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lostandconfused

Feel like my life is cursed

So since day one my life has been just one big mess. It's like I can't catch a break, not even for a second. I had an abusive father growing up, I was diagnosed as bipolar at the age of 8, all through school I was just completely insane because they had me on the wrong medication, I was bullied constantly through out school, I lost my job like a month ago, I have been struggling with addictions to drugs since the day I started them (although I have been clean for about 2 years), I am having issues with the people living above me, they are trying to get their friends to hurt me or maybe even worse (really don't want to go into details about that), I can't maintain a relationship if my life depended on it, I have disturbing nightmares every night. I could go on and on as to why I feel like my life is cursed. I guess I am just trying to figure out why God allows my life to be so incredibly awful. I pray, although I have my weeks or days where I struggle with habitual sin. It's so hard to praise and worship a God who lets all these awful things happen to you over and over. At first I thought maybe God was just testing my resolve or trying to bring me closer to him. Now it's just getting to the point that I am terrified of God. I don't see him as a loving creator, I see him as a wrathful and angry God. I think he wants to destroy me or possibly drive me insane.

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woah, sounds like you have a lot of tough stuff going on. First things first: God is not Someone to be terrified of; He is good in every way.

The reason bad things happen to good people is complicated. Nobody understands it completely. But this is the best way I can explain: Because God is loving, God is fair. (He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:45) Because God is fair, He allows the same amount of freedom to all men -- they can do bad things if they want. That means if we want to have our freedom to follow Him, we have to allow that bad people have freedom to do bad things. If God suddenly zapped someone as soon as they did bad things, well, He wouldn't be a very loving God.

God never promised that if we follow Him we'll have an easy life. In fact, Jesus often warned that we will be hated by the world because the world hated Him. It's not about having an easy life.

Here is a Bible passage about sufferings, and a few other things:
[quote name='Romans 5:3-8']Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
[/QUOTE]

I hope this helps :) I don't have much else to add :p

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Lost and confused, I very much feel for you and would love to help you find release from your situation. Unfortunately it is against the rules to offer counsel so I cannot give you any practical advice. If you want to take advantage of anything I can offer you, it will be necessary for you to PM me. It just means that others with similar problems can't benefit from our conversation.

Blessings

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[quote name='lostandconfused']So since day one my life has been just one big mess. It's like I can't catch a break, not even for a second. I had an abusive father growing up, I was diagnosed as bipolar at the age of 8, all through school I was just completely insane because they had me on the wrong medication, I was bullied constantly through out school, I lost my job like a month ago, I have been struggling with addictions to drugs since the day I started them (although I have been clean for about 2 years), I am having issues with the people living above me, they are trying to get their friends to hurt me or maybe even worse (really don't want to go into details about that), I can't maintain a relationship if my life depended on it, I have disturbing nightmares every night. I could go on and on as to why I feel like my life is cursed. I guess I am just trying to figure out why God allows my life to be so incredibly awful. I pray, although I have my weeks or days where I struggle with habitual sin. It's so hard to praise and worship a God who lets all these awful things happen to you over and over. At first I thought maybe God was just testing my resolve or trying to bring me closer to him. Now it's just getting to the point that I am terrified of God. I don't see him as a loving creator, I see him as a wrathful and angry God. I think he wants to destroy me or possibly drive me insane.[/QUOTE]
You are correct in seeing God as wrathful. Nahum 1:2-3 (NASB) states:
[QUOTE][i]A jealous and avenging God is the LORD;
The LORD is avenging and wrathful.
The LORD takes vengeance on His adversaries,
And He reserves wrath for His enemies.
The LORD is slow to anger and great in power,
And the LORD will by no means leave the guilty unpunished. [/i][/QUOTE]
In fact, Hebrews 10:31 says: [i]It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.[/i]

But why is God wrathful? Why is the world in such a dreadful state? The answer is simple: sin. God, who is of infinite perfection and holiness, hates sin.

Over 6000 years ago, Adam sinned. And God certainly did not just brush the issue aside. Rather, man was cast out of the garden and cursed... all of those consequences for eating a piece of fruit. How terrible is sin! How utterly filthy it is! You and I both deserve death. We both deserve infinitely worse than all of the terrible things that you have experienced in your life.

More than anything, what shows us the vileness of sin is the cross. Sin is so terrible that the only thing that could save man was the death of God's own Son! Anything short of that would not have been enough to pay for sin.

Whatever it is in your life... always take it back to the gospel. Always take it back to this: I know that I deserve nothing. And apart from Christ I am totally worthless. There is nothing that I could ever do to make myself right before God. I can never work my way there. There is one, and only one way to God. And that way is through Jesus Christ. On the cross, Jesus bore the wrath of God. He bore all of the wrath which should have been poured out on every believer for all of eternity. And if I put my trust in the gospel... if I stop trying and just surrender all to him... then it doesn't matter what I go through in this life. Romans 8:18 illustrates this nicely:
[quote][i]For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.[/i][/quote]
Hopefully I have been of some help to you and whoever else reads this. I can certainly expand on whatever you like. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to send me a PM.

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Wow. You have had a lot on your plate over the years. But just remember that God is always watching over you. Everything He does to or for you has great reason behind it. It could be a test of your faith, to see if you really believe that He will be with you know matter what. You must also keep in mind that if you stay on His path, you will be rewarded eternally, with rewards that are nothing of this world. We have no idea of how awesome the place that is being prepared before us truly is.

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