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Online dating: Yay or nay?

Online Dating?  

33 members have voted

  1. 1. Online Dating?

    • Yay
      9
    • Nay
      16
    • Not sure
      8


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I voted not sure because I do have a profile on a few sites but I haven't paid a subscription fee yet. I know that there are some weird people out there, however my friend found her husband through a dating site and it has been a perfect thing for them. they actually have quite the God story about how they met and thought naw we are going to be too far away to make this work but then his job randomly transferred him a few days after parting ways to a branch a few hours from her so they gave it a shot and got married like a year later.

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I say nay, but mostly because that's not how I form dating relationships. I'm not a big casual dater either. I like to be friends before we're anything else. And yes, I avoid the friend zone like its the plague.

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I voted nay, because I don't  believe in dating in general. But if a relationship starts online as friends, and then becomes more, I don't think that's wrong. I met my guy online, but it was purely a Christian friend thing. God happened to direct it into a direction farther than just friendship.

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Guest JAG

I have friends who are on various dating apps like tinder and plenty of fish.  I'd say no.  The internet has retarded our ability to be confident in social settings and its crippling our relationships.

 

With that said, people have had great success with online dating.

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The internet is a fine medium for communicating that you'll be at the coffee shop at 6.

Edited by Yves

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It would be acceptable to add "on certain occasions yes, but no" to the poll, as although it doesn't work for everyone, some people have had great success with it.

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I've used it solely because I don't really like the guys at my school. I think it's a great way to meet new people as long as you are smart about it, use caution, and actually let your family know about it. I've known several friends to find relationships through Hot or Not/Tinder. There are a lot of good people on those apps, you just have to filter out the bad ones. 

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My problem with online dating is that you basically shop with someone who will conform to your ego-demands, instead of taking you out of your own ego by the sheer beauty of their alterity.

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I say nay, but mostly because that's not how I form dating relationships. I'm not a big casual dater either. I like to be friends before we're anything else. And yes, I avoid the friend zone like its the plague.

This is perfect.

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My problem with online dating is that you basically shop with someone who will conform to your ego-demands, instead of taking you out of your own ego by the sheer beauty of their alterity.

 

This is perfect.

 

Oh ...

 

This is perfect-est. 

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This is perfect.

 

Oh ...

 

This is perfect-est. 

 

I cannot lay claim to it. It is a part of a theory of love as a two-scene found in In Praise of Love by the Communist philosopher Alain Badiou. Little do people realize that Communists are generally romantics. 

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My problem with online dating is that you basically shop with someone who will conform to your ego-demands, instead of taking you out of your own ego by the sheer beauty of their alterity.

Ok John, I'll admit it: I have no idea what this means. Mind dumbing it down for the plebeians?

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Ok John, I'll admit it: I have no idea what this means. Mind dumbing it down for the plebeians?

i kind of get it, but not all the way, and explanation would be helpful 

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Ok John, I'll admit it: I have no idea what this means. Mind dumbing it down for the plebeians?

i kind of get it, but not all the way, and explanation would be helpful 

 

What I mean is that online dating is something akin to a shopping experience. You commodify the qualities of the other person, and pick the person who has the quality we say we want most in a partner. It is a very safe position to take from the perspective of the ego. We do not have to go outside ourselves at all. We do not have to come in contact with anything that fractures us. Contrast this with what often happens in real life. When you meet a person in a cafe or a club, you are often spellbound by the sheer otherness of the person. There is some quality that attracts you and then the alterity of their otherness drags you in new directions. 

 

Let me give you an example from my personal life. This girl that I am still suffering heartbreak over was somebody I would never have imagined I would have fallen for. She is Chinese and to be perfectly honest, I was never very attracted to Asian girls before her. She thinks completely differently than me; whereas I am an intellectual philosopher, she is a pragmatic financier. Whereas she is a capitalist, I am a Communist. Instead of merely shopping for somebody that is identical with myself and does not take me beyond my own egoism, meeting a person through fate/happenstance injects difference into my relationship, and leads me out of myself, so that I am no longer one, but two.

 

P.S. As it turns out, I have deep, philosophical justifications for almost all of my beliefs. Now that she is gone, I have kind of lost myself in abstract philosophy.

Edited by Wesker

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 We do not have to come in contact with anything that fractures us. Contrast this with what often happens in real life.

 

 

Maybe it's for lack of experience, but I feel like the idea that the internet can screen out all alterity is giving the medium too much credit. No real person is actually so accommodating to one's "ego demands," and any good dating site is eventually going to lead to people meeting "in real life."

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Maybe it's for lack of experience, but I feel like the idea that the internet can screen out all alterity is giving the medium too much credit. No real person is actually so accommodating to one's "ego demands," and any good dating site is eventually going to lead to people meeting "in real life."

This is why I believe it CAN work. Thanks yves :P

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I haven't entirely made up my mind on this. My oldest sister did it and had a really bad experience. She dated the guy for two or three years and he ended up having an entirely secret life of cheating that not even his parents suspected. I'm not saying all people who internet date are destined to be bad, but it's really hard to know a person fully just from chatting via the internet. I'd honestly be much more comfortable meeting someone in real life so I can read their body language and listen to their tone of voice to see if they're just playing me or not. It's easy for some people to almost be an entirely different person over the internet and get away with it as there's no accountability, no tone of voice, no fear of lying, and no fear of your body language telling you that your words are lies.

 

With that being said, I'm also not totally against it either because there are some genuine, non creepy people on the internet as well. It's hard to find them, and it's hard to truly know if they're genuine, but I know they're out there. The internet can be a medium for shy people to communicate and find a partner who wouldn't be as willing in person. But I don't know...there seems to be more bad than good that can come from it.

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Maybe it's for lack of experience, but I feel like the idea that the internet can screen out all alterity is giving the medium too much credit. No real person is actually so accommodating to one's "ego demands," and any good dating site is eventually going to lead to people meeting "in real life."

 

The goal of online dating is to meet in real life, but there is an ego-filter in between. Obviously the ego-filter cannot remove all alterity. Yet, this is an argument from direction or gradation rather than absolutes. Georg Simmel's idea, that the prevalence of money pushes towards commodification and quantification in society, has been famously criticized by Viviana Zelizer for not actually being true; we still qualify money. I find such an argument by Zelizer naive, in that merely because money has not fully quantified society, does not mean its quantifying effects are less real or less deleterious. Likewise, merely because online dating does not maintain a perfect ego-filter that blocks out alterity, does not mean it is not the expression of a consumerist culture in which love further and further becomes a commodity.

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Nay. Because people act different online. They could say things about them,but in ral life they're the complete opposite. Wait for the rightperson

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Nay. Because people act different online. They could say things about them,but in ral life they're the complete opposite. Wait for the rightperson

What if God makes you meet the right person online?

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What if God makes you meet the right person online?

 

Nay. Because people act different online. They could say things about them,but in ral life they're the complete opposite. Wait for the rightperson

Crosses is actually very correct Bryce. This is coming from someone who used to consider Online Dating very serious. They act different, and not only that there is so many pervs on the online who are saying they are good people, but are waiting for that chance to meet you and kidnap you. Online dating isn't exactly safe...

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Crosses is actually very correct Bryce. This is coming from someone who used to consider Online Dating very serious. They act different, and not only that there is so many pervs on the online who are saying they are good people, but are waiting for that chance to meet you and kidnap you. Online dating isn't exactly safe...

It's not good if you don't plan on meeting or at least video chat.

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