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lostteen

I am a child of God.....

This was written by me at a conference I was at this summer. 

 

This isn’t a ted talk.It’s like one but..because we are at conference we have to rename it. So we could call this a jimmy talk, but i think that i should call this my talk with Jesus.

 

The internal scares. The internal struggles, the pain, the suffering of just watching.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Watching loved ones, parents in fact, taking pills for two different reasons.

 

I am a child of God.

 

To watch your sword and shield take them so he can function, so that his diabetes doesn't send him to the hospital, so he doesn’t miss a day of work he desperately needs, a day of work to continue to fight to keep the roof over his family's heads.

 

I am a child of God.

 

The other taking pills, takes them to not have to feel anymore. To not have to feel the pain of not having a job, or to not feel the loss she suffered long ago, the loss of twins who now sit at the feet of the Messiah. But no one really knows the true reason.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Now to the ones who watch. Two to be exact. Not much older than seven, wondering why mommy stays in the bathroom with a lighter and her pain killers. Wondering why daddy stabs himself with a needle in the stomach. Not understanding what really, truly is happening on the inside of the house.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Fast forward to the same street, same house, now the little ones are now in middle school.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Sitting outside with the pet bunny. The older trying to distract the younger from hearing the worst of the fighting going on in the house, a fight later told to be about the fact that one hide the addicts pills.

 

I am a child of God.

 

In the next seconds you hear the door slam, a father yells for his oldest daughter, telling her to take her sister to the neighbors, To get her safe, with the younger now near her sister yells look out daddy!

 

I am a child of God.

 

Shattered glass...Catching the light, creating rainbows. A symbol of that once meant hope,love,peace,joy.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Watching the pick-axe go through the window, causing the dad to jump back. Causing the neighbors to come and say that they called the police. To hear the addict screaming, and taking off in the car.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Fast forward yet again...Now in high school our watchers wait for the lazy days of summer. For school to start. Giving one a fresh start, the other counting down those school days till her last year.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Cooking. Heating the oil too hot. Causing the flames to lick at the cupboards above the stove. The addict “mom” grabbing the pot of, trying to get it out of the house.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Crash! The pot hitting the floor.Scorching the oak door black. Addict “mom” burned. Crashes through the door yelling. Enemies turned back to neighbors. Coming to help.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Calling the ambulance. The older daughter crying uncontrollably. While the younger sits silently.

 

I am a child of God.

 

30% burned, 3rd degree burns. Weeks in the hospital, in a coma. Sitting doing nothing.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Gloves, aprons, masks. Precautions to make sure nothing gets infected. Waiting for her to wake up.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Waiting for mom to come back home. Older sister plays nursemaid to “mom”. Mother moves back in. As well as the addict.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Freshman year starts. Junior year is just beginning.

 

I am a child of God.

 

180 days later at noon, the last test is handed in. At 2pm packing the car with 7 boxes. 5pm pulling into my new home. The older sister stays till 6pm and heads home.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Fast forward just one more time. Our younger sister has just celebrated her 15th birthday a couple of days earlier.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Dreams of college, and seeing her father are what get her through her days.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Than the phone rings...A dark wings bring dark messages kind of call. August 22,2015. Her father dies.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Leaving her at the mercy of her addict mother.Threats. Fearing that one day the call would come in. telling her to pack once again.

 

I am a child of God.

 

Except instead of sending her to another heaven on earth. She would be returning to the valley of the shadow of death. To know where she stands with her siblings. The liar, The bastard child, the one who lied about what she saw “mom” doing. The one who knows nothing of what she saw.

 

I am a child of God.

 

To now look in the mirror and see the strong, scared, mistake making, young woman with her life ahead of her.

 

I am a child of God.

 

So now you have heard the story...My story….My past...You are seeing my present. And the only thing left is my future. Where the only thing I know for certain is…

 

That i am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am stronger in the present, because of my past and in my future just six words will define me…

 

I Am A Child Of God.


 

Edited by lostteen

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