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IDLibrarian

Dating with Integrity

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So... I realize that John Holzmann's book is THE BOOK for Christian singles, but personally, I was appalled by it. The rudeness with which he proudly reported treating his future wife startled me, as did the way he advocated treating all members of the opposite gender. I'm fresh out of a traumatic break-up; I realize how painful and potentially harmful relationships can be. But I don't believe that the solution is refusing any commitment aside from marriage.

Does anyone have some input on this?

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I don't know what you mean by "commitment", and I have not read the book mentioned. But if by "commitment" you mean sex, or something to that degree, then I would agree with the author chap. Physical stuff only complicates a relationship and fills you with delusions about the relationship and that individual.

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What were some of the things that you found strange coming from this particular book?

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Once you learn to love God first, you must spend a good deal of time learning to love yourself in a holy way.

It is only at this point that you can love your neighbor as yourself. As with all things, God works with perfect order. Only fools skip to the last step first.

Oh, and many relationship best sellers are filled with hooey. Find a good, live mentor.

Ciao.

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I don't know what you mean by "commitment", and I have not read the book mentioned. But if by "commitment" you mean sex, or something to that degree, then I would agree with the author chap. Physical stuff only complicates a relationship and fills you with delusions about the relationship and that individual.

Umm... no. That is not even remotely what I meant. I meant that the author recommended no romantic relationships before marriage, just going on dates with whoever you wanted and eventually proposing to someone without warning.

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the author recommended no romantic relationships before marriage, just going on dates with whoever you wanted and eventually proposing to someone without warning.

...

:clap:

That's a lovely idea. I mean, you'll probably never get married, but sounds fun at least!

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What were some of the things that you found strange coming from this particular book?

Well, I'll use the author's behaviour as an example. He told the story of how, in college, he would lecture any young woman who he suspected of having a romantic attraction to him. He reported going on dates with lots of women, and gushing to one young lady's roomate about how he wouldn't be surprised if they got married. Three weeks after this incident, he asked his future wife (not the woman just mentioned), with whom he had had only a platonic friendship, to marry him. He recommended that all Christians follow this pattern of relationships... lots of dating, no romantic relationships, and marriage to a platonic friend. It surprised me because it seems to me that the formula advocated would only give Christian singles a green light to toy with one another's emotions.

---------- Post added at 07:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:08 AM ----------

...

:clap:

That's a lovely idea. I mean, you'll probably never get married, but sounds fun at least!

:D That made me laugh.

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Well, I'll use the author's behaviour as an example. He told the story of how, in college, he would lecture any young woman who he suspected of having a romantic attraction to him. He reported going on dates with lots of women, and gushing to one young lady's roomate about how he wouldn't be surprised if they got married. Three weeks after this incident, he asked his future wife (not the woman just mentioned), with whom he had had only a platonic friendship, to marry him. He recommended that all Christians follow this pattern of relationships... lots of dating, no romantic relationships, and marriage to a platonic friend. It surprised me because it seems to me that the formula advocated would only give Christian singles a green light to toy with one another's emotions.

Really, I think the problem with this isn't so much that it is a bad method in theory, but that it would rarely work in practice since the American mindset towards love and marriage is so completely different that finding someone willing to marry you that way could take decades. In a different cultural context, though, I think this would be a good idea.

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Really, I think the problem with this isn't so much that it is a bad method in theory, but that it would rarely work in practice since the American mindset towards love and marriage is so completely different that finding someone willing to marry you that way could take decades. In a different cultural context, though, I think this would be a good idea.

I'm not saying that it's a bad idea, just that it's a stupendously bad idea for our culture.

(By the way, is that Excalibur in your signature? Under the word 'this'?)

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I'm not saying that it's a bad idea, just that it's a stupendously bad idea for our culture.
Agreed.
(By the way, is that Excalibur in your signature? Under the word 'this'?)
No, no, it's the Master Sword. I ought to have Excalibur, though. I should add a Merlin‚Äč element to my sigpic.

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Well, I'll use the author's behaviour as an example. He told the story of how, in college, he would lecture any young woman who he suspected of having a romantic attraction to him.

On... what exactly? The joys of singleness? Romantic game theory? Jerk-ology?

Woops, tautologies.

He reported going on dates with lots of women, and gushing to one young lady's roomate about how he wouldn't be surprised if they got married. Three weeks after this incident, he asked his future wife (not the woman just mentioned), with whom he had had only a platonic friendship, to marry him.

Well, he sounds like an unreliable twit who didn't give a rip about the feelings of the women involved.

lots of dating, no romantic relationships, and marriage to a platonic friend.

How do you date unromantically? Is romance being reduced here to an ugly euphemism for sex? So are we supposed to marry an unsexy friend, or just one we haven't asked out to dinner too many times?

Of all the weird Christian dating-lite theories I've heard, this is the weirdest.

Edit: Bryce is telling me to say that this guy sounds sociopathic. Coming from him, he says, this means something.

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