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Living together before marriage.

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Guest JAG
Statistically, those who are Christians are more likely to get divorced than those who are atheists.

I already gave roughly 3 sources that disproved this.

Don't cohabitate, it's a trap!

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i think that although people may find excuses to support why they live with their partner, it is not Gods way. sure we do not judge the people who do, however it is not right. if you live with your partner, day in day out, unless you have the ultimate strength (which nobody has) you will be tempted to have sex. and when you do, some people may not feel bad, other people may feel guilty. when god tells us not to have sex, it is not because sex is a naughty thing or he wants us to miss out, but it is because when you first sleep with somebody, you give a part of your heart to them and therefore have a soul tie. jesus says "a man shall leave his father and his mother and become one with his wife" this is saying that when you get married, when you first sleep with that person, it not only pleases God, but you will feel better within yourself. if somebody does sleep with their boyfriend or fiance, they shouldnt feel bad about it because thats not the unforgivable sin, but choosing to go against gods will on purpose is like slapping god in the face and telling him that he doesnt kno what hes talking about. as you can tell i am against it, but i am against it as if you live with somebody, if you break up, you cant say to your husband who may have been waiting for the woman he is going to marry "ive only ever lived and shared my life with you" living together is a vow that you will make your house a home, for you and you husband. think about this..if you have already done everything with your husband before you mary him (have sex, move in, go on holiday etc.) then when you get married, it will not be an adventrue for you to embark upon together, it will simply be a ring on your ginger and a piece of paper that says your married. it takes the excitement away from waking up on yoru wedding day and thinking "wow, after today i will live with him, love him, and spend the rest of my life together" there will be nothing new, therefore it will not mean as much as God setsw it out to mean.

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Statistically, those who are Christians are more likely to get divorced than those who are atheists.

Well, in this case I believe that JAG has proven enough that this is not true. You better have some re-review about this thing.

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So, question time again.

What are your opinions of living together before marriage?

(please note, this includes trying to abstain from sex, and probably being engaged whilst doing so as well. Imaging the ideal situation. Not just boyfriend and girldriend).

So, basically, finding out if your relationship would work out if staying in the some house, invading each other's personal space etc. Leaving the toilet seat up or down ... :laugh:

Well I'm dropping in after 11 pages, so sorry bout that >.<

"The Convenience Factor" (yes, I'm naming it) is what justifies a lot of what we do. It's convenient to get a house or apartment right away together. It's convenient to just figure out the "minor" details like marriage and stuff later.

"The Practicality Factor" (another name! ha!) is another thing that justifies a lot of what we do. It seems practical to figure out what it's like to live with the person before dedicating our life to them.

If we are seeking God's will in marriage, we need to seek it with His eyes. He commands us to stay pure, and even with our best intentions it's not going to be easy--especially not when home alone together. If marriage is on the horizon for this theoretical circumstance, just wait a bit longer. There's more to decision-making than convenience.

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Well I'm dropping in after 11 pages, so sorry bout that >.<

"The Convenience Factor" (yes, I'm naming it) is what justifies a lot of what we do. It's convenient to get a house or apartment right away together. It's convenient to just figure out the "minor" details like marriage and stuff later.

"The Practicality Factor" (another name! ha!) is another thing that justifies a lot of what we do. It seems practical to figure out what it's like to live with the person before dedicating our life to them.

If we are seeking God's will in marriage, we need to seek it with His eyes. He commands us to stay pure, and even with our best intentions it's not going to be easy--especially not when home alone together. If marriage is on the horizon for this theoretical circumstance, just wait a bit longer. There's more to decision-making than convenience.

I agree 100%!

As followers of Christ we should see things through His eyes, do thing all to His glory, and make more of Him and less of us.

Our desires and our 'needs' are to be put down and let go.

Like I say, as humans we want what we want when we want it how we want it and we want to do what we want wherever we want to do it.

We are like little children in walmart screaming "I WANT (insert what you want or what you want to do) NOW!)

Imatturity is wanting something or to do something REALLY bad and not waiting for it, aka being impatient. Maturity is wanting something or to do something REALLY bad and waiting for it, aka being patient.

Living together before marriage is putting yourself right in the line of temptation. We are not strong enough to resist it. We are weak and are constantly giving in to temptation.

You don't need to live with someone else before you marry them you WANT to live with them before marriage because you are too impatient and immature to wait.

The saying that all good things come to those who wait, is very true.

If you 'need' to live with your partner before you marry them to find out more about them you are not communicating very well and probably should not be engaged or getting married.

If you want to live with your partner before marriage because you love them...I agrue that you don't really love that person.

I also agrue that you do not truly lobe your partner if you WANT to live with them before marriage.

Why you ask?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous, love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hope all things, endures all things.

Love is patient not impatient. If you truly loved your partner you would be willing to wait to live and have sex with them until after marriage.

Love does not seek its own, it does not do things merely because it wants to. If you truly loved your partner you would both be willing to put both of your wanting aside and be willing to be patient.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is to held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Living with your partner puts you in the position of the temptation of sleeping with one another. And yes it is still fornication even if you intend to marry that person or not.

Numbers 25:7-8

When Phinehas the son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron the priest, saw it, he arose from the midst of the congregation and took a spear in his hand, and he went after the man of Israel into the tent and pierced both of them through, the man of Israel and the woman, through the body. So the plague on the sons of Israel was checked.

Mark 7:21-23

For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murderer, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.

Fornication aka having sex with your partner or another person is not something that is highly looked upon. In fact in Deuteronomy if a couple did sleep with one another before marriage they were required by law to get married.

I'm not quite sure why we don't have this law...its a good one!

Okay that's it for now ;)

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I dont see a problem with living in the same house if they have seperate rooms and arent alone, say you have multiple room mates and your bf/gf happens to be one of them. Or perhaps they are staying with your family or vice versa. But if the two live together alone, why not get married? I am pretty sure a marrage certificit is no more difficult to get then a house. As far as test driving the car before you buy it, if you need to test wether your relationship will work in a new situation its not a relationship, its a circumstance. You dont test drive someone you love. Cause love isnt circumstancial. In my opinion that argument is kind of juvinile.

---------- Post added at 06:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:01 AM ----------

I agree with this for the most part. Although one could argue, and I am not saying I would do this but, but to my understanding orriginally a marraige ceramony was bassically just when the father sent his daughter to sleep with her new husband. Being that fathers no longer own their daughters like cattle, a girl chooses her husband and a couple might say that by living together and sleeping together they are married in Gods eyes. Also for some couples (example they are both Asexual or simply dont care much for sex) it may not even be a temptation. Of course I still wouldnt see why if you where living together you wouldnt simply marry. Unless you where in some situation where you lived together out of naccesity and had no choice but that is unlikely.

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I dont see a problem with living in the same house if they have seperate rooms and arent alone, say you have multiple room mates and your bf/gf happens to be one of them. Or perhaps they are staying with your family or vice versa. But if the two live together alone, why not get married? I am pretty sure a marrage certificit is no more difficult to get then a house. As far as test driving the car before you buy it, if you need to test wether your relationship will work in a new situation its not a relationship, its a circumstance. You dont test drive someone you love. Cause love isnt circumstancial. In my opinion that argument is kind of juvinile.

---------- Post added at 06:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:01 AM ----------

I agree with this for the most part. Although one could argue, and I am not saying I would do this but, but to my understanding orriginally a marraige ceramony was bassically just when the father sent his daughter to sleep with her new husband. Being that fathers no longer own their daughters like cattle, a girl chooses her husband and a couple might say that by living together and sleeping together they are married in Gods eyes. Also for some couples (example they are both Asexual or simply dont care much for sex) it may not even be a temptation. Of course I still wouldnt see why if you where living together you wouldnt simply marry. Unless you where in some situation where you lived together out of naccesity and had no choice but that is unlikely.

Fabulous points my friend!

I need not add to it!

STBI

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As I first wrote. Run! It's a trap! I mean, SCIENTIFICALLY it's the wrong choice. BIBLICALLY it's the wrong choice. What more do you need?

^JAG is completely right.

And out of all of the couples I've known, believe me, it works MUCH better if you do not live together first. Biblically it's wrong, we are not supposed to move towards temptation but to flee from it.

Also, when people live together without the intention of getting married but with the mindset of "testing it out", they usually do end up getting married, but they only get married because, by the time you're living together and sharing everything, it's much easier to stay together than not. It also makes any potential breakups MUCH harder than if you hadn't lived together.

If you truly love someone, you would go into marriage with the mindset of making it work. That's why arranged marriages worked for millenia (and still work today). When you go into something with the intention of working TOWARDS loving each other rather than with the intention of "testing each other out", things work much better. Love sees beyond little flaws and annoyances that might come up from living together, and can work through them.

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I already gave roughly 3 sources that disproved this.

Don't cohabitate, it's a trap!

Marriage itself is a trap.

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Sorry to reply to a comment that is 6 months old, but this is really, really jaded.

Even the most conservative of Christians should see that if you're going to have such a strong connection with another human being, then for god's sake -- and for God's sake -- test the waters first.

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Sorry to reply to a comment that is 6 months old, but this is really, really jaded.

Even the most conservative of Christians should see that if you're going to have such a strong connection with another human being, then for god's sake -- and for God's sake -- test the waters first.

It's not jaded, it's scientific evidence. The researchers who conducted those studies weren't going out with a "jaded" attitude thinking "Oh, living together before marriage will get you divorced." They were just thinking "Hey let's look at the effects of living together before marriage and marriage satisfaction." and this is what they found out.

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Well, in this case I believe that JAG has proven enough that this is not true. You better have some re-review about this thing.
JAG has not proved anything. He is merely playing a game of counting how many sources he can find to support his position. He does not understand methodology, and causation properly. If I were merely to count sources, I would empathically say that lesbian mothers are better for kids than different-sex parents.
It's not jaded, it's scientific evidence. The researchers who conducted those studies weren't going out with a "jaded" attitude thinking "Oh, living together before marriage will get you divorced." They were just thinking "Hey let's look at the effects of living together before marriage and marriage satisfaction." and this is what they found out.
I find it laughable that you believe you can neatly divide the complexity of human relationships into cohabitation/non-cohabitation.

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I'm going to bump this thread one more time. If you really care about abstaining from sex, its really not that hard. I was on a situation last summer where I ended up having to move out of my apartment and into my girlfriends forabout three Weeks. It want hard because sex before marriage just isn't an option for us. But if you are obsessive about abstinence then your obsessing about sex too.

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I find it laughable that you believe you can neatly divide the complexity of human relationships into cohabitation/non-cohabitation.

I wasn't dividing the complexity of human relationships? I was just saying that they studied this and found a trend that linked cohabitation and divorce/marriage dissatisfaction later in life. So scientifically, they've proved it has negative effects.

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I think it's fine, as long as there's no sex.

Imagine living with a person who you find drop dead gorgeous and you're madly in love with then add to the fact that you're pretty much always alone together -- like TOTAL privacy into the picture. You both have hormones, pheromones, and temptation working against your will to stay pure.

Let me know how the "no sex" thing works out, k?

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It's foolish to live with someone before marriage. First, for Christians it is wrong on account of sexual relations prior to marriage is sin, Christians are told to avoid the appearance of evil and let not their good be spoken of, and it is a very poor witness to the community. Now as to how it is foolish is that it is a relationship without true commitment. It's a very poor excuse to say that one must live together to "try" things out, because that's not love that's selfish. Love is committed to a person even beyond petty differences that most people argue over and works through things so if one actual had a proper view of a love relationship they would see how destructive and contrary to that is living with someone prior to marriage.

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Imagine living with a person who you find drop dead gorgeous and you're madly in love with then add to the fact that you're pretty much always alone together -- like TOTAL privacy into the picture. You both have hormones, pheromones, and temptation working against your will to stay pure.

Let me know how the "no sex" thing works out, k?

^Agreed.

Additionally, the Bible urges us to "flee temptation." Not shack up with it.

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."2 Timothy 2:22 ESV

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body."

1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV

"Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death."

James 1:13-15 ESV

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I wasn't dividing the complexity of human relationships? I was just saying that they studied this and found a trend that linked cohabitation and divorce/marriage dissatisfaction later in life. So scientifically, they've proved it has negative effects.

When I said it was jaded I meant that JAG had provided a very one-sided selection of sources, a lot of which is questionable from the outset. Wesker hit the nail on the head.

Also, the fact that living together may have some negative effects does not mean that living together should not be done.

I'm sorry, really, but I can't be in the minority to think that living together before marriage isn't a "scientifically" bad thing? I understand COMPLETELY that abstaining from living together could lead one into temptation, and it may be a good thing to avoid that. I understand that living together could, for some people, be prohibited by their interpretation of their Bible or such like. But please, I just cannot swallow that living together would be a bad thing when it comes to a relationship with each other.

I find that absolutely impossible to believe. Impossible.

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Joh it's been like FOREVER since I've commented anything on here, but anyways. Stuff has happened to me inbetween now and the time I posted this. And I can with certainty say I wouldn't live together before marriage. Lust is a very very very powerful thing and it tends to overcome common sense and judgment. Things you wouldn't normally do seem okay because hey, we're gonna get married right? wrong. You know what. You shouldn't be considering even marrying someone if you first want to live together to see "if it will work out." Heaven knows, one day I find THE ONE I want to marry, I do not want to have doubts like that.

But hey that's my personal opinion and I'm not judging other people who can actually stay together like that without doing anything. But I don't want that kind of temptation in my life.

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Even the most conservative of Christians should see that if you're going to have such a strong connection with another human being, then for god's sake -- and for God's sake -- test the waters first.

My goodness, I am so grateful that I didn't have to fear being on the chopping block of my husband the first year of our marriage, if I actually acted human and made mistakes. Living together is not the same as being married. It's a sad comparison. Rather, living together is for chickens hurt either by someone else's infidelity or their own lack of trust. It takes a real man and woman to own up to the marital covenant and stick things out.

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My goodness, I am so grateful that I didn't have to fear being on the chopping block of my husband the first year of our marriage, if I actually acted human and made mistakes. Living together is not the same as being married. It's a sad comparison. Rather, living together is for chickens hurt either by someone else's infidelity or their own lack of trust. It takes a real man and woman to own up to the marital covenant and stick things out.

You know fine well I didn't mean it like that.

Why is living together for chickens?

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