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Beating your children

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I was browsing the forum TeenReply, which occasionally spams us, and came across a thread wherein a teenager described being punched in the eye and kicked in the stomach by his father; as the teen in question had been using his father's computer without permission. One can imagine my horror and disgust when one of the members of that forum defended the father's actions and said that the kid deserved it; that parents have the right to beat their children.

 

So, I ask my fellow CTFers, what do you think? Yea or nay on beating children?

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I come from a home where my parents consider raising your voice to be vulgar and so don't do it (I've heard my dad shout maybe.. 5 times, if that?) and punishments were never physical, so I know it's perfectly possible to raise children to be well-mannered, polite and respectful without resorting to physical violence. I really dislike the idea of raising children with the idea that "I'm sorry" means "please don't hit me". Whilst I firmly disagree with physical punishment (spanking, smacking etc.), however, I appreciate that other people see it differently and experienced physical punishment at home that was reasonable and considered. Used rarely, and as a last resort, I can understand why parents choose physical punishment.

 

Punching a child in the stomach or the head is abuse, plain and simple. Heavy blows to the stomach (think adult power onto a child or teen's body) runs the risk of doing significant damage to spleen, liver or kidneys, which can lead to massive internal haemorrhaging - and it's easier to achieve than you think. We pull kids out of sports because of concussion - how much more damage would a direct blow to the head potentially do? 

 

In short, there's a massive difference between a swat on the rear or the backs of the legs, and full-on assault. 

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My opinion is not as cut and dry as some like to say.

 

 I find physical punishment to be beneficial, if done right. A good wack and belt knocks sense into a child. As for the case mentioned by the thread creator, he seemed to have exaggerated a few things. Nothing in the original thread mentioned the child having any injuries from his father. The only thing that seemed hurt on the kid was his pride. A punch in the eye and a kick to the stomach can be done with minor injuries and pain. Of course, it could have also have resulted in serious injuries, but the kid didn't seem to mention any of those. The only injury he said was that he saw spots, and honestly, you see spots with even very minor eye injuries.

 

By the way, since the thread creator here wasn't man enough to say it, I will. I, PlasmaHam, was the person who said the father was justified.

 

I have an account on the site, and is helping it start up. This kid wanted advice about physical punishment, and since I have plenty of experience with it, I decided to help him. I added my honest opinions on the matter, in that physical punishment is fine unless it is unjustified or results in serious injuries. I could have worded it better, but I stand by my stance. Later, the kid started ranting about how I didn't understand and the other punishments he had endured. Anyone with any experience with kids would know he was likely just exaggerating, but I nevertheless offered him advice concerning talking to the parents and stopping the punishments if he so pleased.

 

By the way, everyone else there that wasn't against physical punishments agreed with me that the father was justified in that instance. I did not say the father was justified in the other instances the kid mentioned, since I didn't know the facts about it. I gave him the advice of going and talking to his parents as well as another adult family member about this matter.

 

Here is the link to the discussion, something the thread creator here also failed to include. As you can see, I tried to be supportive of the kid and never said I allow serious child beatings.  http://www.teenreply.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=462

 

The next time you want to call someone's opinions disgusting and horrible, do it to their face. My opinion of you as a honorable and respectful person has all but disappeared. I am really, really disappointed.  

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Alright Plasma, your opinion in this matter arouses within me deep revulsion and disgust. Happy? Get off your high horse, I didn't want to publicly shame you for your awful retrograde views; it's not that I wasn't "man enough" (ha!), I just didn't see any benefit in naming and shaming.
 

 

 

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Honestly, I find the idea that this scenario could some how be considered "ok" disgusting as well. I could be wrong, but this does not sound like well done (if there is such a thing) physical punishment. This seems like an angry response on the part of the father.

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I don't think the father was justified. That's sickening.

Numerous studies show corporal punishment does not work on children, and can actually produce negative results.

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Numerous studies show corporal punishment does not work on children, and can actually produce negative results.

 

I think that goes somewhat beyond the actual settled and unambiguous evidence, and in fact the only really to describe the bulk of the evidence is unclear, mixed, and deeply ambiguous. Not that I'm too concerned with this particular data question. (Though I do pretty strongly object to treating "corporal punishment" as itself anything like a useful category, given the radical degree of variation present in both the methods and applications involved. For example, occasional smacks on the bottom prefixed and suffixed with words of moderation and assurance are indisputably categorically different from yelling and unrestrained whacking.)

 

More importantly, to the OP, obviously this is a revolting way to treat a child. Measured spanking is one thing, but punching and kicking are unacceptable in every way. The only people you should ever be punching or kicking are your opponents in martial arts or people trying to hurt others. In any other context all such manners of behavior warrant either the label "assault" or "abuse."

I find physical punishment to be beneficial, if done right.

 

To defend punching and kicking in terms simply of "physical punishment" is kind of like defending child molestation in terms of "parental affection."

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The next time you want to call someone's opinions disgusting and horrible, do it to their face. My opinion of you as a honorable and respectful person has all but disappeared. I am really, really disappointed.  

 

Also, I do not think this response to Synod is appropriate. This was, for one, not behind your back. It was quite publically where you could see it, thus "to your face." But it would have been picking a fight and an obvious attempt to publically shame you if he had specifically identified you as the person in question. The way this thread began seems to me, from my position as an impartial observer and a moderator, an entirely reasonable way to initiate this discussion.

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I think in some cases, it can be alright.

But not like that. Not like that at all. You do not kick someone in the gut and punch them in the eye.

Maybe a soft slap. Something that does NOT leave a bruise later. If you left a bruise on your child you've done too much.

I have been slapped by my parents for doing bad a few times. I am fine, but I never, EVER had a bruise. Maybe a red mark for a few minutes and burns in my pride but never did I have a bruise.

 

that is my view on this.

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Alright Plasma, your opinion in this matter arouses within me deep revulsion and disgust. Happy? Get off your high horse, I didn't want to publicly shame you for your awful retrograde views; it's not that I wasn't "man enough" (ha!), I just didn't see any benefit in naming and shaming.

 

Also, I do not think this response to Synod is appropriate. This was, for one, not behind your back. It was quite publically where you could see it, thus "to your face." But it would have been picking a fight and an obvious attempt to publically shame you if he had specifically identified you as the person in question. The way this thread began seems to me, from my position as an impartial observer and a moderator, an entirely reasonable way to initiate this discussion.

I think you're both right, it was quite publicly and not trying to pick a fight. 

 

Now, for my opinion on this matter. I am horrified at parents who do what was described, to their children. It is completely child abuse.  I have been spanked hard enough it hurts to sit down and I have twice been slapped by my mum. But NEVER EVER did or would they try to hurt me like that, it just stings for a bit and hurts the pride, that's all. They wouldn't do that, that's a horrible thing to do. I'm all for physical punishment, but not like that, a spanking is good but not seriously causing harm or bruises or anything, that would be WAY too much. I think just enough to get the attention of the kid that's not supposed to do whatever it may be is fine, more then that is not. Punching, hitting, and kicking like that is definitely child abuse and should not be put up with.

Edited by Delores Stariana

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Are we really dragging drama from another site onto CTF...?

 

Anyway, different behavior management techniques are appropriate for different children. Some kids may respond well to spankings. However, the research in general suggests that, A. most people overuse punishments (as opposed to extinction and positive reinforcement techniques), and that B. most people respond badly to corporal punishment.

 

Teachers every day run successful K-6 classrooms without the use of corporal punishment. It seems likely parents could learn do the same outside the classroom.

Edited by Chris-M

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My view is that corporal punishment can be effective. I was spanked as a child, but not very often and it never went too far. That's really sad that the kid got hurt like that, and while it is true that the child disobeyed, I just think the punishment was too extreme... The door is even scratched up where his dad kicked it. So in this case, yes, too far for sure. But that doesn't mean it's always bad.

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Are we really dragging drama from another site onto CTF...?

 

Anyway, different behavior management techniques are appropriate for different children. Some kids may respond well to spankings. However, the research in general suggests that, A. most people overuse punishments (as opposed to extinction and positive reinforcement techniques), and that B. most people respond badly to corporal punishment.

 

Teachers every day run successful K-6 classrooms without the use of corporal punishment. It seems likely parents could learn do the same outside the classroom.

yeah let us not. 

 

lettuce not. lol

 

no ignore that.

 

Seriously, there's lines you don't cross, Don't hit your kids. 

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Did anyone else go to the other website to get the full story? Cause I did.

I'm not proud, but I did.

But yeah, this is abuse. Physical discipline is a light smack on the rear or thigh. Something to get attention, not to hurt. Even as someone who grew up with physical discipline, I don't recommend it. I don't resent my parents for it, but I understood that I was in trouble long before they spanked/smacked me. After a certain age it becomes completely unnecessary.

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Also, I do not think this response to Synod is appropriate. This was, for one, not behind your back. It was quite publically where you could see it, thus "to your face." But it would have been picking a fight and an obvious attempt to publically shame you if he had specifically identified you as the person in question. The way this thread began seems to me, from my position as an impartial observer and a moderator, an entirely reasonable way to initiate this discussion.

It would have been far better if Synod simply kept his mouth closed. His comment was entirely unnecessary, and either way he was intending to start a fight. It could have been obvious, or in this case not obvious. Anyone who would have checked the original thread would have known that it was me, if he wanted to mention the forum and thread, he should have known that someone would have figured out who he was referring to.

 

Did he seriously not expect me to stand up for myself? I am a little old-fashioned when it comes to respect and honor. I actually respect people's opinions, whether or not I agree with them or not. Look at the forums and you will not see me insulting people or opinions, but unfortunately others don't share similar values. For someone who actually tries to stay true to honor and opinions, I find it abhorrent when someone attempts to insult my character and honor without even mentioning me.

 

I don't care about others shaming me for my opinion. I seriously doubt that shaming was the actual reason you didn't include my name, but I am not ashamed of my opinions. The next time you wish to avoid "shaming" me, don't bother.

 

Now, for clearing up my initial post. In the original thread, on teensreply, I posted my opinions in conjunction with the kid who was complaining. At first, everything seems to indicate the kid was just exaggerating stuff, I've seen it multiple times before. But overtime, I gradually started to realize that the Father did have a history of violence. My two last posts, which I seriously doubt most of you read, depicted my changed sentiment. Of course, I wanted to be beneficial and help to fix the problem, instead of your responses which have basically said, "oh, sorry kid, but I think you are getting abused, good luck with that!" I have been the only person to actually give this kid advice and help on fixing this. 

 

My first post was a bit of an over-reaction, I'm sorry (two words I always give yet I rarely get in return here on CTF) 

Edited by PlasmaHam

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Don't sweat the small stuff, guys :'D people are slowly dying of cancer somewhere, and someday we probably will be too <3

Love you all.

<3

<3

#InternetDrama

Edited by Chris-M

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It would have been far better if Synod simply kept his mouth closed. His comment was entirely unnecessary, and either way he was intending to start a fight. It could have been obvious, or in this case not obvious. Anyone who would have checked the original thread would have known that it was me, if he wanted to mention the forum and thread, he should have known that someone would have figured out who he was referring to.

 

Did he seriously not expect me to stand up for myself? I am a little old-fashioned when it comes to respect and honor. I actually respect people's opinions, whether or not I agree with them or not. Look at the forums and you will not see me insulting people or opinions, but unfortunately others don't share similar values. For someone who actually tries to stay true to honor and opinions, I find it abhorrent when someone attempts to insult my character and honor without even mentioning me.

 

I don't care about others shaming me for my opinion. I seriously doubt that shaming was the actual reason you didn't include my name, but I am not ashamed of my opinions. The next time you wish to avoid "shaming" me, don't bother.

 

Now, for clearing up my initial post. In the original thread, on teensreply, I posted my opinions in conjunction with the kid who was complaining. At first, everything seems to indicate the kid was just exaggerating stuff, I've seen it multiple times before. But overtime, I gradually started to realize that the Father did have a history of violence. My two last posts, which I seriously doubt most of you read, depicted my changed sentiment. Of course, I wanted to be beneficial and help to fix the problem, instead of your responses which have basically said, "oh, sorry kid, but I think you are getting abused, good luck with that!" I have been the only person to actually give this kid advice and help on fixing this. 

 

My first post was a bit of an over-reaction, I'm sorry (two words I always give yet I rarely get in return here on CTF) 

 

 

Guy, Chill. The discussion wasn't even supposed to be about you. The discussion was obviously about gathering more opinions on the subject already discussed somewhere else.

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I still do get regularly punished for any bad behavior by my parents and I do not consider it abusive.  It is more structured though than a punch in the face as that does sound wrong.  I suppose it is the context in which it is delivered

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