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Buoyancy

The 90's sitcom that has become my life.

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Girl likes boy. Boy's best friend likes girl. Girl does not like boy's best friend in that way. Girl eventually gets over boy when he moves away and falls in love with tacos.


Sounds like the perfect cheesy teen drama, and yet, it's my life as a 25 year old.

I recently got over Carter because he moved away and found himself a girl at college. Whatever. However, Carter's friend, Chris, is really into me and has been for awhile. I've only been a friend ,and he's trippin' like a 4 year old that can't tie his shoes. He's nice, we get along, have MANY common interests and he cracks me up, but I'm not romantically interested in him or anyone else right now. 

We used to work at the same place a couple of years ago, and I thought I made myself very clear that I wasn't interested in anything but friendship. The message seemed to get across.

Fast forward two years and we hang out again. And again. The first time together, the second as a trio, one of my gal pals came along.  We went to a car show, got food, scoped out the newest store in the area.  It was a good time. He was a little flirtyish but he kinda does that alot, so I shrugged it off.

Annnd then Chris hugged me and Becky is a sucker for hugs. >_< But it was one of those "I don't wanna let you go" type of hugs, which I found slightly disconcerting. He alos mentioned a couple of times about picking me up at my place and hanging out and i'm like... uhhhh, my folks would freak. They get weird around all of my male friends, but that's besides the point. 


I'd never date Chris and I have a few reasons.
-He is content to stay where he's at with the Lord, while I want someone gently shoving me in the right direction. I wanna grow, and I want someone in my life who's gonna push me that way.
-He smokes. Ew.
-Musician, i'm a writer, we are both artists and I can't deal.
-Uses the f-bomb just a little too much for my taste.
-Has a really weird relationship with his ex. They've broken up and gotten together and then friendzoned each other so many times that I've kinda written him off as unstable. :P (Also, she looks like me.... the kid has a type.)

The flip side of this is I like being around him, This guy gives nice hugs, is very complimentary, isn't creepy in his approach. We can talk for hours about anything and everything. I also LOVE positive male attention. I eat it up. It's refreshing and fantastic.  I don't want to lose this friendship by not hanging out with him, but I feel he's falling fast and I'm not romantically inclined towards him. I know he's a grown up, but I don't want to lead him on in any way, shape or form. I don't want him to even THINK I'm into him.

I don't know what to do about this, I really have no clue.


So, thoughts, comments, questions, concerns, bring it on. I really needed to get this off of my chest. 


 

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When in doubt, spit it out!  Straight up there's nothing but to just say it here. Will it mess up the friendship? Eh. Possibly. But what can ya do? If you've stated that you're not interested in anything romantic and he's still getting dewey eyed at the sight of you that's his problem. There's nothing wrong with just straight up not being attracted to a person. You don't have to have a reason. 

 

That being said though, he sounds like a decent guy. If the topic of maybe-dating comes up, maybe you should try discussing the reasons why you are hesitant. Make sure to use "I statements" and try not to be accusatory. Some of the things (like too many f-bombs) are pretty quick fixes and if he likes you he'd be motivated to change. Smoking is a bit harder, but people do do it for folks they care about. The spiritual thing is a bit harder but I'd just make sure to let him know that that's something important to you. The artist thing is odd on your part (I think, sorry you'd have to explain) and as for the ex.... eh... a lot of people have a "type" and its not a terrible thing. It's also not a terrible thing to request that an ex stay 100% out of the picture in the event of a relationship though. Sometimes all people need is their next thing. 

 

All I'm saying is make sure your list isn't getting in the way of a good thing. 

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Alright. I've said it before, maybe he just didn't listen. XD


Smoking is an issue not just because "ew gross stinky", but I'm really allergic to it. Outside it's fine, but if I'm inside and there is someone smoking or someone has been smoking, I have trouble breathing and my nose bleeds and that is unpleasant. He's told me he's tried quitting 8 times so far and hasn't been successful.Maybe I'm too quick to give up on that, but... I dunno. -shrug-

Okay, the art thing. I don't want to sound like a jerk to the art folk, so....hear me out. 

I myself am of the artistic bent.  Most other people I know of the artistic bent are prone to emotional outbursts, be they rage or tears, or just unneeded moodiness. I am too much moody in one package and I'm concerned that being in a relationship with another artsy-type will cause even MORE unneeded moodiness. I need calm to my storm, stable to my cray-cray, logic to my scatter brain.. Maybe it's different for guys, I dunno. I've always been attracted to the opposite, the "nerdy"/numerically inclined set anyway.

The type thing isn't necessarily bad, it kind of amuses me. It's the whole on/off on/off BFF-I hate you schtick that bothers me.  She walks in and out of his life like a revolving door and sometimes he follows her. I'm not comfy with that. If it came up, I'm sure I'd nip it in the bud, but as it is...ehhhh.

Quite frankly my biggest concern with him is his lacksadaiscal approach to God while I'm chomping at the bit to learn more and to get pushed further. That is a place were are not compatible and that is a HUGE dealbreaker in my mind. If he got passionate about following god, I could see it, maybe. I dunno.

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"Hey broski, I don't want to ride your pleasure coaster so back off."

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're done here.

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"Hey broski, I don't want to ride your pleasure coaster so back off."

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're done here.

I told him two years ago I didn't want him in my pants. Like outright, "You're cool and all, but I don't want you in my pants."

It... wasn't super effective?

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