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JoyfulFleur

How to forgive someone?

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I have been struggling to forgive someone. :(  This person is so two-faced, that whenever I see them, I am constantly reminded of how they have treated me in the past. It repulses me. Trying to forgive them like Jesus forgave us is a struggle. I truly want to forgive this person, but each time I think I have forgiven them, I find myself slipping into a moment of anger and hurt. It's almost tormenting because I honestly don't want to be this way. It's not right. It's sinful. Also because of this, I have caught myself being jealousy over certain things as well - which just adds to the struggle .

 

So my question is: When you have to forgive someone, what do you do? How do you get over it? I need advice. 

Edited by JoyfulFleur

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Honestly, distance and space might help. If the person is toxic to you, it might be good to try to avoid them and not interact for a while. This will give your perspective and allow you to move past whatever it is the other person did to hurt you.

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I had this same problem for a very long time. My ex-best friend was very hard to even think about without getting so mad.

 

#1: Time does truly heal wounds. As zabby noted, space would be recommended. Try to avoid any conversation or thought of the person.

#2: If there was any GOOD things about the relationship, try to remind yourself of those instead of the bad things.

#3: I found this to be helpful to me. Although it appears people always get away with doing horrible things, remember that God works in mysterious ways. One day God will give them their punishments if they aren't sorry for their sins, whether it be tasting the same medicine or being alone, God will give due justice as needed.

 

Hope this helps.

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Guest JAG

The first thing I'd do is go to them and try to reconcile.  Offer to buy them lunch, tell them all your grievances, and try to settle things.  Avoiding is the wrong answer, biblically, if you haven't at least told them what you're angry about.

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The first thing I'd do is go to them and try to reconcile.  Offer to buy them lunch, tell them all your grievances, and try to settle things.  Avoiding is the wrong answer, biblically, if you haven't at least told them what you're angry about.

 

This. 

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Honestly just pray to be loving man, it can be hard, but love overcomes all. Your love is a powerful force, that could help them

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Honestly, distance and space might help. If the person is toxic to you, it might be good to try to avoid them and not interact for a while. This will give your perspective and allow you to move past whatever it is the other person did to hurt you.

Thank you, Zabby. I don't see this person on a daily basis anymore, which is good, but the little I do still see of them reminds me of what they did. So there is a bit of distance between us but probably not enough. I have been trying to avoid them(not in a mean way), but we still have run-ins and have to interact sometimes. :/ That's why I feel like I am struggling to forgive. I can't just easily walk away, I still have to face this person.

 

I had this same problem for a very long time. My ex-best friend was very hard to even think about without getting so mad.

 

#1: Time does truly heal wounds. As zabby noted, space would be recommended. Try to avoid any conversation or thought of the person.

#2: If there was any GOOD things about the relationship, try to remind yourself of those instead of the bad things.

#3: I found this to be helpful to me. Although it appears people always get away with doing horrible things, remember that God works in mysterious ways. One day God will give them their punishments if they aren't sorry for their sins, whether it be tasting the same medicine or being alone, God will give due justice as needed.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Thank you, this was very helpful advice. I guess I do need more time for this to heal. It's just, I don't like living with the fact I haven't forgiven them yet. It seems hopeless and I am worried God won't forgive me if I can't forgive them.  :sad:

The first thing I'd do is go to them and try to reconcile.  Offer to buy them lunch, tell them all your grievances, and try to settle things.  Avoiding is the wrong answer, biblically, if you haven't at least told them what you're angry about.

This person knows. This person just doesn't care. I think that's what makes it even harder for me to forgive them is because of their lack of remorse. Even though we both know the impact of their actions, would you still recommend settling things? I am willing to mend this, even if what needs to be done is not going to be easy. Thanks for the advice! I appreciate it a lot.

 

 

Honestly just pray to be loving man, it can be hard, but love overcomes all. Your love is a powerful force, that could help them

Thank you for the advice! I know and I am praying for that. It's very hard and I have never had troubles forgiving someone before! 

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Guest JAG
This person knows. This person just doesn't care. I think that's what makes it even harder for me to forgive them is because of their lack of remorse. Even though we both know the impact of their actions, would you still recommend settling things? I am willing to mend this, even if what needs to be done is not going to be easy. Thanks for the advice! I appreciate it a lot.

 

 

Just don't make the assumption that they know and don't care.  If you haven't literally said, "Sam, what you did to me really hurt my feelings" or "I feel so betrayed by you" then I wouldn't be certain that they know.

 

If you did have that conversation and their reply was, "I don't care."  Then the next thing to do would be to find a new friend.

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Just don't make the assumption that they know and don't care.  If you haven't literally said, "Sam, what you did to me really hurt my feelings" or "I feel so betrayed by you" then I wouldn't be certain that they know.

 

If you did have that conversation and their reply was, "I don't care."  Then the next thing to do would be to find a new friend.

I understand and I would not make a false accusation like that. They actually said they didn't care, so that's another reason as to why this is as difficult as it is. However, I've decided to fast/spend time in prayer and it seems to be helping a bit. 

 

Depending on the details of the relationship and the damage to it, there may simply not be an easy answer.

Something to read is C.S. Lewis "On Forgiveness". It's a good start.

Thank you, I am going to look into that most definitely. Haven't actually read a book by C.S. Lewis, but I hear he writes some great books!

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