Crosses

Ahh it's not a completely deserted here.

I like my body.......except for my chubby tummy.

Well happy early birthday!

Hopeful y this is a step in the right direction for America. But hey....he may make America do a 180 in the right direction.

That's the thing. My mom thinks I have to learn her way (one way). Everything else to her is either wrong or hard to do. She doesn't really invest that much time into understanding why I am the way I am. Slow. And which it hurts me. I'll try to find online math tutorials and hope that most are free. :/

All of my life I've struggled with math. Even when I was in the 1st grade I've struggled. I'm in 10th (somehow) grade now. I don't struggle as much in other sutudes. But math has always been an issue. I've always been slower when it comes to math. Even in the 1-2nd grade where they started introducing tens and hundreds in adding and subtracting, I struggled solving basic problems or problems that shouldn't require too much thinking. Heck, I'm even was slow at writing out numbers in word forms. I.e One hundred. When I was younger, it took me over 15 minutes to write those numbers out in word form. And I only had like eight. 1-6th grade was hard. My mom would assign homework to me (I'm homeschooled) and asked me to do verg basic addition,subtraction,division,multplication. I would be up at 10 o'clock at night still trying to answer all of them. And as moved up each year, math started introducing more stuff. Like equations, parentheses,area,ratios,averaging,pre-algebra and many others. And it just made things even harder. I was already struggling to find 7x6=42. 7th-now is just a nightmare. Now I'm learning more algebra and more complex stuff. Even now it takes me 20-30 minutes to complete the practice setsmath! The practice one's have at max 6 questions. But usally has 3-4 easy ones. And since I'm performing so poorly in math, my mom has me doing my 8th grade books again (even now I'm struggling with that.) It's embarrassing to know that I can barely do 8th grade math. I may average like a 6th grader. And my mom isn't helping me emotionaly. My mom has always been........not so understanding and nice. She treats your problems like this. If you have a problem, then it's always your fault and you can only fix it. Or I have all the answers for your problem. Me and my brother have always been yelled at in school for not quickly understanding the problems like she does. My mom is good at math. She was a teacher. Math teacher for our church (church had it's own school) to be exact. I'm much slower in math. She yells or gets frustrated if I get basic questions wrong or don't understand how to work the problem. The only time she calms down is when she sees me crying after messing up so many times and her yelling at me. Or whenever I miss a problem by a alot she gives me a weird face. Like the face of, "How do you not know that." I always try my best, but I can never seem to do a problem by myself. And if I do....it's always wrong or almost. I'm so slow and it doesn't take long for me to het tired. I can probably do 1-2 problems before I feel drained of energy. The numbers,letters,parentheses and other math symbols look confusing to me. Whenever I look at the page, I get so overwhelmed and confused. But even today my mom was like,"Confusion is from the devil! And I pray that spirit thats in your mind to flee!" I was already crying because she was yelling at me. I told her REPEATEDLY today that I'm struggling and it's very confusing for me. But she insist that I just have this mindset so I can get out of doing it. It's getting to the point where I'm getting anxiety to do math with her. Gives me anxiety/depression just thinking of getting the problem wrong, and seeing my moms look of disappointment and her yelling at me. You can just see the impatienc building up when she's not yelling and trying to be nice to you. I don't have anybody else to teach me. Step-dad is busy (don't get along anyways), brother has a job and his school to deal with, and grandma doesn't know the math taught now. But I feel so bad for being slow in math.

I guess I'm introverted. I don't mind being alone. I'm totally ok going a long period of time without seeing people. I do less talking, and more listening.

evergreen

I made a status update about my brother going to the ER yesterday. For the past couple day he's been experiencing irregular hear beats,hard for him to breath,and makes him tired. Yesterday he went to the ER to have tests,and was admitted to the place in the hospital where they really only focus on the heart (heart insitute? I think thats the name?). He's finally home,and he'll need to see a cardiologist. Please pray for him or keep him in your thoughts.