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So for years you have known me as WiccanCrow. And it is true that I claimed to be wiccan and argued it and used it as a base for more neutral grounds. You also may know that I was once Christian. Raised Lutheran by one set of grandparents, Methodist by another set, and who knows what by my step mother. My mother wanted us as children to come to our own conclusion at what religion we chose to follow, but the grandparents and step mother had a bit of an impact on my life. When I was young, about 9 or 10, as the story goes i started reading science books and decided god wasn't real. a year later i started reading all the books in my mother's library about paganism (she is a druid high priestess after all). I for four years, the entirety of junior high school. learning about magic, pendulums, auras, and tarot. conducted meditations, spells, made potions and went to my mother's rituals. by the time high school came around everyone knew i practiced witchcraft. some even feared me for my "powers". people even tried to convert me and exercise demons from me. also around this time i joined CTF to pick fights and what not. to be honest i was a bit of an *censored*. but i grew up and realized yall are goovy and what not. so i went on, building and burning bridges. doing magic, learning to communicate with stones. fornicating with a certain hot pagan man way to old for me. then i graduated and here i am today. but recently i have spent a lot of time alone. just sitting in the house with nothing but the internet (which can get painfully dull) and the animals. i haven't even seen any of my friends this year. but  all  that alone time has given me time to think. given me time to ponder. and then i remembered why i became pagan. i wanted to make my mom love me. i thought she hated having a christian child. she hated growing up with religion forced on her, she didn't want the same to happen to her kids, but she didn't want a child that gave into church. so i had made the decision  to change for  her. i realized this as i slowly realized more. there is a reason i have a bible. there is a reason i enjoy going to a church, even if it is a Unitarian Universalist church. there is a reason i love arguing about the bible so much. There is a reason I know the words to Jesus Messiah by Chris Tomlin. Being pagan was just a disguise. one that i incorporated into ever single individual facet of my life lying to myself, being someone that i'm not.

 

The point i am trying to reach. The thing i have been avoiding literally half of my life. this is so hard to type, i am crying. 

 

 

 

I. Am. Christian. I love Jesus. He is my Lord and Savior. And I love him. And I know he loves me. And I am sorry. I am  sorry for everything I have done. Everything I have said. 

 

 

And I feel lost and afraid. My mother would freak  if she found out. My girl friend rolls her eyes at the Bible calling it "The book of evil" and i just dont know what to do. i have spent years lying to everyone, myself included. believing my own lies. it has cost me entire friendships. my virginity. everything.

 

so yeah. that's me. can i get a new username now?

Edited by WiccanCrow

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"He loves, He hopes, He waits. Our Lord prefers to wait Himself for the sinner for years rather than keep us waiting an instant." - St. Maria Goretti 

 

Welcome home, brother. 

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Um, I would hate to butt in to private buisness, but if your girlfriend calls The Holy Bible, your new Holy Book, "The book of evil", it may be time to cut it off. And it's your choice, don't worry about whether or not your mother would like it.

Now that that's out of the way, congratulations for truly finding our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

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Wow, this is a solid reflection. Thanks for being honest and taking the time to share all of this because it's just not easy to do so. It surely must have taken a ridiculous amount of strength and humulity. So, I'm happy for you to have gotten this far :razz:.

 

You've done about 90% of the reflection on your own, which is really great all things considered. I'd like to encourage you to dig a bit deeper, though. If you get the chance, it would be good to think about why you turned to paganism in the first place. What made you feel like you had to disguise yourself? You need to answer the underlying questions which will help you comprehend why all of this happened in the first place. It'll also help you get a much better understanding of who you are in the process. Do you follow me here?

 

I'll give you some ideas. You say "i have spent years lying to everyone, myself included. believing my own lies." Why did you feel you had to lie to yourself? What were you hiding? How did you feel when you were lying? I want you to think deeply about this so that you will be better prepared the next time a similar situation comes up. You don't need to post your thoughts here because this is very personal.

 

I'll end my post by saying that Jesus loves you no matter what you did and that I feel the same way. ^_^

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Note: This does not mean my personality has changed. 

What ever would we do without you?

 

I'm happy for ya, Tyler. Welcome back.

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And you, my friend, have come to know the meaning of the Prodigal Son better than I ever could. Welcome, brother. If you ever want to talk, remember I'm here.

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Welcome home to Christianity my friend. I also came back to the faith on these forums. My experience was kind of the reverse. I rebelled against everything in Christianity that I felt was warped an twisted — a vulgar form of Christendom. I became an atheist and a Satanist. I tried to pretend for so long that I could be an egoist. That I could adopt this cool *expletive* them all attitude. I became connected with pornography and I tried to adopt a view on women that was chauvinistic. Yet, I was only pretending. I was an altruist at heart. No matter how hard I would try to internalize, "Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!," I could not stop myself from wanting to help those who have nothing to earn it. 

 

If you ever want to chat about the experience of coming back, I am more than willing to.

 

God bless, mate.

 

Um, I would hate to butt in to private buisness, but if your girlfriend calls The Holy Bible, your new Holy Book, "The book of evil", it may be time to cut it off.

 

Do not push him to do anything he does not want to do. Give the girl the benefit of the doubt that she does not know his true feelings, and does not know it will offend him. 

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Do not push him to do anything he does not want to do. Give the girl the benefit of the doubt that she does not know his true feelings, and does not know it will offend him.

Yeah, I thought of that. Which is why I used "May be" instead of "it is. " I guessed that maybe she didn't know it would offend him, or that they may be able to talk about it.

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Wow! Much happy. Very welcome. Such love.

 

(If you ever want to talk, I'm here).  :hug:

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i'm working on it

 

I think you should ask Cary before creating a new account, since I believe that is against the forum rules.

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I'm literally tearing up, and I'm not an emotional person. THIS is what I call a "Hallelujah!" moment. God bless you  :clap:  :hug:

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