Negativity. Issues.

[samantha_c]

Some of you may remember, some may not. I've always had issues with my family. I'm really struggling right now. I used to be a very depressed, negative girl. Since I've started college, left home, and grown closer to God, I'm the total opposite-until I come home, that is. My younger brother's behavior is quite trying, I admit, and he really tests my parents' patience and nerves. It seems like there is always screaming, frustration, just so much negativity in this house, and it's killing me. Literally. I find myself so much more cheerful, joyous, social, just everything positive when I stay away. Which tears me up. I want to be a part of a family. I honestly feel like I don't have one. And in the few brief moments where we get along and we come together, I wouldn't trade mine for the world. But it hurts me so much more than it helps me. Especially my mother. Her negativity is really getting to me. She even admits that she takes everything out on me. Luckily, in 13 days I leave for summer missions, and I won't be around. When I go back to school, I'm going to come home less on the weekends. I feel closer to them the further I am. I just don't know how I feel or anything. It hurts because I want so badly to belong to a functioning family. To be a part of something. And I know while sometimes I may overreact, other distant family members see it, friends see it, it's not the "average" family. I have no real relationship, and it's killing me. I feel like I'm mentally, emotionally, and to an extent, spiritually scarred because of this. Any advice?

[tyajoy]

I know exactly how you feel. My family is the same way and I've found that as I get closer to God I feel so much happier and full of life, but then they always seem to bring me down.

One thing that I do is pray for them every night before bed and sometimes in the morning when I eat breakfast. I just ask God to speak into their lives and help give me patience and strength with them when they are really bringing me down. It really helps calm me and helps me focus on God and know that He is with me in this.

[samantha_c]

Thanks. I will start praying more often about it, and instead of just praying about them, I'm going to start praying for myself. I, myself, can't change how they treat me or make me feel, but I can change my response to it! Thanks for sharing how you deal with it!

[elyza]

Hey Samantha,

I know this kind of family scenario. What has helped me is limit the times I get home, now I go home roughly once a month (I don't live that far away from my family). Also I don't know if this is part of your problem but I've learned this: I am my parents' daughter and my siblings' sister and I'm going to stick with these roles because God assigned them to me and he does not intend for me to be a marriage counselor or confidant of my Mum or talk about my brother with my mum as though I was in a "higher" position than him etc.

God once told me that no matter how hopeless the situation looks, he will bring about His victory in my family. I cling to that.

Also pray through the wounds that you have from your upbringing/time at home and work them through one by one. And so important: Forgive. Even if no one apologized or asked you to forgive them, forgive everyone in your family whatever they have done to you or each other.

I also have a brother who's been a very problematic kid and God told me this: Love is the answer. Love him. His behavior and his relationship towards you will change the more effort you put into this. It worked for me

Also talk to someone close about these issues from home or go to some kind of counselling depending on how much your family upsets you. Talking it through and having someone who knows and prays about it does help a lot.

When you're with your family speak about your needs. Do not always just hide your real feelings or needs, even if your brother is difficult and may need special attention you and your feelings matter too. If you suppress them it only makes things worse in the long term cos you won't be able to do just that forever, at some point it will come out.

Dream of your own future family and learn from what is going wrong in your family atm. But don't just focus on the bad things, try to find things that you like about them and that have been great, I'm sure there are some of these as well!

Hope some of this is helpful!

[JKAY]

I moved away from my family when I was 18. Well, okay I live with my aunt and she counts as family, but we get along.

My mom drove/drives me nuts. My dad, well he's never home so we're good. My siblings I miss more than my parents. I'm second oldest and my older sister and I are bosom buddies<usingthatexpressioninasemi-srsway.

point being it's not strange to feel the way ya do. Stay away from what brings you down if you can. If they notice and take offense, you are not to blame. let them, and hope they get over it.