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ChristianDrummer

Lust Problem Help Please

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Recently I have had lust thoughts that slowly lead to masturbating and I feel so guilty. I have a girlfriend and we have been dating for almost 8 months and we have talked about masturbating and she does not have any temptation to but I have a big temptation. When I was younger, I used to masturbate a lot and then I came to my home church for the first time and I decided to stop and I did. But suddenly I have had many thoughts of lust and it leads to me masturbating. I'm scared to talk about it with my girlfriend because it upsets her when I say I do. I'm nervous to talk about it with my father because it kinda upsets him because he knows that I know I shouldn't and he has promoted me to stop a lot especially when I was younger. I have only went to one of my youth leaders and told him and he gave me great advice but I somehow started again. I have repented and tried so hard to stop but somehow the thoughts of lust get to me some nights when I am lonely and it leads to masturbating with the help of pornography and pictures of topless/nude women. I really want to stop because every time I do masturbate I feel guilty, disgusted, and really bad. I'm asking for help because I really want to stop and its really getting to me. Please help and please don't judge or criticize, I just want help. :'(

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What is your thought-process when you begin to become sexually aroused to the point where you feel you need to release those libidinal energies through masturbation? I noticed you said that it happens when you are lonely. So, for example, I have a dark-side to my sexuality and a cuddly-relational side. Oftentimes when I am missing the girl I fell in love with (didn't work out), I feel a surge of libidinal energy. Is it the pornography which is generating the lust, or do you go to the pornography when you are already lusting?

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Recently I have had lust thoughts that slowly lead to masturbating and I feel so guilty. I have a girlfriend and we have been dating for almost 8 months and we have talked about masturbating and she does not have any temptation to but I have a big temptation. When I was younger, I used to masturbate a lot and then I came to my home church for the first time and I decided to stop and I did. But suddenly I have had many thoughts of lust and it leads to me masturbating. I'm scared to talk about it with my girlfriend because it upsets her when I say I do. I'm nervous to talk about it with my father because it kinda upsets him because he knows that I know I shouldn't and he has promoted me to stop a lot especially when I was younger. I have only went to one of my youth leaders and told him and he gave me great advice but I somehow started again. I have repented and tried so hard to stop but somehow the thoughts of lust get to me some nights when I am lonely and it leads to masturbating with the help of pornography and pictures of topless/nude women. I really want to stop because every time I do masturbate I feel guilty, disgusted, and really bad. I'm asking for help because I really want to stop and its really getting to me. Please help and please don't judge or criticize, I just want help. :'(

Even though it seems embarrassing, the best possible advice I can give you would be to talk to a good christian adult about this. Like a pastor, youth leader, or possibly your father. Sex and sexuality can be very confusing, especially when you are a young teen. On CTF you'll find opinions all over the spectrum regarding masturbation and also sexuality in general. Personally, I think the key here is to avoid the temptations of pornography and sex, while also understanding that your desire for sexual intimacy will probably never go away (and that's not a bad thing!). What I try to do is channel my sexuality away from worldly things like porn and casual sex and towards a desire for true sexual intimacy as God intended.

Hope this helps,

Shel-Yudah

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The One who most needs to be asked for help is God. He is the one who answers prayers. So, spend time praying to God, reading His word, and spending time with His people, and you'll typically find that in pursuing these good things, you desire the other less.

You seem to be taking good steps in telling people. Christian friends is a good step. Though, as was already said: father, pastor.

Lastly, avoid idle time. I don't know many people who spend Christmas day or the night before an exam looking up porn. Try to keep yourself occupied, even if just casually with a hobby - don't give yourself opportunity to make your mind wander where it ought not.

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Is it the pornography which is generating the lust, or do you go to the pornography when you are already lusting?

Irrelevant.

As mentioned before, the spectrum swings wide here on CTF from the mix of various religious beliefs and the denial some people face. As others have mentioned, keep yourself occupied. Don't get on the computer and casually check Facebook/Twitter until you bore yourself to death and have nothing else to do. Go to a common area in your house when you are bored and keep yourself focused. Take up a new TV show, video game, crank up positive music, make plans on the weekends, or exercise. One tactic I used was I realized it tended to happen when was exhausted. Usually sometime between 1 and 4 am. To fix this I started going to bed early - sometime around midnight - and waking up earlier to both guarantee that I am tired that night as well as have some focus time. I'm in college and so it may be different for you with high school or what not. You seem to be making some really good steps, you're fearless! Keep fighting man, I know it's rough.

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