QuintenHLVB Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I am 19 and my girlfriend is 17 almost 18. We have been dating almost 8 months. I really care about her. I honestly want her to be happy. I am away at college and we get to see each other about every other weekend. She is the stage manger at her high school play. She is super stressed and she is thinking about breaking up with me. We work together in the summer at a camp. I dont know what to do. We are both Christian and both want this to work. We have been making it work for awhile now. We now have some hard times and this is making it diffcult. I want us to stay together. I dont want things to be werid for the summer. and guys I am totally in love with this girl. I honestly could see myself marrying her. I know we are young but something feels right. I just feels like its the distances eating us away. We are 12 weeks away from summer camp. I am super stressed and just want us both to be happy. Anyone have any sugestions for a brother in some need of some up lifting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muzikstar1 Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I am 19 and my girlfriend is 17 almost 18. We have been dating almost 8 months. I really care about her. I honestly want her to be happy. I am away at college and we get to see each other about every other weekend. She is the stage manger at her high school play. She is super stressed and she is thinking about breaking up with me. We work together in the summer at a camp. I dont know what to do. We are both Christian and both want this to work. We have been making it work for awhile now. We now have some hard times and this is making it diffcult. I want us to stay together. I dont want things to be werid for the summer. and guys I am totally in love with this girl. I honestly could see myself marrying her. I know we are young but something feels right. I just feels like its the distances eating us away. We are 12 weeks away from summer camp. I am super stressed and just want us both to be happy. Anyone have any sugestions for a brother in some need of some up lifting?[/b] I can tell you that when you do get married, you vow to stay faithful for better or worse. I think it is interesting how many guys and girls bolt when they hit any type of obstacle in a relationship. You have to make the commitment and stay faithful. If you can't now in this season, how will you stay faithful in all the varied seasons that come with marriage. I married someone who lived a distance away from me when we dated, and in some cases didn't see each other but once a month. We dated for a year and were engaged a year and half. This year we will celebrate 15 years of marriage. If you feel that this girl is important, pace your physical interaction so that you don't create temptations prematurely for yourselves that allow you space to grow individually while your lives are not aligned for marriage to happen. Feel free to chat with me or email me anytime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God-Sent Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I am 19 and my girlfriend is 17 almost 18. We have been dating almost 8 months. I really care about her. I honestly want her to be happy. I am away at college and we get to see each other about every other weekend. She is the stage manger at her high school play. She is super stressed and she is thinking about breaking up with me. We work together in the summer at a camp. I dont know what to do. We are both Christian and both want this to work. We have been making it work for awhile now. We now have some hard times and this is making it diffcult. I want us to stay together. I dont want things to be werid for the summer. and guys I am totally in love with this girl. I honestly could see myself marrying her. I know we are young but something feels right. I just feels like its the distances eating us away. We are 12 weeks away from summer camp. I am super stressed and just want us both to be happy. Anyone have any sugestions for a brother in some need of some up lifting?[/b] Distance is quite a beast. I have only gotten to see my gf about every six months to a year for going on the past three years of being together. As for the rest I agree with muzikstar1 for the most part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoshuaPopper Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Well, you're young. You're probably not going to marry her. Don't worry about that. But if you want to keep dating her then tell her that. That's all you can do, if she's thinking about breaking up with you then fine, you just can't control how people feel but what you can do is ask her to make a decision and to stick with it. You should tell her that because nothing is worse than being winded around an indecisive girl's little finger, it's torture, you need closure from her. And if things just don't work out then there's the "getting dumped solution" [GDS] which consists of half a bottle of scotch and a visit to a strippers accompanied by a group of your close friends. Josh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuintenHLVB Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey guys thanks for your help. Sadly there wasnt much I could do. She broke it off last night. Im going to put myself out there a bit but so many people say guys dont have feelins and junk like that... If they dont I dont know what this is... this sucks. I didnt get really any sleep last night. i really care about her and I hope she will be happy. I know I am young and I know it is unlikely but I am looking for a long-term relationship. I want to get married within the next few years. Is that un-real? I know that if God has something else in store for me then I will go that way but I dont know how many more break-ups I could handle. I am looking for the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am not the typical college student who is going out and drinking and sleeping around. I want a wife, i want a family to care about... It might be becuase my homelife is a bit messed up but I want someone to Love me like I love them. Am I too young and crazy to be thinking this right now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
God-Sent Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey guys thanks for your help. Sadly there wasnt much I could do. She broke it off last night. Im going to put myself out there a bit but so many people say guys dont have feelins and junk like that... If they dont I dont know what this is... this sucks. I didnt get really any sleep last night. i really care about her and I hope she will be happy.I know I am young and I know it is unlikely but I am looking for a long-term relationship. I want to get married within the next few years. Is that un-real? I know that if God has something else in store for me then I will go that way but I dont know how many more break-ups I could handle. I am looking for the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am not the typical college student who is going out and drinking and sleeping around. I want a wife, i want a family to care about... It might be becuase my homelife is a bit messed up but I want someone to Love me like I love them. Am I too young and crazy to be thinking this right now?[/b] No, your not too young to be thinking about this. Just keep God in the picture. I myself am 19, though about to turn 20 and am looking to get married within the next year or two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSugar Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 I am 17 and looking to get married now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muzikstar1 Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Hey guys thanks for your help. Sadly there wasnt much I could do. She broke it off last night. Im going to put myself out there a bit but so many people say guys dont have feelins and junk like that... If they dont I dont know what this is... this sucks. I didnt get really any sleep last night. i really care about her and I hope she will be happy.I know I am young and I know it is unlikely but I am looking for a long-term relationship. I want to get married within the next few years. Is that un-real? I know that if God has something else in store for me then I will go that way but I dont know how many more break-ups I could handle. I am looking for the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am not the typical college student who is going out and drinking and sleeping around. I want a wife, i want a family to care about... It might be becuase my homelife is a bit messed up but I want someone to Love me like I love them. Am I too young and crazy to be thinking this right now?[/b] You are never too young to be thinking a planning your future. It is a sign of maturity when you can start putting away childish things in the process of becoming a man. Unfortunately our culture is drunk on the concept staying forever young, which is code for staying immature, irresponsible, and unaccountable for as long as possible, because living responsibly is portrayed as boring and uninteresting, as if that is when life ends. I will tell you that you cannot really do well in a marriage and family if you have not addressed the issues of your present home life. It takes two healthy, whole people to make a healthy whole marriage. I would take this time to focus on getting healed emotionally from the residue of whatever your family issues are. Also this is important because we are often drawn to those things which are most familiar to us. So, if brokeness is most familiar to us, then often we will find ourselves attracted to someone else who is also broken in some emotional way, even if not in the same exact situation as ours. This creates a co-dependency which is unhealthy for a marriage or any kind of relationship for that matter. I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soldier of Light Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Hey guys thanks for your help. Sadly there wasnt much I could do. She broke it off last night. Im going to put myself out there a bit but so many people say guys dont have feelins and junk like that... If they dont I dont know what this is... this sucks. I didnt get really any sleep last night. i really care about her and I hope she will be happy.I know I am young and I know it is unlikely but I am looking for a long-term relationship. I want to get married within the next few years. Is that un-real? I know that if God has something else in store for me then I will go that way but I dont know how many more break-ups I could handle. I am looking for the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am not the typical college student who is going out and drinking and sleeping around. I want a wife, i want a family to care about... It might be becuase my homelife is a bit messed up but I want someone to Love me like I love them. Am I too young and crazy to be thinking this right now?[/b] Is it unreal? No, definitely not. You are probably much like me(granted, our stories would be very different), and you're pursuing college as best you can, seeking to be able to provide for yourself, and, in the future, the woman you marry. Its actually an honorable goal, and one I personally admire you for. And about the people saying guys don't have feelings...its just total bull crap. I ended my relationship(first and only) with a girl several months ago, and I hated to do so, because I knew how much it would hurt her(even though I set myself up for that by getting in the relationship with her). Personally, I am the same way: I wouldn't be able to handle many break-ups. Its my desire for a wife and family that is keeping me from getting into a relationship currently, so that I can become the man God desires me to be, and be able to provide for my family. And you're definitely not too young...I'm a year younger, but I have very much the same desires. I just have to keep my priorities straight, and focus myself on God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuintenHLVB Posted April 5, 2010 Author Share Posted April 5, 2010 You are never too young to be thinking a planning your future. It is a sign of maturity when you can start putting away childish things in the process of becoming a man. Unfortunately our culture is drunk on the concept staying forever young, which is code for staying immature, irresponsible, and unaccountable for as long as possible, because living responsibly is portrayed as boring and uninteresting, as if that is when life ends. I will tell you that you cannot really do well in a marriage and family if you have not addressed the issues of your present home life. It takes two healthy, whole people to make a healthy whole marriage. I would take this time to focus on getting healed emotionally from the residue of whatever your family issues are. Also this is important because we are often drawn to those things which are most familiar to us. So, if brokeness is most familiar to us, then often we will find ourselves attracted to someone else who is also broken in some emotional way, even if not in the same exact situation as ours. This creates a co-dependency which is unhealthy for a marriage or any kind of relationship for that matter. I wish you the best.[/b] Thank you for comment, I agree with you. It has been a week and the pain hasn't even lessen. I dont know if I am addressing my family issues the best way but I will give the information and maybe you can give me feedback, My mother is sick, with an illiness that attacks her nerves. She is mostly bedridden. This is how it has been in my life for as long as I can remeber. My Father works hit butt off in a job he doesnt like becuase my mom cant work. We struggle to make it by. I am a college student who is studying to become a Youth Pastor, and hopefully run a summer camp. Most of the family issues stem from the fact that at times my mom can be a very negitive person who can put me down without knowing what she is doing, and My father doesnt want me to become a Youth Pastor becuase of the money sitution and he is not relgious at all. I have always stood firm in my beliefe that this is my calling. Next year I will be transfering out of state from colleges. There are a lot of reasons that went into this but one of them is to get farther away form my parents to make my ceareer path easier to go by. Another reason is the college I chose is my no means the right college for me. Neither of my parents want me to move 12 hours away but this is something I feel like I need to do. i have talked with my mom about everything and she understands why I am doing it but she doesnt understand that she puts me down so hard sometimes that those wounds may never complety heal. My dad and I tend to aviod the topic all together. Although he does understand my moving and know it will be hard but thinks I can do it. Over the past 6 months I have been working really hard to attempt to change the way I think. To be more postive, to think the glass is half full instead of just half there. I want to be happier more of the time and I want to be happy with my future wife. A big problem comes there becuase my family does not represent me, therefore I have a hard time bringing anyone over to meet my parents. Dont get me wrong I love them, But lets just say I am the Black sheep in the family of pure white sheep. Make sense? I am comming to a cross roads in my life and I need to get things strighten out. I want a future wife and i want to be happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muzikstar1 Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Thank you for comment, I agree with you. It has been a week and the pain hasn't even lessen. I dont know if I am addressing my family issues the best way but I will give the information and maybe you can give me feedback, My mother is sick, with an illiness that attacks her nerves. She is mostly bedridden. This is how it has been in my life for as long as I can remeber. My Father works hit butt off in a job he doesnt like becuase my mom cant work. We struggle to make it by. I am a college student who is studying to become a Youth Pastor, and hopefully run a summer camp. Most of the family issues stem from the fact that at times my mom can be a very negitive person who can put me down without knowing what she is doing, and My father doesnt want me to become a Youth Pastor becuase of the money sitution and he is not relgious at all. I have always stood firm in my beliefe that this is my calling. Next year I will be transfering out of state from colleges. There are a lot of reasons that went into this but one of them is to get farther away form my parents to make my ceareer path easier to go by. Another reason is the college I chose is my no means the right college for me. Neither of my parents want me to move 12 hours away but this is something I feel like I need to do. i have talked with my mom about everything and she understands why I am doing it but she doesnt understand that she puts me down so hard sometimes that those wounds may never complety heal. My dad and I tend to aviod the topic all together. Although he does understand my moving and know it will be hard but thinks I can do it. Over the past 6 months I have been working really hard to attempt to change the way I think. To be more postive, to think the glass is half full instead of just half there. I want to be happier more of the time and I want to be happy with my future wife. A big problem comes there becuase my family does not represent me, therefore I have a hard time bringing anyone over to meet my parents. Dont get me wrong I love them, But lets just say I am the Black sheep in the family of pure white sheep. Make sense? I am comming to a cross roads in my life and I need to get things strighten out. I want a future wife and i want to be happy [/b] The main issue for you to deal with is learning to be independent without being disrespectful to your parents. As you move into adulthood and become more fully responsible, you have to guard your heart that you continually honor your parents in the role they have in your life. That doesn't mean you agree with them, but you have to hold to the good things they have given you, showing gratitude and appreciation to them, and also making life lessons out of their shortcomings as to what not to do. As you become more able to do these things, you will find that your upbringing will carry less baggage for you in the future and will be a strength to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuintenHLVB Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 Thanks, I agree. Its a big step but thats what life is isn't it? a lot of steps. Thanks for everyones helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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