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ISIS continues to increase the severity of terroristic crimes

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Today, a senior ISIS Public Retaliations Officer and the organisation’s Chief Torturer Abu-Hassan bin-harem announced that a new kind of warfare may soon be on our hands. “We have recently obtained a new type of weapon. Our Long-Acoustic Range Device (LARD) is capable of damage beyond anyone’s wildest imagination.” It has been confirmed that the militant group is referring to Nickelback’s new song titled Edge of a Revolution; a song so awful that it is crippling and at times even lethal.

A study conducted by Dr. Nell Anvoid of the University of Mississippi has shown that exposure to the song directly causes ear-bleeds, vomiting, and diarrhea as well as seizures within the first ten seconds of the song. Only animal testing has been conducted thus far, although there are no subjects surviving the entirety of the song.

Edit: link removed because it has a curse word

Edited by afriendlyatheist

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