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Pixie-Dust

Yet another short lived relationship...

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It's to the point I feel like something is wrong with me. Tonight, my boyfriend broke up with me after 2 weeks of dating. I think what hurts the most is I was finally dating a good man, the type of guy I'd been looking for. A short lived relationship is typical for me. I've never dated someone more than a few weeks or a few months. It's wearing me out and bringing me down, I feel like a burn out.

I'm believing all the negativity in my head.

I'm not beautiful.

I'm worthless.

I'm unlovable.

I'll never be good enough for anyone.

I don't know what exactly I'm searching for by making this post. How can it be God's plan for me to have my heart broken over and over again? It seems silly, being as I'm only 20 years old, but I feel like I'll never find the perfect one.

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Sometimes it doesn't hurt to not look for a boyfriend, and just focus on making yourself a better person for your future boyfriend. I used to be so worried about finding someone to date, until I realized worrying about it doesn't do any good. If you give things some time and date only close friends, you probably won't have to look to hard to find the right man.

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First of all, nobody is perfect -- even your "perfect" man will have imperfections.

Second of all, I'm not sure what is happening in your relationships, but it sounds like you are struggling with self-esteem. Is it possible that you're letting your view of yourself negatively affect your relationships? One thing that drives my boyfriend CRAZY is when I put myself down, because he thinks I'm perfect. Believe me, when a guy starts dating you, he thinks you're awesome! When you put yourself down you only push guys away.

One thing that I have learned is that I can only have a healthy relationship when:

1) I am content with who I am (I'm not constantly putting myself down or feeling down on myself)

2) I am content with who he is (I am not pressuring him to change)

3) I am content in my relationship with God (I'm not trying to run from Him)

4) I am willing to compromise and work on my relationship, but not be a doormat

5) I am content whether or not I am in a relationship (I accept the fact that my boyfriend could choose to break up with me for any reason at any point in time)

These are the attitudes that are necessary, imo, for a relationship to "work." When one or more of these attitudes are missing, my relationship degrades until I correct them. Right now, you sound like you're struggling at least with #1 and #5. You might not be, but that's what it sounds like. Recognize this, and, while it is not always easy to completely get rid of harmful attitudes, realizing that you struggle with them and being willing to work on them is the first step. God will always help you if you ask.

One other miscellaneous thought on relationships in general:

Playing "games" does notttt work. Communication is absolutely necessary in a relationship and if you're saying things you don't mean, saying things you want him to "interpret," or expecting him to read your mind your guy will get frustrated really fast. Boys are straightforward. Tell them what you mean. I don't know if you do that, but I feel like every girl I talk to seems to say "I told him this, and why on EARTH didn't he get that I meant that?" when "this" and "that" are two totally different concepts. Please do avoid that.

I will be praying for you. Right now, if you are feeling unhappy that you aren't in a relationship, I think that's a sign that you should focus on being content with who you are WITHOUT a man so that you can be confident and caring WITH a man.

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