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I Cheated on my GF and i feel horrible :(

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10 replies to this topic

#1
RKO

RKO

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i chatted with a friend of mine on facebook and some sexual things were said on there that i won't repeat and my gf doesnt know. i asked God to forgiveness and i know he has forgiven me and i repented but the guilt is eating me alive. i don't know if its the devil accusing me, God talking to me or just my own personal uncertainty about whether im going to hell for not telling my gf. im really in a jam here and i need help.

#2
Stand

Stand

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Be honest with your girlfriend, otherwise why be in a relationship with someone you cannot trust with your mistakes? She does deserve to know. Oh, and stop talking to that other person.

#3
ksqt0509

ksqt0509

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In my opinion, if you respect your girlfriend at all she deserves to know. It will hurt her feelings and probably will test your relationship, but it will also make it stronger in the end if it gets through it.

Either way, she needs to know or the guilt will effect your relationship anyways.

#4
Marley

Marley

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As someone who was cheated on in a relationship (and is still friends with the guy!) it really really really helps for you to come clean. She doesn't need to know every detail (tell her enough so that she understands what happened but not enough that she has to imagine it in her head all the time) but be straight with her.

So heres your cheat sheet:

Note: All this is assuming you want to continue the relationship. If you've cheated, you may want to reevaluate if this is where you need to be right now.

1. Tell your girlfriend. Pick a private time to say it and say it face to face (no facebook, text, etc... trust me, it just makes you seem like a wimp.) Tell her what she needs to know and then let it drop. She may wan't details but she doesn't need them (this sounds weird, but its true, it just give her more to ruminate on) just give her what she needs to know without making it less or more than it was.

2. If you want your relationship with your current GF to continue, you need to cut ties with whoever you were talking with on facebook. Let the other person know that you need to be left alone (tactfully) and then break contact.

3. Expect her to be mad and upset. If she wants to take a break from the relationship for a while let her. If she wants you to grovel a bit, do it. You have to decide how much this is worth to you. BE SINCERLY SORRY. But! Don't let her walk all over you either. Don't get me wrong, you are in the wrong here BUT you letting her use you as an emotinal punching bag won't help either of you. Stay calm, stay humble and don't get defensive. She's hurt. Its your fault. Accept it.

4. Ask her forgiveness, but don't force it. Say the words 'I hope you can forgive me.'

5. Work to move past this. Whether or not that means with the relationship. Everyone messes up, and as you've already said God has forgiven you.

I'll be praying for you, and look if you ever want to talk about this, know that I'm coming from the perspective of a girl who was cheated on by a great christian guy who fessed up two days later. I've asked myself several times whether I would have liked better not to know. And I'm still glad he told me.

Happily Married to the Wonderful TJB_GoingIntoBattle
Mother of T.O.W.R. and Guitarman
and possibly a few more I'm forgetting
Owner of Horse-Katy

And John (Wesker) is my CTF Gal-Pal

I ship Jaleb <3


#5
opalecent

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Thank you, Marley, for putting it better than I could have :)

Love is a friendship set to music. ~Eli Joseph Cossman
CTF Daughter to teh awesome Foofer and Kirsty!
~~Icexist has my ♥ - right after Jesus~~
*insert something clever here* < That's your signature tag (: Enjoy! ~Haley<3


#6
RKO

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i did tell her in lay mans terms in a message that i was sorry for hurting her and that i did say inappropriate things and that i flirted. i told her before in a way that didnt hurt her as bad but then my mind just wouldnt let me get away with it so i messaged her and told her that i was sorry.

but whats weird is that now (idk if its my anxiety, God or the devil) telling me to tell her EVERYTHING like how many times i cheated, or that i wanted to lead our conversation today into telling her that i cheated. and its gotten worse, i reflected on all the lies i've told period! do i have to go and tell EVERYONE that i lied to them, even though its like days and weeks old?

#7
ksqt0509

ksqt0509

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That's tough.

I guess it could be God putting it on your heart to come clean. It's always good to confess your sins, and apologize. I'd pray about it and then maybe confide in your girlfriend exactly what's making you feel so guilty.

Honestly I don't know if the guilt will go away completely, because you did something wrong and it hurt someone you love, but talking to her might help.

Maybe talking to a youth leader or leader at your church, they're there to help you out and spread wisdom around. Might want to get their input.

#8
JAG

JAG

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You should tell her everything, and you should do it in person. None of that sissy texting or emailing crap, that's an insult.
"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."
- C.S. Lewis -

#9
Tazz

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i was going to say some thing but i agree with marly and jag. good job!

ya just be onist.

:taz:ME TAZMANIAN DEVIL:taz:


parents:Christopherjr & Maia
grand parents: ran1078 & HaleyGirl16
aunts: Anabeth, trueimage15, zia, herbiefullyloaded


Phillippians 4:13- "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengtheneth me."
King James Version


#10
Lion_Angel

Lion_Angel

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You need to tell her about it.

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#11
cheeseisthenewpurple

cheeseisthenewpurple

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Like everyone else said, tell her everything. If you don't, and she finds out eventually, the relationship will be doomed. If you do tell her, remember, you don't deserve to be in a relationship with her now, and she has every right to break up with you. BUT if you do tell her, there is a much, much better chance that things will work out for the better.

If anything, use this as a learning experience, whether she stays with you or not. Just remember that's out of your hand. Don't try to push it, because then she will think you're only trying to get attention. And if deep down you think you are doing this for attention, (I'm not saying you are, but it doesn't hurt to be real with yourself), you might want to evaluate why you're in the relationship in the first place.




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