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FallenAngel

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To whom it may concern,

I need help... I feel like im living two lives. My father is a pastor and well I have my perfect PK life... but on the other side I have my horrible side... I am to the point of breaking and I just need someone I can talk to anonymously..

A little backstory on my horrible side... Flat out.. I am addicted to porn, I am a self abuser, I have had suicidal tendencies for a few years now, and I repeatedly fall back into sexual sin. I have been to christian counseling for my problems. I never actually have been honest about everything in my counseling sessions and well there not helping. I am having a hard time believing that God actually cares about me. Im to my ropes end and I seriously think I might do it this time.

The only thing that has ever held me back is my fear of hell.. I do believe in God, heaven, hell and all that. I just feel like what I have done is well beyond forgiveness or redemption. Even if God will forgive me, I dont know if I will ever be able to forgive myself.

I dont feel close to anyone anymore.. In a world full of people, I feel alone.

in desperation,

Fallen

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Dude, I feel for you. I know its going to be hard, but what you really need to do is to come clean with everybody about everything. Talk to your parents, friends, counselors, and tell them what you just told us. That is the only way you can get the help you need. Truth is, they might be a little shocked, but they won’t be mad. It’s going to be very humbling, but it’s what you have to do.

Listen, THERE IS NOTHING THAT IS BEYOND FORGIVENESS!!! The WORD says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Trust me, the fact that I am here typing on my computer is a testament to the fact that GOD can do amazing things in people’s lives…people, like myself, who were once so broken and so messed up that the world had written them off for dead. THIS IS THE POWER OF THE LOVE OF CHRIST!

You said your father is a pastor, so I’m sure you know your bible. Think about King David. He slept with this dude’s wife, Bathsheba. When she became pregnant, David wanted to get rid of her husband, so he sent him to the front lines of a battle, then told all the other soldiers around him to abandon him when the fighting started. This guaranteed that this man, whose wife David had had sex with, would be killed. The man died in battle. Pretty despicable stuff, right? Well, the story doesn’t end their. David asked forgiveness of GOD. GOD was pretty [...] at him, but he forgave him. David reformed his ways, and GOD rewarded him for this. GOD gave David a place in the lineage of Jesus. And if you look in the book of Matthew, it shows how David is a relative of Jesus. And he wasn’t that embarrassing uncle either. In Revelation 5:5 its talking about the return of Jesus and it says, “Behold, The root of David, the Lion of the Tribe of Judah”. To be called an ancestor of David was an honor. That’s quite a redemption story, to go from being a murderer, to being in the same family of Jesus Christ.

All throughout the WORD, you can find stories about terrible, rotten, messed up people who turned to GOD, repented, and went on to do great things for the world. There was a time when I thought i could never recover, never be redeemed, but I was DEAD WRONG. YOU can be one of those people. YOU can experience this kind of healing and redemption. But your going to have to seek help, seek forgiveness, and seek restoration. Let me leave with a verse from the WORD, its Matthew 7:13.

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.

14 “For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.

It’s going to be a rough path to recovery, but with the help of GOD, you can do it.

Will be praying for you,

Shel-Yudah

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