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Love_of_Grace

Should my brother and his fiancee live together and should the church reject them?

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My brother is very devoted to this woman he's going to marry. Due to some abuse at her place (not physical...emotional and mental abuse where her mother would call her a 'lazy, fat cow' even though she works hard and is too skinny for her own good), she lives with my brother in the basement suite that my brother has been renovating. They are of age, and they started having safe sex after they were engaged to each other. They are both wonderful Christians. She was in the nursery to help take care of the kids (responsible and a joy to be around), and both of them were in the Worship group for Sunday service. My parents have been accepting of it, and they are Baptist Christians.

We all went to the same church. But, I recently found out that the church banned them from joining in the worship team, babysitting, or anything like that! They basically turned their backs on them, and now they're left looking for a new church. The two love each other a LOT, and they are devoted to each other. I guarantee you, knowing my brother, that the relationship isn't going to end until one of them DIES.

I used to go to the church, and I had some nice friends there with kids as well (I have a toddler son), but now I'm wondering if we should just look for a new church. I'm very hurt by what the church did, and frankly, the pastor has hurt me in the past when I was going through an identity crisis (I have borderline, and my gender at one point was in question in my mind so strongly, I finally called myself bigender, but not bisexual). He wanted me to change so I was perfectly a girl, even though that's NEVER been the case with me my whole life because of my mental disorder.

I just need someone to help me out with this. I'm torn, because I want to stay where there were some good friends, but at the same time, I want to stay loyal to my family and do what I feel is RIGHT. Is it possible to still have ties with those families outside the church without being awkward? Or, will it be too strange for me to go to another church while being on my brother's side when I want to still be friends? I'm a young mother (23 this year, married for three years) with a wonderful Christian husband, and he says that we should look for another church. HE feels that they're being too close-minded. We can't even find anywhere in the Bible that distinctly says not to live together before marriage. (Remember that the mother actually goes to that church too, and they probably wouldn't believe my brother if he told them what she says to his fiancee).

This is more of a rant to get the feeling out, but I am curious to hear what young people now-a-days are thinking. After all, there's different ways of being married all over the world. Heck, you can be common-law and not technically married in this country, and that's legal and legit. But, what do the rest of you think?

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My brother is very devoted to this woman he's going to marry. Due to some abuse at her place (not physical...emotional and mental abuse where her mother would call her a 'lazy, fat cow' even though she works hard and is too skinny for her own good), she lives with my brother in the basement suite that my brother has been renovating. They are of age, and they started having safe sex after they were engaged to each other. They are both wonderful Christians. She was in the nursery to help take care of the kids (responsible and a joy to be around), and both of them were in the Worship group for Sunday service. My parents have been accepting of it, and they are Baptist Christians.

We all went to the same church. But, I recently found out that the church banned them from joining in the worship team, babysitting, or anything like that! They basically turned their backs on them, and now they're left looking for a new church. The two love each other a LOT, and they are devoted to each other. I guarantee you, knowing my brother, that the relationship isn't going to end until one of them DIES.

I used to go to the church, and I had some nice friends there with kids as well (I have a toddler son), but now I'm wondering if we should just look for a new church. I'm very hurt by what the church did, and frankly, the pastor has hurt me in the past when I was going through an identity crisis (I have borderline, and my gender at one point was in question in my mind so strongly, I finally called myself bigender, but not bisexual). He wanted me to change so I was perfectly a girl, even though that's NEVER been the case with me my whole life because of my mental disorder.

I just need someone to help me out with this. I'm torn, because I want to stay where there were some good friends, but at the same time, I want to stay loyal to my family and do what I feel is RIGHT. Is it possible to still have ties with those families outside the church without being awkward? Or, will it be too strange for me to go to another church while being on my brother's side when I want to still be friends? I'm a young mother (23 this year, married for three years) with a wonderful Christian husband, and he says that we should look for another church. HE feels that they're being too close-minded. We can't even find anywhere in the Bible that distinctly says not to live together before marriage. (Remember that the mother actually goes to that church too, and they probably wouldn't believe my brother if he told them what she says to his fiancee).

This is more of a rant to get the feeling out, but I am curious to hear what young people now-a-days are thinking. After all, there's different ways of being married all over the world. Heck, you can be common-law and not technically married in this country, and that's legal and legit. But, what do the rest of you think?

I have two best friends who are engaged and live together under the girls parents roof because the guys family situation has never been ideal. He is a brother to me, I've help disciple him after a hard time in his life. So I really understand some of your situation, while I'm not sure about their sex life, it's not my place to say what they do. If they have prayed together and are engaged....it's tween them and God.

And on changing Churches? Pray. Grab your hubby and pray over whether God wants you to move or not. (I don't condone what this Church did to them, it sounds like they are not loving very well.)

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My husband strongly feels that we should change churches. He doesn't like the face that they were so hard on my brother and his fiancee. I don't even know if the church knows of their sex life (pretty sure they don't. They're quite private with it, and I only knew because my brother was trusting enough to share it with me). And, honestly, the people at church that I made friends with? I've hardly seen them in a while. I enjoy their company, but I haven't heard from them much in the last several months. So, perhaps, moving to a new church would be in order for me anyway.

Thanks for understanding. I know that it's better to wait for marriage to live together, but at the same time, this is their lives. It's up to them to do what they want. I mean, if they were doing something REALLY bad like hurting each other, I could understand the church getting involved. But, shouldn't we be more tolerant and loving? Jesus Christ was around tax collectors, prostitutes, and other unclean people all the time. He wanted them to see the love and light...not make them feel worse about what they did.

Thanks for the reply, TJB_GoingintoBattle. It helps. :)

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Gah! The whole "kick people out of church thing" bugs me to no end! Jesus loved the sinners. It's a huge pet-peeve of mine when churches act like that! :P

Back down to Earth: its gonna take a LOT of prayer on everyone's part as to what to do next. While I don't agree with them sleeping together before theyre married, that's between them and Jesus. I really honestly don't know what else to say besides PRAY!:)

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