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Last year I started dating a christian guy. Our relationship lasted for approximately 5 months. Everything was going quite well but then one day out of the blue he texted me saying that he felt that God was leading us down two different paths as I was planning to go to university  and he was going to be away quite a lot over the summer as he working for  a christian youth organisation and was doing a couple of overseas outreach teams for them over the summer. He wanted us to remain friends but obviously I was upset. 

 
I had been at uni for around a month when he messaged me on Facebook asking how everything was and I politely replied but didn't really continue on the conversation as i didn't want to get hurt again. He then messaged me several times since trying to strike up conversation but I didn't reply. Then on my birthday he messaged me wishing me to have a good day and I replied with a very blunt Thanks but he still kept trying to carry on the conversation. 
 
I've been thinking about him a lot and I don't know whether this is God's way of telling me to try and get back with him as I will be home now for 5 months over summer. I know I could just message him but I don't know how to apologise for being rude before and I don't know whether it is the right decision. 
 
My family did like him as he was a good christian guy but they felt that as he wasn't attending university he wasn't good enough maybe. This also sounds terrible but everyone says that I was too attractive for him as he's not really into clothes and material things also and I am very into my style and looks even though I know I shouldn't be and he didn't have much spare cash.
 
I just really don't know what to do. If i get back with him people will wonder why because they say I'm too good but the truth is I really thought we had something and I just don't know what to say if i do decide to message him?
 
Sorry this is so long and I appreciate you taking time to read this.

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No. You broke up with him because he played the God card.

Never get back with someone who plays the God card.

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I like the way you're thinking. Is this Gods' desire for you.

It sounds to me like you need to communicate with him. Often our greatest problems in life come as a result of a lack of context, which often comes from a lack of communication.

Talk to him, find out the why's, explain to him your reasoning for lack of communication lately- he will understand, he is human.

From the sounds of it, he is the type of husband you need some day, someone who will keep you humble and your head on the ground.

At the same time there is no need to get into a physical relationship until you both are actually in a position in life where you would he both willing and practically able to get married should that be God's desire for you.

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He seems like a great guy. Maybe he just didnt feel it was right at the time. I say you should try and get back with him. You wont find a lot of men like him

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Just as a general rule, getting back with an ex is a bad idea. 

 

First off, you don't even know if he's looking for that kind of relationship again but I also have to wonder if a lot of you missing him is in fact an environmental thing. University is a big change. Change is hard. Hard things make us emotional. Emotions make us want to run back into relationships that may or may not be what is best for us. 

 

You two are on different paths. Long distance relationships can work but they have to be something you are REALLY ready to do. Sure, you might have a few months this summer but where is the future? Personally, if it were me, I'd just let it be. Maybe meet up over the summer for closure if you must but keep the idea of a relationship out of your head. 

 

Also, Becky has a point about him "playing the God card". I'm not saying that this can't be genuine but a good 99.9% of the time there is another problem and it's just going unsaid. You need to figure out what that problem is. Maybe you had different life visions, maybe he wasn't ready for a long distance relationship and heck maybe he was just insecure but what are the implications of that? 

 

Just do some soul searching but at the same time be sure you are focusing on yourself. If you are sad. If you are lonely. If University hasn't been what you were hoping for I think you should hold back. You gotta tease out if it's god speaking or just residual heartache. 

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I wouldn't suggest getting back together with him, but you can still try being his friend.

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How do you even know he wants to date you? Just because he wanted to chat with you online and is interested in how your life is going does not mean that he wants to have you as a significant other. 

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Eh, my grandmother broke up with my granddad once. Then they got married and stayed married for decades.

 

From the limited information you've given us, it sounds like he broke up with you once, which signals unreliability. It also sounds like you're a bit too good for him. It also sounds like for one reason or another you're sort of interested in getting back together with him, which feelings are likely to get worse if you spend time reconnecting with him. Finally, he may not even be interested in getting back together, which would mean you would get hurt all over again.

 

So there's a balance of evidence that suggests that getting back together is a poor idea.

 

That said, my grandparents did go through a similar event and it worked out just fine for them. Sometimes taking a risk is worth it. In the end, only you can make the call, and only you will be responsible for the consequences.

 

I recommend figuring out what you would do if you followed your gut. If following your gut involves getting back together, ask yourself if you can deal with heartbreak a second time. If the answer is yes, then go for it.

Edited by Chris-M

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I think I'm biased. Every girl I attempt to date ends up getting back with her ex. I'm like a reverse-Good Luck Chuck.

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Getting back with an ex will 99% of the time fail and end in more hurt and heartbreak than where you were before, you need to look after yourself first and build up emotional vunerability.

 

He's obviously more focused on his career/leadership than a relationship, plays "the God card" to let you down gently, hard fact is he doesn't want you get in the way of putting himself forward. You'll be better off focusing on yourself and getting yourself into a better position, emotionally/finacially then either try for round two or move on

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I suggest No...mainly because if your boyfriend thought this was God's plan than you should respect that. 

-Mandy :D

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If it's meant to be it will be. Putting yourself back in that situation to get hurt again isn't good. If you get back with him again and he hurts you again it will honestly be horrible. 

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