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Women: How do you deal with feeling ugly or not good enough?

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Is it wrong to feel ugly? I'm 13,but i feel ugly and not good enough. I don't care what Hollywood says what beauty is. Is it wrong to ask God to make you pretty or change you? I hate the way i look. I hate having short legs,and being short in general (5'1). While girls my age are gettin taller 5'3-5'10,im barely growing each year. I dont think i've grown at all this year height wise. My mom thinks im overreacting and need to get over myself. I know it sounds stupid,but it bothers me a lot when you come from a family ranging from 5'6-6'4. Everyone keeps saying "Oh you're not that tall" or "You where tall when you where younger.What happend?". My dream height would be 5'10. Being tall is one of my life long dreams. If i have to go as far as surgery (yes they have surgery for that. Its a leg lengthening where they cut the bone and insert rods and as the bone heals,it makes more bone,hence,making you taller and have long legs.) through all the extreme pain and cost a lot of money. I may consider saving up. What should i do to feel happy again. I cant even be around girls my age that are taller,because it makes me feel bad. I cant go to the mall without seeing girls my age who are taller. I cant get over it. I cry myself to sleep over it and im embarrassed to tell my mom again because it hurts to talk to her cause she'll just say get over it.

And if this ends up in the wrong catagory or wrong tags,sorry....this is my very first forum post online. So idk what im doing :/

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First off, welcome to the forum! You're in the right place. You got it right don't worry. XD

 

Everyone has something that they feel insecure about. Height, weight, sub-par social skills, how one eye goes all off to the side funny (*raises hand*) any number of things. You are not alone in feeling "less than" but know that it is not reality. You are you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and physical appearance is only a very small facet of the you that you are. I wouldn't say that it's wrong to dislike your appearance but honestly? It's not really helpful. It's just one more thing thats gonna stop you from being the best you.

 

The best thing I've found is to focus on your good spots and to actively work on bettering things that matter. I've got funny eyes that never seem to sit straight in my head, but I'm also smart, I care about my friends, I'm witty and I chase my dreams passionately. In that light, weird eyes don't seem to matter so much. I don't pray for God to change my physical apperence but rather to shape my heart and my being. To change my eyes so that they look at the important things... even if they don't sit straight.

 

You're very young. Even if you did do this surgery (which in my opinion sounds super painful and potentially debilitating in itself) theres no way any doctor is gonna do that until you stop growing anyway so for now focus on bettering your heart and who you are. Practice gratefulness and remember you are beautifully and wonderfully made. :)

 

Hope this helps. I'd be happy to talk more if you like. ^_^

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Dude, thirteen is the start of puberty for many, MANY girls, if people in your family range as high as they say you do, then you'll get up there. It may take a few years, but, you really have nothing to worry about right now. Nothing you can do will make you grow faster at this point besides the proverbial "eat right and get lots of sleep."

and don't do the surgery. That could potentially screw up your body and put you in a wheelchair. It's too extreme, just don't.
However, high heeled shoes are available at your discretion. Best case scenario, you've got the long legs you wanted but you still have to re-learn how to walk and you will have some NASTY scars.

As for me, I've battled this feeling since I was about 8. I've ALWAYS been on the heavier side, ranging from "thick" to "fat" but never the ever-so-desireable-size-4. Top that off with veiny white skin, horrible vision (I know your feel Marley, one of my eyes is visibly smaller than the other and I have double vision. No contacts for me ever.) and wild curls with a mind of their own in a straight haired, tiny waisted world and... Yeah. I get it, I feel you. We don't fit the "norm", you're on the travel-sized side, which is SUPER adorable, mind you. Small people can hide easier, not hit their head on things and can ask cute guys to reach things that they can't. It has it's advantages, even if lacks the aesthetic you want. I'm the opposite, I'm tall and kind of wide and tend to have that "bull in a china shop" thing going on in the upper body department.

However, I said battled. I'm pretty much over it by now. I have my bad days, but, it's not a recurring thing. I realized that in order to be a size 4... well.. that wouldn't happen. My bones and leg muscles are waaay too big for that. Based on my body type, the smallest I could be , if I lost most of my fat, is like... an 8. Gave up on that twiggy dream! Instead, I shifted my focus towards being healthy. My body may not be in the "in" shape, but I'm gonna get it IN shape as best as I can and take care of what's been given to me. I'm thankful I have a body, so I can experience life! A body with flaws is better than nothing at all.

As you get older, you learn to work with what you have and use it to God's glory, as the genius above suggested. Take your focus off of your percieved flaws and focus on other things. Help others, join a sports league (fun fact, short people make good basketball players because they can dive under the tall people's legs. Think about it...), volunteer, do stuff you like to do, figure out who you ARE and disregard what you look like. Stop comparing yourself to your classmates. Everyone has different genetics, everyone will grow at a different pace.

  I'm going to say it again:  as you get older, you're going to grow. It WILL happen. If you're around the 100lb mark, puberty has begun and you will grow. My sister was short and tiny for YEARS before finally starting to sprout about 6 months ago. Little brat( and I mean that affectionately. XD) is almost 5'6 now.

Perk up kid, it's all going to be okay. <3
 

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Well,i hit puberty early. I hit that at 8-9 years old. I've read online that if you hit puberty early,you're more likely to be short cause the growth plates fuse earlier. I have no faith that i'll get any taller. The latest age a girl stops growing is 18. So from now and 18,i'll have to grow 9 more inches to be 5'10. Like i said in my first post,i haven't grown at all this year.

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We live in an aesthetic-obsessed world. Insecurities about the way we look - we've all got them. I used to absolutely loathe my small chest. That's the same as your height - the only way I'm going to change that is via surgery (or if I get super fat). I used to be so insecure about the whole thing (amongst other things about my appearance). And you know what? I grew into my own. I left school and got to university and it suddenly stopped bothering me. I learnt to appreciate my appearance, learnt to acknowledge and admire beautiful things whilst remembering that beauty is fleeting. 

 

It's Christmas Eve tonight, and tomorrow we celebrate the birth of our Saviour, who was born in a lowly cattle shed to a virgin and her betrothed. Jesus came into this world in no extraordinary way; it was what He did whilst here that is extraordinary. He is never described in the Gospels as being chiselled and rugged and handsome. But, He is described as being good, true, just, kind, merciful, honest, patient - loving. It was that love He had that led Him to lead a life that two-thousand years later, we're still talking about. It was Christ's love that led Him to the cross, where He bore the weight of our sin because He loved us, in spite of our insecurities and imperfections. Surround yourself with people who value you for who you are, not what you are, who remind you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, for the glory of the King. 

 

You might never reach 5'10. My boobs never got any bigger, but I can tell you, life's swell. Those insecurities fade; you learn to stop noticing them quite so much, and to become comfortable with who you are. As Ashley said, as Christians, we learn to see the things that matter. 

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I have another question. If God knows everything past,present,and future...then why did he make somebody ugly or have a "not really good looking" body? Like if he knew that Jonny over there has the worlds biggest nose and a mole that everybody stares at forever and ever and he's uncomfortable about it,then why did God put it there if he knew he was not going to be happy?

Why do people say "Everybody is uniquely made and is beautiful",when they themselves look in the mirror and think theyreugly or they could change?

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mabye you look in the mirror and see yourself as ugly but when other people look at you they see the beauty.. as humans, we tend to focus more on our imperfections, its normal.. We are always going to want to change something about ourselves.. Im tiny, but i look in the mirror and see someone thats fat, its not true but thats what i see. Its one of those challenges God has put in my life that i need to deal with and as time goes on i will.. You are only 13, something that seems like such a bug deal now, might not be in the future.. im short, i hated it before, but now i like it!

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I know it sounds stupid and that's probably why my mom thinks i need to get over myself,but it's annoying when EVERYONE else in your family thats older or just a year older are taller. Most family members range from 5'6 to 6'3 and 4! My grandma/pa are tall. My great grandparents are tall,Great Aunts and Uncles. My uncles are tall. Their children are tall. I dont know much about my fathers side since my mom and dad got into fight and he left before i was born. So i dont know his side,but even then my mom has said that my fathers mother and father (grandparents) are tall. It's annoying when everybody in the family (cousins,aunts,and uncles) always tell you you're the short one or you'll never be 5'10 or a model. I've thought about asking my mom to take me to a growth doctor (idk the medical term for a doctor thats a specialist in that area) and seeing if im on track,or take X-rays of my growth plates to see if i have any growth left in me. I probably got the unluckiest genes for height.

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I have another question. If God knows everything past,present,and future...then why did he make somebody ugly or have a "not really good looking" body? Like if he knew that Jonny over there has the worlds biggest nose and a mole that everybody stares at forever and ever and he's uncomfortable about it,then why did God put it there if he knew he was not going to be happy?

Why do people say "Everybody is uniquely made and is beautiful",when they themselves look in the mirror and think theyreugly or they could change?

Because "God does not look at the things man looks at, Man looks at the appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1Samuel 16:7. I understand it's out of context, but... it still rings true. The Bible is all full of mentions about feet that carrying good news being worth more than rubies, praising hearts full of love and kindness. I haven't found a verse yet that says "In order for God to find thee beautiful and loveable, thou must be blonde, 5'11 and a DD cup."

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and sometimes the beholder is  the one looking in the mirror.

Plus, you have to factor in the sin in the world. Because of sin, some of us have some wacked out genetics, some people are sickly, some are born blind. Maybe Johnny's mom had some kind of mole condition and that's why he has a mole. Not because God "did it", but because it's the result of living in a fallen world.

Besides, Johnny could get that mole removed. Typically if they're large and can be moved about, they're a sign of a skin condtion and should be removed.

 

I know it sounds stupid and that's probably why my mom thinks i need to get over myself,but it's annoying when EVERYONE else in your family thats older or just a year older are taller. Most family members range from 5'6 to 6'3 and 4! My grandma/pa are tall. My great grandparents are tall,Great Aunts and Uncles. My uncles are tall. Their children are tall. I dont know much about my fathers side since my mom and dad got into fight and he left before i was born. So i dont know his side,but even then my mom has said that my fathers mother and father (grandparents) are tall. It's annoying when everybody in the family (cousins,aunts,and uncles) always tell you you're the short one or you'll never be 5'10 or a model. I've thought about asking my mom to take me to a growth doctor (idk the medical term for a doctor thats a specialist in that area) and seeing if im on track,or take X-rays of my growth plates to see if i have any growth left in me. I probably got the unluckiest genes for height.

It's worse when your kid siblings are going to out grow you... but I can always steal their shoes they've outgrown! Bwahahaha!

Well, if you think that, then you're probably right. 

As I mentioned before, your genetics could surprise you, everyone is different. You say you've got no growth left, I say wait and see, and don't fret about it. Height isn't a deal breaker for living a good life. Your cousins and stuff will stop being jerks about your size eventually and will playfully tease you about your height, should you not grow, in your twenties. Teenagers can be total jerks, but... you just have put up with it. If the adults talking to you that way bothers you, say something about it. Tell them.

As for being a model, who wants THAT life? People stare at you, and you just sit around have you picture taken all day. Off camera all you do is workout and eat lettuce. Doesn't appeal at all. Boring.

Like Marley, Katy, and myself mentioned before, the trick to dealing with feeling ugly or not good enough is to rock what you got because no matter what height you end up being, this is the only body you're going to have on this earth. Enjoy it. Be thankful you can walk, talk, see, don't have a debillitating disease. Be grateful that you were born with eyes, tastebuds. So what if you're on the short side?   Count your blessings, shift your focus off of what you DON'T have and be thankful for what you do have.

 

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Plus, assuming that a girl will usually only go for guys taller than her (Just based on personal observation this is true a lot of the time) being short is actually an advantage. Lots of really nice lookin shorter guys around. One of my best dancing friends during my undergrad was a head shorter than me, made dancing awkward but for someone five or six inches shorter? Perfect. I've got a gal friend whose 6'1 who feels somewhat limited because of her height. 

 

Not super helpful but eh.

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I dont really care about guys. And even if i wanted to date I wouldn't do it because if im not happy about myself (appearance and other stuff going on in my life), it wont work out. It will just end up bad. I still may talk to my mom about taking me to a doctor.

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No worries. I was just trying to offer a positive anecdote. I agree that it's probably best not to date until your a bit older and a bit more at peace with yourself. ^_^ 

 

Well, a doctor may be able to help diagnose if theres a specific reason for your height but as much as it sucks to hear I'd say your best bet is to work on being comfortable in your own skin where you are. Work on developing new skills. Learn about subjects your interested in. Get some hobbies and grow in them. 

 

Basically the same as what I said before but good luck!

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I could just go to the doctor and see if my plates have fused or how long i have until they fuse. They CAN prescribe HGH (Human Growth Hormone) for kids who lack that hormone,or they have a normal balance,but not growing. Idk if i would take it if they even prescribed that to me. Last resort is the leg lengthening surgery. Like i described before. It's expensive though like the starting price is $75,000 i would either have to save up now,or win the lottery. I could get butt implants and lipo suction with that and look like nicki minaj :P

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I could just go to the doctor and see if my plates have fused or how long i have until they fuse. They CAN prescribe HGH (Human Growth Hormone) for kids who lack that hormone,or they have a normal balance,but not growing. Idk if i would take it if they even prescribed that to me. Last resort is the leg lengthening surgery. Like i described before. It's expensive though like the starting price is $75,000 i would either have to save up now,or win the lottery. I could get butt implants and lipo suction with that and look like nicki minaj :P

"It costs alot of money to look this cheap." -Dolly Parton.

Natural is better. Jussayin'.

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Yeah,i guess natural is better. But its just gotten to a point i cant even look in the mirror or go to the mall without getting depressed about my body and my height. I'm trying to lose weight (my stomach). It's so bad my self esteem and worth that i have to cover up my mirror to not see my body. I have no one to talk to irl about it because my mom and i dont get along.

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I think you might be looking into the wrong type of doctors here. Instead of looking into a growth specialist, you might want to look into a  psychologist. A trained professional will have a lot better help in how to deal with body image and things like that. 

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I think you might be looking into the wrong type of doctors here. Instead of looking into a growth specialist, you might want to look into a  psychologist. A trained professional will have a lot better help in how to deal with body image and things like that.

Yeah.

For finding out if im going to grow or where i am on growing,i would go to a growth specialists.

And for body image coping (and many more of my issues),a psychologist.

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The worst thing is that i wont have:

Long legs

Always look fat

My fingers look fat and ugly while other girl have longer skinnier versions

Myface is fat

My forehead is to big

My lips aren't big enough

My butt is not big enough

Everything about my body is not good enough.

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Number 1: your biggest problem is you are comparing yourself to everyone else. If you would stop that you may feel better.

 

I'll have you know I am 5'1, and I'd like to be taller too, but you know what? God made me to be pretty the way I AM! we have to love what God gives us.

 

A story here. My biggest insecurity used to be my NECK! I have quite a long neck, which some people teased and said I was a giraffe. I wished my neck was shorter, and tried to wear clothes to make it less noticable. But I prayed to God about it, and now I accept God made me BEAUTIFUL in that way!

 

If you cannot look past these issues, you seriously do somewhat need a therapist, especially if you are so willing to take matters into your own hands and get cosmetic surgery. You are 13, that body shape can CHANGE so much. You are still GROWING. Some people don't stop growing until they are PAST 18! so don't worry so much!

 

I do suggest you pray to God about this issue...

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God made you, so you're beautiful, no matter what silly notions of beauty this society has constructed. Some of the most "beautiful" people are insecure about things! EVERYONE thinks they could look better and wishes they did. I guarantee that there are beautiful things about you that other girls wish they were like. 

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Hope i get taller cause my aunt keeps saying im short and never will be tall as her kids. :/

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