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So, I just broke up with a guy. Why? Because he would get angry with me a lot. This past week he got angry with me 3 times. And twice I had no idea why. He would often not tell me or just act like nothing happened. And so I got tired of it because it was hurting me. However, I'm feeling guilty because I know I hurt him and I don't like hurting people. But in order to keep him happy I was making myself miserable. So, am I right to feel guilty? Or was I right to do what I did? I know this is an odd question to ask but I want to know if I was stupid or if I had a good reason.

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Breakups are emotional things and when emotions get all jumbled sadness, anger and guilt can all get rolled together. From you're description of his behavior, it sounds like the right thing. This guy was throwing temper tantrums, in a way, and by not telling you what was wrong or what was bothering him he really was being rather immature about his feelings. 

 

I'd suggest that, as much as you can, you take a break from him for at least a few weeks. Don't talk. Don't text. Focus on yourself. Take a few days to grieve and then throw yourself into activities that make you happy and build you up. Hang out with friends. Bake. Go hiking. Take care of yourself and allow all the chemicals in your brain that are making you think you should go back or feel bad about what you did wash out of your system. 

 

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but I think you know that what you did was justified. No one likes to hurt people they care about but sometimes you gotta love yourself too. 

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Breakups are emotional things and when emotions get all jumbled sadness, anger and guilt can all get rolled together. From you're description of his behavior, it sounds like the right thing. This guy was throwing temper tantrums, in a way, and by not telling you what was wrong or what was bothering him he really was being rather immature about his feelings. 

 

I'd suggest that, as much as you can, you take a break from him for at least a few weeks. Don't talk. Don't text. Focus on yourself. Take a few days to grieve and then throw yourself into activities that make you happy and build you up. Hang out with friends. Bake. Go hiking. Take care of yourself and allow all the chemicals in your brain that are making you think you should go back or feel bad about what you did wash out of your system. 

 

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but I think you know that what you did was justified. No one likes to hurt people they care about but sometimes you gotta love yourself too. 

Thanks, that helps.

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You did the right thing.

 

As someone who lives with someone with anger management issues he won't accept, it may be a long time before he stops. And he shouldn't take his anger out on you like that. You deserve better.

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You did the right thing.

 

As someone who lives with someone with anger management issues he won't accept, it may be a long time before he stops. And he shouldn't take his anger out on you like that. You deserve better.

Thank you Jazzy.

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Delores,

You did the right thing.  That "pull" you feel that sparks guilty feelings as you pull away is called a soul-tie.  Soul-ties happen when we wrap ourselves around a particular individual, idea, or thing.  Depending on what it is, it can help or hurt us.  You show incredible strength by following your conscience--which I believe to be the voice of the Holy Spirit in this case.  I'm very proud of you.  

 

Soul-ties are difficult to break which is why God only intends for us to form them with Him and those He brings into our lives (Proverbs 4:23; 2 Corinthians 6:14).  Either a person, idea, or thing is drawing us closer to God or further away.  In regards to people, we should always be aware how someone impacts are walk with God.  If we find ourselves being drawn away, or even just brought to a stand-still, then we should put that person, idea, or thing on the altar before God and ask Him courageously what He wants us to do with it.  

 

If the effect is obvious in the wrong direction, then you don't need a prayer.  Run (2 Timothy 2:22)!  Many people suffer needlessly and hinder God from bringing more fruitful relationships into our lives because we refuse to let go of what is familiar.  From what I've read, you're not that kind of individual.  Outstanding!  God is so proud of you!  

 

Let me know if you have any follow-up questions, and I'm happy to help.  Terri Savelle Foy has a wonderful teaching on soul ties that is outstanding.  This teaching helped me heal from a broken relationship, and I bet it can help do the same for you.  Here are the links...

 

http://www.terri.com/4-indicators-of-wrong-soul-ties/

http://www.terri.com/breaking-soul-ties-2/

 

Hope these help!

 

My best,

Marius

Edited by Launch Man Group

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Delores,

You did the right thing.  That "pull" you feel that sparks guilty feelings as you pull away is called a soul-tie.  Soul-ties happen when we wrap ourselves around a particular individual, idea, or thing.  Depending on what it is, it can help or hurt us.  You show incredible strength by following your conscience--which I believe to be the voice of the Holy Spirit in this case.  I'm very proud of you.  

 

Soul-ties are difficult to break which is why God only intends for us to form them with Him and those He brings into our lives (Proverbs 4:23; 2 Corinthians 6:14).  Either a person, idea, or thing is drawing us closer to God or further away.  In regards to people, we should always be aware how someone impacts are walk with God.  If we find ourselves being drawn away, or even just brought to a stand-still, then we should put that person, idea, or thing on the alter before God and ask Him courageously what He wants us to do with it.  

 

If the effect is obvious in the wrong direction, then you don't need a prayer.  Run!  Many people suffer needlessly and hinder God from bringing more fruitful relationships into our lives because we refuse to let go of what is familiar.  From what I've read, you're not that kind of individual.  Outstanding!  God is so proud of you!  

 

Let me know if you have an follow-up questions, and I'm happy to help.  Terri Savelle Foy has a wonderful teaching on soul ties that is outstanding.  This teaching helped me heal from a broken relationship, and I bet it can help do the same for you.  Here are the links...

 

http://www.terri.com/4-indicators-of-wrong-soul-ties/

http://www.terri.com/breaking-soul-ties-2/

 

Hope these help!

 

My best,

Marius

Marius,

Thank you so much, that is indeed very helpful. That was an awesome way of explaining it.  I really appreciate it.

 

God Bless,

Delores.

Edited by Delores Stariana

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You're welcome, Delores :)  Do you happen to know your purpose or your "position" on the body of Christ?

I'm afraid at this time I do not. Do you mean like what I feel God wants me to do with my life?

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I have thought about it some. I'm not totally sure, I have felt for a long time that I ought to try and help kids in foster care and to get them out of that life, it's an awful life, and I want to get them out of it. Other than that, I'm not really sure.

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What an awesome place to start!  I was a foster child and adoptee, so I understand some of the pressures and attacks on personal identity that can take place.  Those in that position need heroines like you!  

 

To help you, here's a guide I hand out when I typically do presentations on this topic.  It will help you get your thoughts in order, explore your gifts (even find hidden ones!), and get more details about how you can use them.  If you can, try not to make it an intellectual or mental exercise (where you think real hard for each answer).  Instead, it's a heart exercise.  Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you your real heart desire (Psalm 37:4) and let the answer actually "emerge" from inside you.  I hope that makes sense!  So many times we allow false ideas of what's possible or not possible to cause us to ignore or bury what we really want to do.  God wants us to dream again!  No limits with God!  

 

Here's a good one to start:

https://launchmangroup.com/wp-content/uploads/Power-of-Vision-Guide.pdf

 

A deeper version from a faith perspective:

https://launchmangroup.com/wp-content/uploads/Manuscript-UPWARD.pdf

 

Hope these help!

 

Marius

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I understand that feeling have been distracting your feelings lately.  Give it a time, maybe you both need some time off.

 

 

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guilt's perfectly reasonable for a little while. Hurting people sucks, keeping yourself in a healthy state of mind is important though. Life is long, don't put up with people who don't respect you. 

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