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Skywalker

Living together before marriage.

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Why is living together for chickens?

Alright, that wasn't the kindest response, so I extend my apologies if I've offended some. However, if the shoe fits--wear it I say.

Our recent trend towards "living together" is just that. Two people who choose to live together. This thin arrangement does not contain the foodstuffs of sacrifice. Consider it yourself. Would you rather live with someone who could bolt at any moment when the going got tough or someone who made a covenant in front of God and others to stay together in sickness and in health etc etc.

Most people I meet who "live together" have a myriad of fears of the other person using them, abandoning them, financially sucking them, falling out of physical attraction to them etc. In short, they don't trust the other person to take the virtuous route, hence, rather then risk being hurt or abused, they choose the more seemingly logical choice of co-habitation. Well, love is not logical generally, especially if you intend to sacrifice yourself for another.

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Our recent trend towards "living together" is just that. Two people who choose to live together. This thin arrangement does not contain the foodstuffs of sacrifice. Consider it yourself. Would you rather live with someone who could bolt at any moment when the going got tough or someone who made a covenant in front of God and others to stay together in sickness and in health etc etc.

Most people I meet who "live together" have a myriad of fears of the other person using them, abandoning them, financially sucking them, falling out of physical attraction to them etc. In short, they don't trust the other person to take the virtuous route, hence, rather then risk being hurt or abused, they choose the more seemingly logical choice of co-habitation. Well, love is not logical generally, especially if you intend to sacrifice yourself for another.

The problem is that people in a marriage actually can bolt at any time.

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Alright, that wasn't the kindest response, so I extend my apologies if I've offended some. However, if the shoe fits--wear it I say.

Our recent trend towards "living together" is just that. Two people who choose to live together. This thin arrangement does not contain the foodstuffs of sacrifice. Consider it yourself. Would you rather live with someone who could bolt at any moment when the going got tough or someone who made a covenant in front of God and others to stay together in sickness and in health etc etc.

Most people I meet who "live together" have a myriad of fears of the other person using them, abandoning them, financially sucking them, falling out of physical attraction to them etc. In short, they don't trust the other person to take the virtuous route, hence, rather then risk being hurt or abused, they choose the more seemingly logical choice of co-habitation. Well, love is not logical generally, especially if you intend to sacrifice yourself for another.

I believe that calling people who are living together and unmarried chickens is very disrespectful. For starters even vows before God does not guarantee someone will stay with you forever. This invalidates an argument that people together have a fear of abandonment by their partner while those that are married do not. On the contrary some relationships last years longer than a marriage. Believing that someone can't do everything out of love and have self-sacrifice for another unless they are married is undermining the ability of love and humanity.

Couples that live together unmarried may be doing so for any number of reasons such as: it not making sense to spend money on two apartments while waiting to get married, People being not allowed to get married for whatever reason, or people just not wanting to have their relationship institutionalized. All of these are not valid reasons to consider a couple doing wrong by living together unmarried.

That being said I believe it is fully dependent on the couple as to whether or not they should be married prior to moving in together. Just remember having the title of being married means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things when considering the relationship as a good thing or bad thing.

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Our recent trend towards "living together" is just that. Two people who choose to live together. This thin arrangement does not contain the foodstuffs of sacrifice. Consider it yourself. Would you rather live with someone who could bolt at any moment when the going got tough or someone who made a covenant in front of God and others to stay together in sickness and in health etc etc.

Most people I meet who "live together" have a myriad of fears of the other person using them, abandoning them, financially sucking them, falling out of physical attraction to them etc. In short, they don't trust the other person to take the virtuous route, hence, rather then risk being hurt or abused, they choose the more seemingly logical choice of co-habitation. Well, love is not logical generally, especially if you intend to sacrifice yourself for another.

Me and my girlfriend have lived together for over a year. I have been sure I will not bolt at any moment and am sure that she would not bolt at any moment. For the majority of this time we were both committed Christians. We didn't need the security of marriage to be sure that we would not leave each other. In fact, if the other person did decide to 'bolt' I'd be happier that I hadn't committed to marriage because that person chose to leave. If I wanted to leave my partner, it wouldn't matter if I was married or not. Much like Wesker says, marriage doesn't stop people leaving.

You're right, when we decided to live together there were fears of being used, etc. but we didn't need marriage to alleviate those fears, we built up trust with each other. If my partner did fall out of love with me, abandon me, etc. I'd rather they do it before we were married than after.

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Alright, that wasn't the kindest response, so I extend my apologies if I've offended some. However, if the shoe fits--wear it I say.

Our recent trend towards "living together" is just that. Two people who choose to live together. This thin arrangement does not contain the foodstuffs of sacrifice. Consider it yourself. Would you rather live with someone who could bolt at any moment when the going got tough or someone who made a covenant in front of God and others to stay together in sickness and in health etc etc.

Most people I meet who "live together" have a myriad of fears of the other person using them, abandoning them, financially sucking them, falling out of physical attraction to them etc. In short, they don't trust the other person to take the virtuous route, hence, rather then risk being hurt or abused, they choose the more seemingly logical choice of co-habitation. Well, love is not logical generally, especially if you intend to sacrifice yourself for another.

Because a covenant will keep someone from dashing out when the bills come in. Right. You act like none of this can happen in a marriage.

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The problem is that people in a marriage actually can bolt at any time.

Well you are certainly correct at least in the more recent era. The fact you listed it as a "problem" is most true.

---------- Post added at 09:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:57 PM ----------

Couples that live together unmarried may be doing so for any number of reasons such as: it not making sense to spend money on two apartments while waiting to get married, People being not allowed to get married for whatever reason, or people just not wanting to have their relationship institutionalized. All of these are not valid reasons to consider a couple doing wrong by living together unmarried.

The following examples have completely taken God of this entire Trinitarian relationship between the man, woman and our Creator which is called Marriage.

Marriage is tough work. It is not playin house. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see our human culture crumbling as a result of the breakdown of the family.

---------- Post added at 09:10 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:06 PM ----------

That being said I believe it is fully dependent on the couple as to whether or not they should be married prior to moving in together. Just remember having the title of being married means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things when considering the relationship as a good thing or bad thing.

So, I guess you're saying that it would've been fine if your parents just lived together while having you then?

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What are your opinions of living together before marriage?

It's wrong. Most people don't abstain. And the Bible says to stay away from every appearance of evil, which means stay away from temptation.

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I would consider moving in when engaged, but if you aren't engaged and you want to know what it's like to live with that person try a week-long vacation...

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Living together before marriage seems like a must for me. I would want to know what my partners living habits would be, and I'm sure my partner would want to know what mine are as well.

you could always just ask them o.o...

i think it's a no for me. my mom never did it, i'll never do it. to me, i've always been tempted sexually so i'd probably try to NOT do anything like that /: plus if i know they're the one, it doesn't really matter what their nightly habits/rituals are.

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So, question time again.

What are your opinions of living together before marriage?

(please note, this includes trying to abstain from sex, and probably being engaged whilst doing so as well. Imaging the ideal situation. Not just boyfriend and girldriend).

So, basically, finding out if your relationship would work out if staying in the some house, invading each other's personal space etc. Leaving the toilet seat up or down ... :laugh:

HI Skywalker:smile:

I wouldn't say that is it either totally right or totally wrong to live together before marriage, but I find it a bit naive in regards to temptation when your are both physically attracted to each other. There could easily be a break of boundaries, when you feel no one is watching you. How can you be sure that you won't cross the lines you've set? And are those lines closely defined?

Like, here the other day I was struggling with getting a contact lense out of my eye, and asked my roommate (student apartment) if he could help me take a look at it to see if it still was stuck there or if I'd gotten it out. Doing that, he came quite close next up to me to look at the eye, and seemed all of a sudden to be attracted to me, just by getting a bit more close. Haha, looking back at it I actually find it quite funny, thinking about how perplexed and funny his facial expression became as he seemed a bit taken back at this himself! Considering that such attraction can take place between friendly acquaintances, how do you expect boundaries to be held if you guys set of to live alone as a couple where most probably both of you feels physical attraction to one another, and would not just by coincidence be close up to one another, but actually will both be seeking and longing for some level of intimacy with eachother?

I'm not perfect in this matter and feel in no way entitled to give out rules in this. But I want to warn you from crossing the line by having sex before marriage, because sex is such an intimate act, with a lot of feelings and chemical reactions involved. You could end up feeling attached and bonded to a person who does not suit you in the long run. Why attain such a commitment by having sex when you are not fully aware if this is the person you want to share your life with in regards of personality, values, direction in life etc...? And if you are sure about sharing your life together, why not express it through marriage?

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It depends on the situation. I was in a situation at one point where I needed a place to stay so I stayed about a week with my boyfriend at the time. We stayed in seperate ends of the house and did nothing deemed as against the bible. So I'm okay with living together before marriage if it's a situation like that. If you wanna live together just because there's probably some things going on that shouldn't be...

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I think it is fine as long as there are limits on what can and what cannot be done. I also think it is a good idea because guess what? You can't see the whole picture of who someone actually is like until you get into that type of situation.

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I'm surprised no one questioned the reasonableness of even "falling in love." Ultimately it serves the purposes of physical pleasure, emotional security, and population growth. The first two are provided by God either in the disciplined absence of desire or in the willed strengthening of the mind (how loyal might we be if not distracted by a significant other?) and the last one is questionable in its ultimate worth. Although we are commanded to populate the Earth I don't think there's any parameters set on just how populated the Earth is supposed to be. It is also nowhere commanded that parents must have children of their own. It seems to me that a parent or parents should seek to adopt a child rather than have one of their own simply because there's more orphans then will ever be adopted. This might also assist with any surplus population problems.

If there's one thing that God must be said to be amazing for it is certainly the gift of love.

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I can totally understand why a couple would want to justify living together. What I've seen a few times, is a unsaved couple who were living together, and then got saved, got engaged, but didn't know what to do until then. One guy had his future mother-in-law move in with them and share the room with his fiancee. But I agree with Anna above, it really is a trap that is setting yourself up for temptations and failure.

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I personally think you should wait until marriage to live together. I feel like it'd be really hard to practice abstinence, and even if you were physically abstinent, you'd probably be having sinful thoughts. Also everyone would just assume that you were having "relations" even if that wasn't the case. If you truly love someone and plan on marrying them, you have the rest of your lives to live together and get physical.

Edited by HisHonesty

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