curryjacket Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 (edited) Alrighty, so I try to keep my personal business off CTF because.... well, it's my personal biz. And I don't like drama. I hate to drag my personal life drama on here, but I need some opinions from you guys-- I respect your opinions more than most. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over three months now. He asked me, quite randomly, over text what I consider cheating. I told him "Anything from flirting on up," which is... well, what most people would probably say. I have no problem with him talking to other guys-- I'm not controlling at all. I have a life and so does he. It's fine. This issue has never come up before. He said he thinks cheating is actual sex, but flirting/sexting (dirty talk and pictures) are A-okay because he forms no personal attachments to the guys. I asked him point-blank if he's done this since we started dating, and he told me he has several times. I don't know how many times. I went on to tell him a "committed relationship" is about giving to your partner 100% and not sexting people in private. He claims it's my fault because I never asked about it?!? Umm, sorry. I'm not prone to bouts of paranoia (well.... usually). I never thought to ask him if he was flirting/cheating. Never suspected it. Anyway, he thinks he's right and I think I'm right. I don't want to be with someone who sexts other guys behind my back. What he did was wrong (in my opinion, anyway). He insists it's no big deal and what I said was nonsense to him. I'm heavily leaning toward dumping him, though he said he could work on it for me... But he still thinks flirting and sexting is okay. I told him it's a deal-breaker, and I can forgive him but that doesn't mean I have to (or can) trust him. Anyway, am I overreacting? Under reacting? Honestly, I'm having a hard time gauging myself because I'm so upset. Again, I don't like bringing relationship stuff on CTF, but that's what this part of the forum is for... So yeah. Edited January 2, 2016 by curryjacket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladesinger Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Well, don't take my advice very heavily because I've never been in a relationship, but... To me it doesn't sound like you are overreacting. I think faithfulness is extremely important in a relationship. From what I've seen, it's always a good idea to talk about these values with your partner as soon as (or before!) you officially begin dating, because that will help you two to avoid problems like these later... In terms of breaking up/not breaking up, that's your decision and I don't know what I would do, but... In my opinion, him actually sexting other people is horrible and an obvious betrayal of trust. I agree with your statement that anything from flirting on up should count as ""cheating."" If you're flirting, there's an obvious intent there to be unfaithful, and sexting is, like.. multiple steps further. So yeah, I don't think it would be overreacting to break up with him. Pray about it? Hope you find a good decision in the end, good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicene Nerd Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Dump him... ...in a sinkhole in the woods. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kb5462 Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Yeah, that's not okay in my book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crosses Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Dump him. Trust is important in relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marley Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 I'd let him go. Ya'll are viewing one of the fundamental tenants of the relationship differently and it's only gonna cause problems down the line. It's good that the question got asked. My experience with guys has been that about half think the same way as your current boyfriend and I've read articles that back that up. In 2013, 82 percent of women and 56 percent of men said they considered sexting or online flirting a form of infidelity. This year, the number of women who believed a flirty message was cheating plummeted to 68 percent, while men reported a slight decrease to 51 percent. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/21/what-is-cheating_n_4638945.html So yea, ladies and gents. This might be a question worth asking before things get too serious. :-/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josh (J) Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Dump his sorry rear end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paraskeve Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 You should dump him. Try not to fatally injure him though, you could get arrested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel 1525 Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Alrighty, so I try to keep my personal business off CTF because.... well, it's my personal biz. And I don't like drama. I hate to drag my personal life drama on here, but I need some opinions from you guys-- I respect your opinions more than most. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over three months now. He asked me, quite randomly, over text what I consider cheating. I told him "Anything from flirting on up," which is... well, what most people would probably say. I have no problem with him talking to other guys-- I'm not controlling at all. I have a life and so does he. It's fine. This issue has never come up before. He said he thinks cheating is actual sex, but flirting/sexting (dirty talk and pictures) are A-okay because he forms no personal attachments to the guys. I asked him point-blank if he's done this since we started dating, and he told me he has several times. I don't know how many times. I went on to tell him a "committed relationship" is about giving to your partner 100% and not sexting people in private. He claims it's my fault because I never asked about it?!? Umm, sorry. I'm not prone to bouts of paranoia (well.... usually). I never thought to ask him if he was flirting/cheating. Never suspected it. Anyway, he thinks he's right and I think I'm right. I don't want to be with someone who sexts other guys behind my back. What he did was wrong (in my opinion, anyway). He insists it's no big deal and what I said was nonsense to him. I'm heavily leaning toward dumping him, though he said he could work on it for me... But he still thinks flirting and sexting is okay. I told him it's a deal-breaker, and I can forgive him but that doesn't mean I have to (or can) trust him. Anyway, am I overreacting? Under reacting? Honestly, I'm having a hard time gauging myself because I'm so upset. Again, I don't like bringing relationship stuff on CTF, but that's what this part of the forum is for... So yeah. I personally agree with you, but perhaps it's a good idea to talk this out with him, and try to set up boundaries from here on out. I would say that if he can't agree after trying this, it may be best to separate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curryjacket Posted January 2, 2016 Author Share Posted January 2, 2016 I personally agree with you, but perhaps it's a good idea to talk this out with him, and try to set up boundaries from here on out. I would say that if he can't agree after trying this, it may be best to separate.I tried doing that last night when this came up, but he said I wasn't even making sense and what I was saying was nonsense-- that sexting means nothing and he should be able to have the freedom to do as he pleases. And even if we set up boundaries... I still couldn't trust him. I can/have forgiven him, but I can't trust him because he was doing this for months on end with who knows how many people. Thanks for all the advice, guys. Some of you (especially Caleb and Paraskeve) have given me some good laughs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesusismyticket Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 SEXTING IS CHEATING PERIOD. Drop his booty Cody, you deserve WAY BETTER. I think it is utterly PATHETIC he doesn't think it cheating... sexting is INTIMATE... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisa98 Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 I'm with you on this one. I think he shouldn't have expected you to have told him before what you consider cheating, he should've understood that some people think sexting is cheating and so he should've asked you about your opinions before sexting other guys. Like others before me have said: you seem to have very different values, which is fundamental in a relationship. Perhaps you could wait and dump him after the Adele concert? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buoyancy Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 Dump him... ...in a sinkhole in the woods. full of thorns, scorpions and stinkbugs. And I'll help push! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladesinger Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) I tried doing that last night when this came up, but he said I wasn't even making sense and what I was saying was nonsense-- that sexting means nothing and he should be able to have the freedom to do as he pleases. And even if we set up boundaries... I still couldn't trust him. I can/have forgiven him, but I can't trust him because he was doing this for months on end with who knows how many people. Thanks for all the advice, guys. Some of you (especially Caleb and Paraskeve) have given me some good laughs. Sounds like he doesn't care about what you want tbh Edited January 3, 2016 by Bladesinger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curryjacket Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 Update: Tried to really talk to him about it (hate that we had to it over text but it's all there was). Asked him why he would do it and how he doesn't think what he did is cheating, and he started making fun of me and calling me melodramatic and "pretty useless." Asked him if he realizes how that makes me feel, and he told me he was done and maybe we can "be friends in the future." So, long story short: it didn't go well! Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesusismyticket Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Update: Tried to really talk to him about it (hate that we had to it over text but it's all there was). Asked him why he would do it and how he doesn't think what he did is cheating, and he started making fun of me and calling me melodramatic and "pretty useless." Asked him if he realizes how that makes me feel, and he told me he was done and maybe we can "be friends in the future." So, long story short: it didn't go well! Lol. melodramatic and useless? yo, Cody dear, pass me his address so I can kick his sorry butt. he lost something amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buoyancy Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 melodramatic and useless? yo, Cody dear, pass me his address so I can kick his sorry butt. he lost something amazing. I vote we T.P his house and then go all Carrie Underwood on his car. I can slash tires, Swifitie, you got a Louisville Slugger lying around? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curryjacket Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 I like where this is going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paraskeve Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 AGREES WITH JAZZY AND BOOGLES. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladesinger Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Sorry it had to end that way :/ but at the same time, i think it's a good thing the relationship ended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buoyancy Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Update: Tried to really talk to him about it (hate that we had to it over text but it's all there was). Asked him why he would do it and how he doesn't think what he did is cheating, and he started making fun of me and calling me melodramatic and "pretty useless." Asked him if he realizes how that makes me feel, and he told me he was done and maybe we can "be friends in the future." So, long story short: it didn't go well! Lol. K. now sneak into his house and steal his Adele tickets and just go by yourself, or bring someone else along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesusismyticket Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 K. now sneak into his house and steal his Adele tickets and just go by yourself, or bring someone else along. word Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paraskeve Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 TRUTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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