High School is a place where they throw you into a high-pressure environment and keep raising the temperature until you crack. And I'm cracking. I have 1 day left of finals, with 1 late paper and 2 more exams, and I've just calculated that I'm going to get a c on a report card for the first time (I know this doesn't seem too bad, but you don't know my parents, and ai'm smothered by their expectations and my school's expectations, and the expectations of the admission's reps from all the colleges I'll be applying to next fall) unless I get a 96 on my final, which is nearly impossible, since I understand none of it. I just can't do this anymore, all of this constant pressure on me to do so much, and I just can't do it all. I just keep thinking that none of this would matter if I were dead, instead, I'd be with God, and no one could hurt me, and I could finally rest my heart that's just barely hanging on from all the pain of this wretched world. Is it okay for a Christian to wish she were dead, simce it is with God, or does it still mean I'm in need of serious psychiatric help? Both my mom and sister have chronic depression, but I really hoped that my faith alone would be enought to ward that off, but I guess not... Please pray for me!
---------- Post added at 10:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:50 PM ----------
Is it funny that I thought of killing myself as an option to keep from failing my exam (which I then promptly ruled out, because it is a terrible, sinful idea) before I though of cheating to not fail (which I also disregarded because it's also a sin)?
i guess the honor code worked, although they should probably try to keep students from reaching this kind of breaking point...
I just thought I'd let you guys know I'm ok, I've calmed down a good bit, And although I don't think I have much of a chance at an acceptable grade, God has a plan for me, and if this failure means I can't go to the college ai wanted, than that's in God's hands, not mine.
And, now, 18 hours later, I am my usual, riddiculous self, and getting crazier by the minute (or maybe that's just me going back to being myself.) i highly doubt I got any sort of decent grade, but whatever. <-- (lunatic me)