage" (obviously, if that's your belief, that's perfectly acceptable; but it's only one way of INTERPRETING the bible). It also nowhere says no to masturbation.

My CCD teacher once told us in order to be good followers of Christ, we are allowed to QUESTION everything; we need to remember that the bible was written by humans, and although it is considered "the word of God", it did not come straight from his mouth. Who knows what could have happened in the 2000 years that passed from translation to translation?

Sex is so completely natural- having sexual desires is akin to wanting to eat and drink: it's just part of our physiology. It makes me disgusted that churches place so much emphasis on virginity that people end up having severe psychological issues later in life. You're gonna repress all those sexual thoughts until you're 30, then somehow, you're gonna flip a switch on and be sexual when you're married? Nuh uh. AGH (Ain't Gonna Happen).

Then again- I completely respect others who have decided to be a virgin for their OWN reasons, and not someone else's. I definitely believe there's a negative side to this myth of "purity" though- as seen in the case of Emily in this thread.

Emily- I am Christian and I think about sex a lot (then again, I'm in my 20's). If you're serious about wanting to kill yourself over this, I urge you to talk to someone. You sound like a very kind and beautiful person, and the world needs people like you here, even if you don't see it now. I used to be very, very guilt-ridden because I liked to masturbate like you. But what kind of God would create a creature that has the ABILITY to touch themselves, but then forbid it? Not any God that I'd want a part of.

My advice: keep masturbating, if you want to. Enjoy being alive! We don't have much time on earth to be beating ourselves up over this stuff. Enjoying your body and your God-given sexuality is NOT going to upset God. Make sure you continue to pray and be a good person. That's what matters to him, anyways.

Here is a good website for information about all things relating to female sexuality: http://the-clitoris.com/ It has a good section about feelings of guilt and masturbation. I suggest you take a look. God bless!

DaysGoBy, thank you so much for explaining this.

I feel like so many people on this forum could benefit from allowing themselves to question the Bible and the things they've been taught at church. Yes, of course, everyone is entitled to his or her own beliefs, but if that belief causes you shame over something completely natural and instinctual(sex is a DRIVE; it is something we are born with, like the urge to eat or drink...and masturbation is the safest, most natural response to a normal sex drive), then it is definitely time to examine whether the things you've been taught are correct.

I wish everyone on this site would read this. MASTURBATION IS NATURAL. SEXUAL THOUGHTS ARE NATURAL. Do not feel guilt or shame over them. Accept them as part of yourself, and use them to learn about yourself. Learn what turns you on and what makes you feel good. That way when you do have a partner(before or after marriage) you will be able to teach him what does it for you, and you can have amazing sex.

I really wish I could give the OP a hug.

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Last two posters = legends.

Emily, sweetheart, don't beat yourself up over this. It will be OK. You're not doing anything wrong. I don't know, I'm not exactly a Biblical scholar, but a quote that's often used when talking about masturbation is that your body is a temple. Normally, Christians will take this to mean that masturbating defiles that temple. I don't think that's how it should be interpreted. Masturbating is one way of loving your body, just like, I don't know, exercising or eating healthily. In a sense, you're honouring your body because you're fulfilling its needs and finding out how it works. You believe God gave you that body - so why is it anything to be ashamed of?

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