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Loners and Quiet people?

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A lot of people say quiet people are hiding something or are cold and shallow but what do you guys think? specifically what do you think about quiet girls and loners?

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Ok. So I'm definitely an introvert. Quiet by nature, and a little anxious in social situations. Although I'm pretty well spoken generally, small talk is something I struggle with. That said, I'm also a good friend, productive and creative worker, and generally a decent person most of the time (I think). 

But I'm not always perceived that way. 

As a stereotypical "shy" person one of the most important things I've learned that it's important to recognize that there is a difference between who you are and how you are perceived (how other people see you). Quiet people can be good and they can be bad, but they are often perceived as stuck up, cold, or shallow. 

And this isn't a bad thing exactly, it's just how people relate to each other. Basically, most (if not all) people are self-focused first and other people focused second. If someone makes a point to avoid talking to you, or breaks off conversations quickly, your first thought is not usually "Oh, they must be shy" It's more likely to be "They don't like me" or even "That was rude". 

Plus, shy people are sometimes really hard to get to know. If I don't know you well, and I can't get you to start up a conversation with me, eventually I'm going to move on. And it's not that you, as a shy person, did anything wrong. It's just that it's too much energy. Friendships, relationships, even acquaintances, are a two way street. Sure, maybe I should try harder, especially if I think your a cool person or we might be spending time together, BUT it shouldn't be expected. 

And then there's the issue of rusty social skills. But that's another bucket o-worms.

 

 

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15 minutes ago, Marley said:

Ok. So I'm definitely an introvert. Quiet by nature, and a little anxious in social situations. Although I'm pretty well spoken generally, small talk is something I struggle with. That said, I'm also a good friend, productive and creative worker, and generally a decent person most of the time (I think). 

But I'm not always perceived that way. 

As a stereotypical "shy" person one of the most important things I've learned that it's important to recognize that there is a difference between who you are and how you are perceived (how other people see you). Quiet people can be good and they can be bad, but they are often perceived as stuck up, cold, or shallow. 

And this isn't a bad thing exactly, it's just how people relate to each other. Basically, most (if not all) people are self-focused first and other people focused second. If someone makes a point to avoid talking to you, or breaks off conversations quickly, your first thought is not usually "Oh, they must be shy" It's more likely to be "They don't like me" or even "That was rude". 

Plus, shy people are sometimes really hard to get to know. If I don't know you well, and I can't get you to start up a conversation with me, eventually I'm going to move on. And it's not that you, as a shy person, did anything wrong. It's just that it's too much energy. Friendships, relationships, even acquaintances, are a two way street. Sure, maybe I should try harder, especially if I think your a cool person or we might be spending time together, BUT it shouldn't be expected. 

And then there's the issue of rusty social skills. But that's another bucket o-worms.

Thanks for your input im pretty quiet in school too.

 

 

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I'm quiet to strangers because why waste my energy on them?  I'm an ambivert, so I don't tire quite AS quickly as my introvert friends, but I fail to see the point in talking to randoms. It brings me no joy and makes me feel awkward. Why bother?   However, get to know me and I do not shut up. Ever. 

Most "shy" people are like that. Then tend to be warm and friendly, but in small groups or situations where they feel safe. In a culture that praises extroversion and being a "people person", quiet ones are often over looked, or looked down on.

I have no problem with quiet girls. 

Loners, well, it depends on the loner.  I've been called a loner because my circle of friends is small and was outside of school, so I was just alone most of the time--which is totally fine. I've seen teenagers trying to be loners because it makes them "edgy", "emo", "dark"  and "mysterious" or some such nonsense. That kind of loner is a dumb drama llama.  Avoid.

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I can't agree more with Marley or Boogles. 

There is nothing wrong with being a shy, quiet person. Ofter they are very sweet and friendly people, once you give them the opportunity to warm up to you. Additionally, one of the benefits to being an introvert is that you are comfortable with silence. Therefore, an introvert is usually a fantastic listener. I'm currently working as a therapist, and one of the first things my boss will do with a new therapist is to determine if they are an introvert or an extrovert, because the two possess different skill sets and will usually excel at different aspects of the job. In particular, introverts are fantastic at doing evaluative work where you get to know the client, get to the heart of the issue, and then make treatment recommendations as well as on-going one on one work do to their listening skills. The extroverts make fantastic group therapists as they excel in a social environment. 

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I am a quiet girl and a loner but i am not hiding nothing. yeah i must be quiet and  yeah there are somethings that i may hide from people but i am not cold nor mean. well i can be sometimes.

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and also there are reasons why people want to stay quiet and lonely. I can answer that because in real life, i am quiet and a loner.

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I'm a 'quiet girl' to most people but if I feel very comfortable around someone I can talk for two hours straight. It's not right to assume that someone is full of themselves because they don't talk much, I was bullied at a church once because a kid thought that I was a snob. Some people just have social anxiety, it's not that we don't want to talk it's just really hard. Being "shy" is just the fear of letting people see the real you. 

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15 hours ago, PaperGirl said:

I'm a 'quiet girl' to most people but if I feel very comfortable around someone I can talk for two hours straight. It's not right to assume that someone is full of themselves because they don't talk much, I was bullied at a church once because a kid thought that I was a snob. Some people just have social anxiety, it's not that we don't want to talk it's just really hard. Being "shy" is just the fear of letting people see the real you. 

yeah, some shy people are afraid to put themselves out their. as for me, i have social issues and social anxiety

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I'm sorta the same way in real life. I find it hard to talk to people so in school i'm pretty lonely, although I wasn't like that when i was in elementry school. I started to get quiet basically around 5th grade. I guess i realized I had no real friends. Is anyone else like that?

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On 11/5/2016 at 2:09 PM, MandySCOtt said:

I'm sorta the same way in real life. I find it hard to talk to people so in school i'm pretty lonely, although I wasn't like that when i was in elementry school. I started to get quiet basically around 5th grade. I guess i realized I had no real friends. Is anyone else like that?

There are many reasons of why i am a loner and quiet. I started acting this way when I was 6 years old. I had a pretty rough childhood tbh... what I've gone through had made me into a person that i am today. There are times when I get tired of being alone. I try really hard to make friends it just that me and people don't get along. I either get mad at them for being by me or push them away and be mean to them. I sometimes feel bad for being like that to people. I guess that what I have gone through in my child hood and as growing up was tramatizing. Why I decided to be a loner and stay quiet? well, for one reason I am afraid to put myself out there. Afraid of being rejected. Afraid of being judge. Afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of betrayer. There are so  many that makes me afraid to have friends by my side but the fear i have of the past keeps getting in my way. I been dealing with this for a long time and every year it gets worse. I have a therapist and a mentor that is helping with this but I fee like it is not enough. So my next soulution is God. I have faith in God and I believe that he will help me with what I am dealing with. All i ask for you guys is to pray for me........

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On November 4, 2016 at 3:06 PM, Michi said:

yeah, some shy people are afraid to put themselves out their. as for me, i have social issues and social anxiety

I get y'all completely I've always been called shy and later realized it had clinical names like social anxiety or whatever. Thing is like you said when with those comfortable with or want to talk to me . I have no problem talking even for hours haha. But wow I didn't fully realize how common this is .

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On ‎01‎.‎11‎.‎2016 at 10:44 PM, MandySCOtt said:

A lot of people say quiet people are hiding something or are cold and shallow but what do you guys think? specifically what do you think about quiet girls and loners?

Well i am a loner too, but i am not cold and very friendly too other people, but very shy :(

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