NEVER REMARRY!

[TeenLeaderTom]

I've discussed this in the past on this forum, and my opinions have changed as I learn more from different teachers as well as from examining the proof shown by all of you.

The Bible is pretty clear in several areas concerning divorce:

1.To divorce an innocent woman is to force her into adultery. Matthew 5

2.To divorce an innocent woman is to commit adultery (the Bible assumes the man is going to remarry) Matthew 19

3.To marry a divorced woman (divorce not being qualified as justified or unjustified) is to commit adultery. Matthew 5

4. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 says the divorced should remain single or be reconciled.

These things are pretty clear. What isn't clear is in Matthew 19:9 where it reads

"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery."

This seems to indicate that a man may remarry, and not commit adultery if his "wife" has committed sexual immorality. However, though this may seem to be a case on the surface, there is an argument to be made that this isn't so.

Sexual morality in the greek is porneia. Adultery in the greek is moicheia. This suggests that perhaps the relationship with this "wife" may not necessarily be marital, but rather a betrothal. The words for husband and wife are the same as the words for man and woman, and were used in the context of Joseph and Mary before they were married, when they were betrothed to one another. At that time, Joseph was considering to divorce marry, even though they were only BETROTHED.

Therefore, the argument here is that Matthew is simply saying it is ok for the betrothed to divorce and marry someone else.

I had to present this topic today in my intro to counseling class, and I cannot even fully express how many times I went back and forth, trying to decide whether the word was more important, and the context it had been used in other parts of the Bible, or whether the immediate context the word was being used in, was of greater importance.

Well have at it. Hopefully we can learn much from this discussion.

[Skadaddle09]

Okay, I agree with basically all of this. I'm against divorce in most cases (excluding abusive relationships and infidelity) but I agree that once you've been married, that person is/was your spouse. One flesh and all that.

But what about death? I'm of the belief that if your spouse passes away, it would be morally alright for someone to remarry... I would just like to hear what you think about that. :3

[Buoyancy]

What about the "unequally yoked" deal? Two people get married, one gets saved. Later on, the non-believer divorces the believer... Is the believer accountable for his actions?

[TeenLeaderTom]

Okay, I agree with basically all of this. I'm against divorce in most cases (excluding abusive relationships and infidelity) but I agree that once you've been married, that person is/was your spouse. One flesh and all that.

But what about death? I'm of the belief that if your spouse passes away, it would be morally alright for someone to remarry... I would just like to hear what you think about that. :3

Romans 7:2-3 says that death is the only thing that separates the one flesh union. So absolutely, a widow may remarry.

[Skadaddle09]

What about the "unequally yoked" deal? Two people get married, one gets saved. Later on, the non-believer divorces the believer... Is the believer accountable for his actions?

Not for the divorce part, no... but I still think there's some iffiness to remarrying. I mean, "saved" or not, they were still man and wife. I would think as a believer, it would make him even more accountable to that one person.

[TeenLeaderTom]

Okay, I agree with basically all of this. I'm against divorce in most cases (excluding abusive relationships and infidelity) but I agree that once you've been married, that person is/was your spouse. One flesh and all that.

But what about death? I'm of the belief that if your spouse passes away, it would be morally alright for someone to remarry... I would just like to hear what you think about that. :3

also this verse 1Cr 7:39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

---------- Post added at 03:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:46 PM ----------

What about the "unequally yoked" deal? Two people get married, one gets saved. Later on, the non-believer divorces the believer... Is the believer accountable for his actions?

i don't quite know what you mean by accountable...but here is the biblical standard.

1Cr 7:13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 1Cr 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you [fn] to peace.

---------- Post added at 03:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:49 PM ----------

What about the "unequally yoked" deal? Two people get married, one gets saved. Later on, the non-believer divorces the believer... Is the believer accountable for his actions?

i don't quite know what you mean by accountable...but here is the biblical standard.

1Cr 7:13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 1Cr 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you [fn] to peace.

[Skadaddle09]

Hmmm....that second verse there... 15...makes me think that maybe he would be free to remarry. I'll have to do some research on that and get back to you. XD

[TeenLeaderTom]

Hmmm....that second verse there... 15...makes me think that maybe he would be free to remarry. I'll have to do some research on that and get back to you. XD

enslaved to stay in the marriage. This doesn't mean that they can marry someone else. To do that would be to commit adultery. The only feasible scenario where remarriage would be permitted would be in the case of adultery.

[Skadaddle09]

enslaved to stay in the marriage. This doesn't mean that they can marry someone else. To do that would be to commit adultery. The only feasible scenario where remarriage would be permitted would be in the case of adultery.

See, that's pretty much where I stand on this.

[Jehovah'sdaughter]

Honestly, divorce is okay in my opinion. I mean, not for a stupid reason like they can't agree on where to put the furniture and get into a huge fight, obviously.

Cheating, abuse, neglect, etc are good reasons to me. My mom, well, I'm hoping she divorces soon. My father has been such an abusive, controlling, awful man. And now that my sister and I are in college and out of college, etc, she is contemplating getting out. And I hope she does.

Honestly, it's a sin. A sin is a sin is a sin, no one sin more important or no more worse than the other. It can still be forgiven. No matter what. So, yes, if my mom divorces and she meets someone who is absolutely *WONDERFUL*, heck yes I want her remarrying. I want my mom to have a chance at a happy married life. I want her to enjoy it, not remain single the rest of her life and be alone.

So, I'm fine with it. I mean, people pick apart these verses. They are what they are. It's one of the ten commandments. But they get broken every day by every single Christian on the face of the planet. What's the difference? Please, tell me that.

[Paper Towels]

i agree with the OP. Arguments for remarriage often stem from Matthew 5:31-32

31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

But tying into the OP, there is a reason why this caveat only appears in Matthew's gospel, and this is because Matthew is writing to a Jewish audience who practiced Jewish marriage customs which were very different from gentile marriage customs. The first stage of the Jewish marriage was for the two families to come to an agreement, an actual contract where the couple would be betrothed to each other in a betrothal ceremony for the purpose of marriage, but the actual marriage ceremony and consummation of the marriage did not occur until some time later (typically a year as I understand it) and during that time, the husband would prepare the new home for the family. This is much different from our modern customs for marriage which are rooted in ancient roman customs where everything is done in one ceremony, there is no marriage "process" per se like there is in Judaism. We express our intention to marry by getting engaged but that is not the same thing as a Jewish betrothal, because an engagement is not binding where as the betrothal ceremony in Judaism was binding.

And so Matthew makes note of this in his gospel which is written for a Jewish audience alerting them that in that context, the only legitimate grounds for breaking off the betrothal is for sexuality immorality on a part of one of the participants. This does not mean you can divorce your lawfully wedded husband or wife and remarry because they committed adultery. And as the OP noted, divorce was also used in the context of breaking off a betrothal as well as a completed marriage.

[TeenLeaderTom]

Honestly' date=' divorce is okay in my opinion. I mean, not for a stupid reason like they can't agree on where to put the furniture and get into a huge fight, obviously.

Cheating, abuse, neglect, etc are good reasons to me. My mom, well, I'm hoping she divorces soon. My father has been such an abusive, controlling, awful man. And now that my sister and I are in college and out of college, etc, she is contemplating getting out. And I hope she does.

Honestly, it's a sin. A sin is a sin is a sin, no one sin more important or no more worse than the other. It can still be forgiven. No matter what. So, yes, if my mom divorces and she meets someone who is absolutely *WONDERFUL*, heck yes I want her remarrying. I want my mom to have a chance at a happy married life. I want her to enjoy it, not remain single the rest of her life and be alone.

So, I'm fine with it. I mean, people pick apart these verses. They are what they are. It's one of the ten commandments. But they get broken every day by every single Christian on the face of the planet. What's the difference? Please, tell me that.[/quote']

If there is real abuse in the relationship I would not be against divorce. I would be against remarriage however. The point of this debate is to determine whether adultery separates the marital union, and thereby allows for remarriage. In all other instances the Bible is quite clear that the person who is divorced remain single. Therefore I would say that God would have it that your mother remain single, which gives opportunity for your father to repent and for their to be reconciliation. Once your father dies, she is free to remarry, as long as that person in Christ.

Obedience should be sought over "happiness" as being in obedience to the Lord brings peace and joy that surpasses all understanding. Your father and mother are one flesh. No man can separate that, but God, who has brought them together. Therefore, your mother must remain single.

What's the difference? The difference is, are you following Christ, or are you not following Christ. Paul clearly says we should not sin so that grace may abound; rather we are to try to live holy lives in submission to Christ, so that we might be made more like him. Those who love God will obey His commands. Yes, we are not perfect in that, but God sees man's heart. To deliberately sin, to have an attitude of, "Oh, I can sin because Christ died for me and doesn't matter really anyways, cuz people sin all the time" should be a serious warning sign, as it is an indication that a true transformation of that persons heart has not occurred. Good trees don't produce bad fruit. Bad trees produce bad fruit. That's the difference.

---------- Post added at 06:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:02 PM ----------

See, that's pretty much where I stand on this.

Well that's what is up for debate though. Does adultery give license to remarry? ie: does adultery sever the marital union?

[NoMoreLies]

What if there is no possibility for reconciliation without further divorce - one of them has remarried already? If one has remarried, then have they not committed adultery - sexual immorality - and so their former partner is free?

Certainly, if there is a chance of reconciliation, I am against it, and my position is one I feel is backed up by Scripture. If one partner remarries, however, the other is free to do likewise.

[TeenLeaderTom]

What if there is no possibility for reconciliation without further divorce - one of them has remarried already? If one has remarried, then have they not committed adultery - sexual immorality - and so their former partner is free?

Certainly, if there is a chance of reconciliation, I am against it, and my position is one I feel is backed up by Scripture. If one partner remarries, however, the other is free to do likewise.

To remarry without already formerly committing adultery, is considered to be adultery. That's why in Matthew 5, Christ says the man who divorces an innocent forces her into adultery.

The Bible doesn't say what to do if the spouse remarries. The Scriptures seem to only indicate that a person is still one flesh with their spouse until the death of the spouse.

This would make sense in light of the Scripture that reads, "what God has brought together, let no man separate." Death would only truly separate them.

[NoMoreLies]

However, if the spouse remarries, have they not committed adultery? Therefore, surely that counts as sexual immorality, which would allow for a full divorce, one in which they can remarry?

Remarriage of the former spouse removes all possibility of reconciliation; they are free to remarry.

[TeenLeaderTom]

However, if the spouse remarries, have they not committed adultery? Therefore, surely that counts as sexual immorality, which would allow for a full divorce, one in which they can remarry?

Remarriage of the former spouse removes all possibility of reconciliation; they are free to remarry.

Well that's where the whole debate lies. God doesn't want us to divorce, but the primary reason he doesn't want divorce is because the assumption is that that person is going to remarry and thereby commit adultery. The scripture you're alluding to is up for debate because the greek word for sexual immorality is porneia. The greek word for adultery is moicheia. In matthew 15, matthew puts the two words next to each other, clearly differentiating between.

So the opposing argument to what you're saying would be that sexual immorality refers to porneia rather than to moicheia. This suggests that Matthew was writing in reference to betrothal. In John 8:41, the pharisees accused Jesus of being born out of porneia (sexual immorality) rather than out of moicheia (adultery). In betrothal, they use the same words for man and wife, and even use the word divorce if they were to split, as when Joseph was considering to divorce marry when as yet they were unmarried. Therefore, lest there be confusion, Matthew wants to assure his writers that in the case of betrothal, if the one of the betrothed commits porneia (it can't be moicheia since they're unmarried) divorce is permissible.

[Faithful Kevin]

I had the same problem too, Tom.

I strictly believed it was a sin to every remarry, until I was shown the scripture that lets us know that we can remarry only if our spouse did something sexually immoral against us.

I was totally thrown off by this. I read that verse so many times and did not notice one word in spanish : "SALVO" which is a sophisticated way of saying except, which I did not know.

So yes. This is as detailed as it gets.

[nball0515]

in the case that you should not marry a person unequally yoked the believer is accountable. but for being divorced the unbeliever is not, just read first Corinthians 7:12-15. this tells very clearly, that the man or woman that is the believer will not be punished for being divorced by their unbelieving other half.

this brings another question to me though, in these verses, God also describes how the believing half makes the other half holy. this is done so that the child can be born clean and holy. so what happens to the child when the parents are divorced? can anyone shed some light on this?

[Faithful Kevin]

The verse that states the only reason one can remarry is if your spouse committed adultery is this:

[h=3]Matthew 19:9[/h]King James Version (KJV)

⁹And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

There is another verse that tells us you can remarry another woman (has to be a believer) if your spouse dies. But I forgot where that was. I think it's in one of Peter's books.

---------- Post added at 09:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:42 PM ----------

this brings another question to me though, in these verses, God also describes how the believing half makes the other half holy. this is done so that the child can be born clean and holy. so what happens to the child when the parents are divorced? can anyone shed some light on this?

Those verses weren't aimed at children at all, but to the unbelieving spouse. If you were married before converting to Christ, don't leave your wife just because she's an unbeliever, but stay with her because you might help her convert to Christ as well.

The children are considered holy when both are following Christ.

[Craigsnedeker]

But what about death? I'm of the belief that if your spouse passes away, it would be morally alright for someone to remarry... I would just like to hear what you think about that. :3

I agree

[Faithful Kevin]

I agree

I wonder if they came up with that because they thought it was moral or because it's what God approves.

[Ashley Montanae]

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

—Matthew 19:3-9

So, here's my question: Should Christians divorce regardless of sexual immorality, because God doesn't even want us to in the first place? Should we attempt to work it out or find a solution, because our we were only allowed divorce on the hardness of our hearts? (And he never meant it to be that way in the first place?)

Also, how many times CAN you re-marry? Six or seven times because all of the men in your life have cheated on you? What's the limit?

Also, and, I know it's been mentioned before, but, we have to remember the other side of right full divorce in the Bible:

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

-Corinthians 7:15

[nball0515]

I do see your point about your father being abusive. I have wondered that myself, i mean i believe that is as bad as adultery...But the Bible doesn't say anything about an abusive relationship as far as I know, so I'm not quite sure what would be appropriate to do in that situation.

As for your mother living the rest of her life alone, you seem to have forgotten one very important thing; as long as your mother have Jesus Christ in her heart, she will NEVER be alone.

[Faithful Kevin]

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

—Matthew 19:3-9

So, here's my question: Should Christians divorce regardless of sexual immorality, because God doesn't even want us to in the first place? Should we attempt to work it out or find a solution, because our we were only allowed divorce on the hardness of our hearts? (And he never meant it to be that way in the first place?)

Also, how many times CAN you re-marry? Six or seven times because all of the men in your life have cheated on you? What's the limit?

Also, and, I know it's been mentioned before, but, we have to remember the other side of right full divorce in the Bible:

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

-Corinthians 7:15

The bible is the light to our path. So we follow it.

To answer your questions, we're supposed to take sexual immorality seriously. If your spouse fornicated, you can divorce him if you wish. God doesn't wish for a marriage to end at all. God wants us to work things out, but if you must insist, you can divorce if there has been fornication involved (or adultery in this case).

How many times one CAN reamarry? There isn't a number, really.

If the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. Notice the subject.